AIBU to decline this wedding invite?

[kcchiefette]

Just as FYI I dont think this wedding is well planned in the slightest.

My boyfriend's friend is getting married elsewhere in UK in September and invited him and myself to the wedding. Apparently they aren't doing official invites, they're just emailing?! Anyhow..

Boyfriend and I decide to book flights and venue after he said his friend confirmed we were going. Flights paid outright. Venue not paid as its on arrival. Flights were about £100 for myself. Also booked make up appointment locally where I paid £10 deposit to secure the date/time as it was close by the hotel.

Anyway, a day after doing all this, my boyfriend screenshots a message sent from his friend saying that there isnt room for me any longer but I can go to the evening reception.

The location of the wedding is quite rural and not much about, so there isnt much to occupy myself with during the day. It also seems rather embarrassing to have my boyfriend at the actual wedding then arriving separately for the evening (which will be even more money in taxis etc, say an additional £30 from hotel). I also wouldnt need a make up appointment if just going to a party and certainly wouldnt need make up done at 10am.

Apparently, they said if someone "drops out" I can have their space.

I have a 6 year old I co parent and a dog that needs to be kennelled etc so I would need to know in advance to make arrangements. I would also need to book 1x day off work.

AIBU to say that I no longer wish to go, sacrifice the £110 I have already spent as spending my whole weekend away from my child and additional expenses of hotel, kennel, transport alone etc plus booking into my annual leave is just not worth it for an evening party?

I also cant wait in the hope that theres a "drop out" as I have to plan well in advance with child and dog to ensure I can do these things.

Ive told boyfriend that he can go on his own to the wedding if I havent been told I have a space by early June.

It would probably be cheaper for the couple to add you as an extra guest than to reimburse your flights but, like most PPs, I'd see my arse and wouldn't go because of the uninvitation. Such bad form.
Was there much time between the invite and booking flights? Does the friend know you've booked?

No way would I go and I'd not expect a decent partner would attend either out of respect for me after being uninvited. How rude.

Ugh. I would say if someone is so half-arsed about their own wedding that they are randomly inviting and uninviting people, they won't even care if you say you're not going. Life's too short for this kind of nonsense. And getting on a plane for a boyfriend's friend's wedding who you don't really know? I'd give that some thought even if they were taking their wedding seriously. Boyfriend will have to make up his own mind if he goes or not. It's not compulsory.

YANBU to decline the invitation. Sounds like rubbish planning and communication. But if nothing malicious I wouldn't want to make boyfriend feel he shouldn't go.

Just decline. I think people don't actually realise who they can invite until they start doing the budget and the numbers then it gets difficult so I don't think there's any malice

Make sure they know that you booked a flight!!!

That's their gift money gone.

Bloody idiots

Definitely decline. My DH and I and our 3 DCs were invited to a wedding 3 weeks before the date, it was so obviously a gap filler we declined. It wouldn't have been so bad if we had already been invited to the evening but we hadn't. Felt like we were a oversight.

I’m getting this vibe too. I’d wash my hands of it all and leave him to handle the fall out. Not your circus, not your monkeys. If he wanted you to go he should have cheered your thought of seeing Edinburgh rather than prefer you to stare at a wall all day while he weddings it up.

Wow how rude of them. I'd just cancel. Can you get a refund for the flights?

Don't go and save the money.

Can you move your flight to November and book an extra one for bf? I would not be going to the wedding as a matter of principle!

If it's in Edinburgh, go sightseeing during the day. It's a lovely city with plenty to do.

Could you both spend the day sightseeing and then both just go to the evening party?

I don’t mind evening only invitations if you are only down the road. But not for people who are travelling to your wedding. That is rude and thoughtless.

How long are you together? do you know the bride? Did the groom just invite you without discussing it with the bride?

agree boyfriend isn’t coming across well here. You’ve understandably decided not to attend, end of story. He can go or not go - his choice, not your problem.

I wouldn’t leave him to pay the £100 flight cost, though, since it’s not his fault his friends behaved this way.

There is nothing wrong with an email invitation. Paper invitations are a total waste of money imho.

<<Misses point of thread>>

I wouldn't go at all after they first invite you and then cancel. And your boyfriend not wanting to go alone but not wanting you to visit Edinburgh without him while he is in the wedding that his friends uninvited you to... annoys me too.

We don't need to be slagging off some random woman here, when there are two men in this scenario who haven't behaved well.

One - the Groom to be issued an invitation to his friend and DGF which he then part rescinded.That's on him and if he B2B was involved it's still on him as he issued the original invitation.

Two - OPs DP is being a bit of an arse about this. Why can't OP see round Edinburgh whilst he goes to the wedding? It's a stupid selfish decision, when it's the only rational outcome that still makes it worth OP going.

All sounds like a bit of a shambles. Nothing wrong with email as long as there is clear communication and the same respect for the guests though.

Yeah, I'd decline this invite. Don't waste any more money on unreliable people.

Why is everyone misusing 'myself' nowadays???? Also, don't go to the wedding.

Decline.

You are never going to see these people again because this sort of behaviour from them, sour’s relationships. They did that.

I suspect this is what has happened.

One of my friends openly discussed this happening at hers. Her DP told his friend he could bring his girlfriend that he had known for 3 weeks as she wasnt part of the original invites. She put her foot down and said that she was in fact, not invited and would need to be told she cant come except the evening reception.

Im not sure what the details are as my boyfriend handled all the communication etc.

Just for clarity, I wasn't expecting an invite, I was only expecting one for DP so he specifically asked was it for himself or me as well, and his friend said it was for me as well so he could have plus one.

If my friend did this to me, I would be questioning my friendship with them and probably would outright decline straight away but I think men think a little different dont they?

So you're on the reserve list?!!! There's no way I'd be hanging about to see if I made the cut!
Boyfriend can go by himself and either ask his friend for the money for your flight back, or suck it up himself. It's not your fault that he's got shit friends!