AIBU to decline this wedding invite?

[kcchiefette]

Just as FYI I dont think this wedding is well planned in the slightest.

My boyfriend's friend is getting married elsewhere in UK in September and invited him and myself to the wedding. Apparently they aren't doing official invites, they're just emailing?! Anyhow..

Boyfriend and I decide to book flights and venue after he said his friend confirmed we were going. Flights paid outright. Venue not paid as its on arrival. Flights were about £100 for myself. Also booked make up appointment locally where I paid £10 deposit to secure the date/time as it was close by the hotel.

Anyway, a day after doing all this, my boyfriend screenshots a message sent from his friend saying that there isnt room for me any longer but I can go to the evening reception.

The location of the wedding is quite rural and not much about, so there isnt much to occupy myself with during the day. It also seems rather embarrassing to have my boyfriend at the actual wedding then arriving separately for the evening (which will be even more money in taxis etc, say an additional £30 from hotel). I also wouldnt need a make up appointment if just going to a party and certainly wouldnt need make up done at 10am.

Apparently, they said if someone "drops out" I can have their space.

I have a 6 year old I co parent and a dog that needs to be kennelled etc so I would need to know in advance to make arrangements. I would also need to book 1x day off work.

AIBU to say that I no longer wish to go, sacrifice the £110 I have already spent as spending my whole weekend away from my child and additional expenses of hotel, kennel, transport alone etc plus booking into my annual leave is just not worth it for an evening party?

I also cant wait in the hope that theres a "drop out" as I have to plan well in advance with child and dog to ensure I can do these things.

Ive told boyfriend that he can go on his own to the wedding if I havent been told I have a space by early June.

Not sure. I am only going by what boyfriend is telling me. I believe he had asked about me and if it was him or us who were invited.

I would assume if you know people are flying to get to your wedding that you wouldnt split the invite between the couple and have 1 waiting around all day.

I am assuming bride wasnt aware that her DP invited me until now, and she just thought was his friend - which is fair enough, as I would be the same.

Make a decision for you and your child first. The boy friend also has to learn that you and you child should come first in a long term relationship. Look after you first, your decision counts. He can get mad but how he handles it with his friend is up to him. He could just say “sorry but I’d have loved to have shared your special day with my special partner, so we wish you a great day and we’ll all meet up after the wedding”

"A firm no" 🤣

Goodness me OP, it sounds like there has just been a mix up. They don't know you and yet you jumped in booking make up appointments immediately. They clarified the day after that it was just your boyfriend but kindly invited you to join them for the evening.

You'd be "embarrassed" at that apparently but not to slag off their wedding, make a lot of presumptions about the organisation of it and to "tell them to shove it". They probably hadn't even realised you existed, the fella is an online gamer mate 🤣🤣

I have been to plenty of evening receptions and enjoyed them all! All local mind you.

I have 2 friends get married a few years back. I was given a plus one for 1 of them, and not the other. About 3 months before the wedding I was told I could in fact bring a plus one but I declined as the couple didnt know my partner at the time. The other wedding I went alone to also as we broke up a few weeks before the wedding! (A previous partner btw)

I am quite an outgoing person, can chat to anyone and travelling about alone doesnt faze me but even this has me thinking do I want to spend the whole day on my own, dinner on my own all whilst boyfriend is enjoying himself at a wedding I was uninvited from?

Probably not. I think I would rather stay at home 😂

Not exactly my fault that boyfriend had insisted it was us both. I asked the question of - are you sure? And he said YES.

Obviously if I am told I was invited to an event with my boyfriend, I will go. Not for the couple but for him.

As boyfriend said it was us BOTH and confirmed, we said we should go ahead an book early so we can pay now rather than later in the year where expenses will be higher.

So no, I dont think I made any assumptions.

I can’t believe people are suggesting you ask to be reimbursed. That’s an absolute no from me. They absolutely will not refund your ticket and then the friendship will be ruined.

He can take that up with his mate!

Thats on my boyfriend, not me as it was on his card. I havent paid yet out of my own pocket.

I'd just not go, get a refund if you can for the flights if not call it a loss.

No way would I spend all that money just to go somewhere for a few hours! Really rude of them to uninvite you as well.

Tbh sounds like they mailed a "save the date" and bf jumped the gun

They don't care about you being there so why waste your time and money? Was there even an apology for miscommunication?

On a side note, a professional MUA when just a guest at a wedding? Not even part of the wedding party? That seems an unnecessary expense at any time

Your boyfriend doesn’t get to tell you you can’t sightsee without him! What does he want you to do, sit in the hotel room miserable all day? Sounds a bit controlling.

I would do that OP. Edinburgh is fab.

The dilemma also is that boyfriend says he would not want to go on his own

That's not on you, it's on him. Is it not a very close friend then? Won't he
know anyone? Is there another reason he doesn't want to go alone?

That's really rude and thoughtless of his friend! You can't invite and then uninvite people to a wedding when they have to make travel arrangements etc. I definitely wouldn't be going and I'd be very annoyed. If your partner doesn't want to go on his own, that's up to him. I wouldn't be paying him back for the flight either!

They can't win these people, despite your (weirdly controlling) boyfriend having not even shown you the email invitation (because he simply got a save the date and assumed).

It's not their fault you started booking up make up artists, they could never have guessed you'd do that because let's face it, who does? 🤣 They probably knew nothing of you at the time and assumed your boyfriend would just attend with the other mates

This. I would not be impressed if my bf went without me. Rude.

Yanbu to decline invite and not go.
Very rude of bride and groom.
We were in a similar position a few years ago, both us and DC invited for the whole day to a family wedding then downgraded to evening only as they'd got their numbers wrong .
Wedding 7 hour drive away, would involve 2 night stay, annual leave , kennels arranged etc , So said no thank you.
Then they said we could go to the church amuse ourselves for a bit then come back for evening party err still a no!
Then we could go to the whole thing but without DC.
We didn't have any childcare, particularly for what would have been 2 nights, 3 days and by this time we were we were peed off with it all.
The daytime guest list was 120 so not exactly limited numbers. I'm not jumping through hoops attend a wedding when I'm not even in the top 120!
Unlike in your situation they had sent Invites, save the date cards etc and we'd been reminded repeatedly to avoid booking our annual holiday over these dates- wedding was in August.
I despair people are so flaky.
Very rude to invite someone then uninvite them .
Don't go-Just smile and say no thank you , DP can go alone.

If they are gaming friends, has your boyfriend actually met the groom in person before, @kcchiefette? If not, I can see why he wouldn't want to go alone and, really, neither of you should bother.

Theyve met every year for an annual trip for the last 10 years and speak every day as far as I am aware.

They're both introvert so dont have s lot of friends.

Sounds like you immediately booked flights to a wedding that you weren't invited to, because your boyfriend got the wrong end of the stick. I don't think the wedding couple have done anything wrong. Lots of assuming going on from your boyfriend and yourself.

They haven't uninvited you, because they didnt actually invite you.

In that case your BF should definitely go but I'd stay at home if I were you and save the money for your anniversary trip.

I feel a bit sorry for your boyfriend, either he's got the wrong end of the stick or his friend has let him down and he probably feels stuck in the middle but you aren't unreasonable to say you aren't going.

I've always wanted to visit Edinburgh but somehow have never managed it so I can understand you considering going up with him and just having a nice day in Edinburgh but obviously the costs involved make it quite an expensive day out.

I wouldn't know what the communication was.

He has been talking about the wedding for a while as its his first friend to get married.

He was told HE was going right from the get go. Then more details to follow.

Before Christmas, he had said his friend said we are both going as theyve finally done up a proper guest list.

I told him to double check if it was indeed us both or just him. He said it was just him.

I said were they sending an invite in the post or any kind of save the date with our names etc? He said no, they were a budget wedding so they weren't doing this.

I had said does he have any idea on the venue (just to be nosy really so I knew the general part of Scotland and if it would be feasible to rely on public transport or if we maybe needed to THINK about getting a hire car).

Apparently, their wedding is one of first in that venue and they still hadn't confirmed to the couple that they could do until last Thursday?!

Anyhow, on Thursday he was told the venue and date (the date had also not been confirmed) and had confirmed invite for us both.

It was not me who jumped the gun, boyfriend said he wanted to book to get out the way the flights etc. I said numerous times was he sure it was us both and he said YES.

I book to get my make up done at any wedding I go to as I am not great at it myself and I feel its nice to have it done if you get a nice dress etc. MUAs book out quickly for weekend appointments so you really need a reservation ASAP. For example, my local one at home didnt have one, 6 months before a previous wedding.

Anyhow, fast forward to Sunday and the invite has been taken back for me.

I dont really understand how we could have known any better with no physical invites and when it was confirmed back numerous times that it was for 2 people and not 1 person.

There are a few people coming from overseas so theyve obviously had to let them know to make arrangements etc.

Update

Apparently its not just me. They've pulled the same stunt on a guy invited over from CANADA.

So, it could be worse in hindsight.

Your comment about emailing is unreasonable - wedding invites are a waste of money. Just don't go, you're making an unnecessary fuss about it though.