AIBU to decline this wedding invite?

[kcchiefette]

Just as FYI I dont think this wedding is well planned in the slightest.

My boyfriend's friend is getting married elsewhere in UK in September and invited him and myself to the wedding. Apparently they aren't doing official invites, they're just emailing?! Anyhow..

Boyfriend and I decide to book flights and venue after he said his friend confirmed we were going. Flights paid outright. Venue not paid as its on arrival. Flights were about £100 for myself. Also booked make up appointment locally where I paid £10 deposit to secure the date/time as it was close by the hotel.

Anyway, a day after doing all this, my boyfriend screenshots a message sent from his friend saying that there isnt room for me any longer but I can go to the evening reception.

The location of the wedding is quite rural and not much about, so there isnt much to occupy myself with during the day. It also seems rather embarrassing to have my boyfriend at the actual wedding then arriving separately for the evening (which will be even more money in taxis etc, say an additional £30 from hotel). I also wouldnt need a make up appointment if just going to a party and certainly wouldnt need make up done at 10am.

Apparently, they said if someone "drops out" I can have their space.

I have a 6 year old I co parent and a dog that needs to be kennelled etc so I would need to know in advance to make arrangements. I would also need to book 1x day off work.

AIBU to say that I no longer wish to go, sacrifice the £110 I have already spent as spending my whole weekend away from my child and additional expenses of hotel, kennel, transport alone etc plus booking into my annual leave is just not worth it for an evening party?

I also cant wait in the hope that theres a "drop out" as I have to plan well in advance with child and dog to ensure I can do these things.

Ive told boyfriend that he can go on his own to the wedding if I havent been told I have a space by early June.

Are they thick or something?

Not sure - maybe just unprepared? 😂

Honestly, I dont hold out much hope for the actual wedding if this is just the guest list planning.

Those tickets from Canada probably cost as much as their budget wedding.

I am hoping for their sake that tickets were not yet purchased because I would be FUMING and probably still likely to go if travelling from that far.

They will end up with no friends after this wedding.. 😂

This is exactly why when its my turn I will be going away or having a family only ceremony and a bigger party afterwards.

yes thats what i may do. And maybe pop along for the evening do = both of you - if it was an easy trip to get to and back from the Central location.

(ie boyfriend attend evening only)

Bellavida99 · Today 05:47

"I think as flights are paid for both don’t go but use flight and get a central Edinburgh hotel and explore Edinburgh instead. Then you haven’t lost the flight money and can count this as your anniversary trip."

I love this idea. Turn it into your anniversary trip.

Not much of a friend. Very rude to invite you and then withdraw the invitation 'because there is no room'. Decline and do something more interesting. Boyfriend should decline also if he has any sense of social responsibility because his friend is being rude to him too, inviting and then uninviting his girlfriend.

He just sent me screenshots. It definitely wasnt a save the date (as lots of overseas guests to invite or people travelling far).

Specified the venue, our names, times etc on the communications I have seen. With a note saying "final details".

Then further texts clarifying I was indeed invited.

So I dont think he's jumped the gun, even if it did cross my mind as well.

In effect, your boyfriend will have to go on his own anyway if you are only invited to the evening do?

I think BF’s friends have effectively disinvited you (which is rude - they should not have issued an invite, however informal, without knowing numbers).

I am assuming that he’ll know other people there, so won’t actually be ‘alone’?

He will know a couple of others there I believe.

I wouldn't be attending this wedding at all now. I'd stay home and take your DC out for a little treat on the day. Bf could go or not go, his choice.

Don't bother having anything to do with the wedding, reception, party or anything, just totally not go, don't bother sending ''congratulations'' cards or anything else, totally ignore them. If they're being so rude and inconsiderate to you then they're really not worth bothering with!

I wouldn't go at all. Just leave your bf to it, they're his friends after all. Save the money and the hassle and stay home. I'm not sure why you're even considering it to be honest.

Yeah this is a wildly fabricated scenario based on nothing more than some anti bride misogyny.

@kcchiefette on the basis of your reply, I would see if I could get a refund on the ticket (or a credit voucher) and politely decline. Your BF will have his mates to keep him company and you can spend the £100 on a spa day!

I like your thinking! 😊

Yes, I would get a whole weekend back - so time with DS, can arrange something with my own friends (we had been thinking about spa event etc soon) and still have money towards a short break later in the year.

In terms of what boyfriend does, thats up to him. Ive let him know my stance, so I will stay out of it now and let him organise if he is still willing to go. I obviously wouldnt hold it against him if he went (as its his long term friend).

Given the way the groom has treated OP, why would she give a shit about what's better for them?

I wouldn't be going and neither would my boyfriend

Decline.....you are better off at home with your child. Think of the money you will save

Very annoying, but if you can't get a refund for the flights, I'd still go and just both attend the evening do. I live in Edinburgh, and September will still be quite warm, and you can sit outside for drinks etc, but if you go in November it will be FREEZING.

This.

Yep it would cost similar amounts on if I was going to the whole thing or just the evening. Probably more so for the evening as separate costs for taxis, buying own dinner, activities during day etc. So much more hassle and money than its worth.

And I do like a good wedding (I'm a sop 😂)

Why would you let them off the hook like that?

I'd be telling them 'We had booked flights for both of us and kcchie made childcare and kennel arrangements but as you now say she is invited to the evening do only, kcchie has decided to decline as she would not have accepted the invitation had she known it was for an evening do only'.