AIBU to decline this wedding invite?

[kcchiefette]

Just as FYI I dont think this wedding is well planned in the slightest.

My boyfriend's friend is getting married elsewhere in UK in September and invited him and myself to the wedding. Apparently they aren't doing official invites, they're just emailing?! Anyhow..

Boyfriend and I decide to book flights and venue after he said his friend confirmed we were going. Flights paid outright. Venue not paid as its on arrival. Flights were about £100 for myself. Also booked make up appointment locally where I paid £10 deposit to secure the date/time as it was close by the hotel.

Anyway, a day after doing all this, my boyfriend screenshots a message sent from his friend saying that there isnt room for me any longer but I can go to the evening reception.

The location of the wedding is quite rural and not much about, so there isnt much to occupy myself with during the day. It also seems rather embarrassing to have my boyfriend at the actual wedding then arriving separately for the evening (which will be even more money in taxis etc, say an additional £30 from hotel). I also wouldnt need a make up appointment if just going to a party and certainly wouldnt need make up done at 10am.

Apparently, they said if someone "drops out" I can have their space.

I have a 6 year old I co parent and a dog that needs to be kennelled etc so I would need to know in advance to make arrangements. I would also need to book 1x day off work.

AIBU to say that I no longer wish to go, sacrifice the £110 I have already spent as spending my whole weekend away from my child and additional expenses of hotel, kennel, transport alone etc plus booking into my annual leave is just not worth it for an evening party?

I also cant wait in the hope that theres a "drop out" as I have to plan well in advance with child and dog to ensure I can do these things.

Ive told boyfriend that he can go on his own to the wedding if I havent been told I have a space by early June.

I wouldn't go. Bloody cheek. What an insult to expect you to hang around with your tongue on the off chance of being thrown a spare invitation.

Boyfriend can go on his own or not. His decision to make.

I can imagine what actually happened was, groom invited you both, then mentioned it to bridezilla afterwards, then she's said "she's not invited".

Have you ever met the bride? If not, she's probably just cut you out in favour of people she knows, without giving a shit that her groom asked you both because that was important to him.

I mean, I'm just making assumptions, but I reckon this is likely what happened.

I wouldn’t go. If your boyfriend decides not to attend the wedding, that is a fair decision.

guests don’t have to go out of their way to make up for rude hosts.

Normally with weddings it’s the other way round, there’s room at the church but no room at the meal afterwards. Personally I would rather skip the wedding and turn up for the booze so it would be a win for me.

As it’s your BF’s friend, it’s up to him to do the liaison, money discussion etc. spare you the grief. If it was the other way around (your friend did this) how would you handle it?
You are definitely NBU to be annoyed, nor to refuse to go, nor to want recompense! What a palaver!

Your boyfriend wants it all his own way when what he should be doing is telling his friend that under the circumstances he won’t be able to attend.

its easy to say it won’t be the same without you and still go, just as it’s easy for you to say he should go and I suspect if he does go it will open up a can of worms.

Hes not keen on you having a day in Edinburgh because he also want to go? It says a lot about him.

YANBU, I would decline... cheeky feckers.

I woudn't go.

Sounds like load of faff and expense for an evening do, unless of course you are lucky enough to get a cancellation! (Being sarcastic with the last wee bit).

I wouldn’t go, and definitely don’t give your bf any money for that flight. The groom is also clearly not a good or reliable friend so i wouldn’t actively encourage him to bother either.

Three options ..

You could easily decline. BF goes alone.

Keep the appointments if you would like the trip regardless of whether you attend the earlier wedding. You could enjoy a day reading a good book and the party will be fun.
Cancel the make up and hair at latest option if you still are not invited to day function.

Both decline because the couple are not close friends of either of you and they are rude and disorganised.

Were you definitely both named on the email? If you were, they are beyond rude and I would feel no guilt at all in declining. If you weren’t, I think you may have misunderstood and invited yourself and they are trying to avoid embarrassing you by pointing that out.

How long have you and boyfriend been together?

I think it's not great that he doesn't want you to have a day in Edinburgh without him.

Omnishambles of wedding organisation ... you're totally right to decline and if bf can't go then that shouldn't be a surprise to those that rescinded your invite .. geez who does that

I wouldn't be going now even if they got a cancellation!!!!!

It's incredibly rude!

So he doesnt want to go on his own.....doesnt want you to spend the time he is at the wedding sightseeing because he would like to see it too......doesnt want to stump up for the costs for you to go with him......wants a third holiday that you have to save up for....

Is there any point where your "Wants/Dont wants.." get taken into consideration?

Its all about him isnt it?

Your bf wants you to wait to see if you get re-invited..? ? !
Stuff that...I wouldn't wait around to see if I'm good enough to make the final list.
What terrible manners

Why is it a dilemma that he doesn't want to go on his own? It's outrageous behaviour on the friend's part, I'm not an unreasonable person but if his friend had treated me like this, I would be DEMANDING that my boyfriend didn't go.

I think as flights are paid for both don’t go but use flight and get a central Edinburgh hotel and explore Edinburgh instead. Then you haven’t lost the flight money and can count this as your anniversary trip.

Edinburgh is definitely worth more time than just an afternoon.

I would not go.

I wouldn't go and if they're asking for cash gifts, I hope that your partner doesn't bother and repays you instead.

Honestly, people getting married seem to lose all sense of decency!

Yanbu to not go but the make up appointment is on you, you're saying you can't really afford the wedding but you're paying for professional make up...as a guest? Why can't you do your own?

See if you can change the dates on the flight tickets and use them to fly in November for your anniversary.

Exactly. I’d stop telling your bf that he should go to the wedding. He needs to decide what’s more important to him… and that should be you and your happiness.

Meh. Bf has learned a valuable lesson. I wouldn't go in your shoes.

It's fine to do things by email in the 21st century.

*invitation

**me