MIL vs puppy

[PetVsPIL]

DH and I have just bought a puppy. A small, friendly breed of dog who probably won’t grow to more than 10kg. The problem is MIL doesn’t like dogs. She has always tried to put us off getting a dog and now we have one she has said that the dog isn’t welcome at her house (which is of course fine we wouldn’t take the dog anywhere he wasn’t welcome) but that she won’t visit us any longer if the dog is at our house. She lives 5 hours away, so always stays for at least two nights - only meeting out of the house without the dog isn’t possible. DH and I have basically said, that’s ok and she’s welcome to our house at any time, but we won’t put the dog in kennels for her.

Now she has started to make lots of passive aggressive comments about loving the dog more than her and has been complaining to her sister (DH’s aunt) about us, but I don’t think we’re being unfair. This is the dog’s home.

Just make sure you train it well so that it knows how to keep itself to itself so no one has any reason to stay away - obviously that benefits you too. If it’s well trained and behaved, then the rest is up to her if she wants to visit in future.

She is being ridiculous. She has no idea about this particular dog or its manners. She lives 5 hours away and wants to dictate what happens in your home. She needs to grow up.

demanding the poor thing is put in kennels when she decides to visit? Grow up.

Obviously she has no right to dictate whether you get a dog or not, but I can understand her being hurt. She can't help how she feels about dogs, and you've essentially decided that your dog trumps her visits. Of course you're at liberty to do that, but if you knew she had a problem with dogs and that she often stayed at your house, you must have known this would cause an issue.

There are several ways you could compromise, including kennels (which you've vetoed) and her staying in a hotel and meeting you outside the house without the dog (which you've also vetoed). The remaining compromises I guess are an in-home dog sitter (friendlier than kennels, perhaps?), a friend looking after the dog, or you keeping the dog confined to one area of the house while she's there - would you consider any of those?

She's choosing not to visit, that's on her.

If she's scared of dogs (and yes, adults don't just 'not like' dogs to this extent) then you're being unreasonable in vetoing any arrangements that would enable her to visit you.

Why can't you meet her outside the home without the dog? And yes, if you're not prepared to do that or to have him in kennels or with a sitter for a couple of days, then she's not being passive aggressive, she's absolutely right. The dog is more important to you than she is.

oh well you won't have to see her that much anymore. sounds like a real shame 🤣

Would you say that if it was OP 's mum?

So she stays in a hotel and you meet up with her outside the house. Obviously if you visit her you would need to make other arrangements for the dog.

You could see if she would be amenable to meeting the dog on a walk (once it's trained) but if she not I would respect that

She doesn't get to say what happens in your home, but at the same time I wouldn't want to stay in a home with a dog, especially if the owners didn't understand my discomfort.

Come up with a plan for visitors - not just MIL, but friends, DC's friends, builders etc. Such as dog downstairs only (so overnight guests can relax) and the dog being used to staying in one room/out of the main room when you have guests. Once she's visited a couple of times and seen a well trained dog that's not getting in her space or her things she might find it easier.

Worth persevering for the sake of such a close relation I would think.

only meeting out of the house without the dog isn’t possible.

Do you mean if she booked a hotel and you met up? Why isn't this possible?

And yes, if you're not prepared to do that or to have him in kennels or with a sitter for a couple of days, then she's not being passive aggressive, she's absolutely right. The dog is more important to you than she is.

Fully agree with this.

When the dog is older you'll be able to leave it for 3 hours or so (providing you socialise and train out properly and don't buy a neurotic pup from an unregistered breeder). Follow the advice here (book) or on their Facebook https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dog-Training-Behaviour-Solutions-stress-free/dp/B09ZCL5PN9/ref=asc_df_B09ZCL5PN9/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=570480429095&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2522351074766741039&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045631&hvtargid=pla-1721657352677&psc=1&mcid=51a71167ccfe3cfe8c33b73053c89747&th=1&psc=1&ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=84e4f24a-f544-404b-866a-cb1a94d2a2e9
And in a little while your mill can stay nearby and you can all meet up without doggo. You never know your well trained dog might even sway her to stay over at yours.

As much as I adore them I can understand that dogs may not be everyone’s cup of tea but she doesn’t even like puppies.
I just can’t understand that.
Why should you put the dog outside if/when she comes round, it’s the dogs home!

Devils advocate: I'm scared of dogs. I used to stay with my sister 6 hours away every summer to see my nephew's and when her and her husband got their dog, I had to stop going. It wasn't something that I could just 'get over' so I had to make a choice. I was angry for a while, but I got over it.

It sucked that their decision stopped me but at the end of the day I had to realise that it was just that; their decision

She has two choices: get over it or stay away. Her issues are not your responsibility, but take a minute to try and understand why she is hurt over it

I like puppies less than older dogs - jumpy and not yet trained to leave me alone. I know it's not their fault, but I don't like them.

Genius way of getting rid of your MIL, and not too obvious at all.

Only meeting outside the house, without the dog, is entirely possible if she stays at a B&B and you book a dog-sitter.

Lol (sorry, not sorry )

You've chosen a way of life that she doesn't like and she's behaving like a spoilt child, that's what it boils down to. Anyone who has a dog will know that they become 'part of the family' and the rewards are unconditional love, companionship, fresh air and exercise. It's possible to keep a dog away from guests in the home - baby gates, crate, another room.

I don’t understand, and I have two dogs.

Why can’t MIL visit and stay in a hotel, and you meet up for lunch, dinner or whatever without the dog? They can be left home alone for a few hours you know!

Obviously dog is a puppy but you build it up gradually.

Ignore her. My Mum was exactly the same about my cat and the cat is now her second favourite in this household. She’s more concerned with the cat than me. If you ever heard how she carried on it in the beginning.

What is it with people recently who want to dictate what others do in their lives?!

Not to be rude to you but that is weird!

Why is it weird? A puppy is much more likely to jump up on me, lick me, mouth me. I don't like any of that.

Likewise, I'm guessing most people who don't like DC would rather spend time with a placid 8yo than a haywire 2yo.

I'm with you, Colleen - and really love all dogs but older dogs over puppies any day!