MIL vs puppy

[PetVsPIL]

DH and I have just bought a puppy. A small, friendly breed of dog who probably won’t grow to more than 10kg. The problem is MIL doesn’t like dogs. She has always tried to put us off getting a dog and now we have one she has said that the dog isn’t welcome at her house (which is of course fine we wouldn’t take the dog anywhere he wasn’t welcome) but that she won’t visit us any longer if the dog is at our house. She lives 5 hours away, so always stays for at least two nights - only meeting out of the house without the dog isn’t possible. DH and I have basically said, that’s ok and she’s welcome to our house at any time, but we won’t put the dog in kennels for her.

Now she has started to make lots of passive aggressive comments about loving the dog more than her and has been complaining to her sister (DH’s aunt) about us, but I don’t think we’re being unfair. This is the dog’s home.

If no phobia or allergy she shouldn't dictate. I can't stay in doggy homes due to allergies and if that was my child who got a dog I'd be upset but there are work arounds as you have already said you will visit her without dog so surely all visits just become you visiting her, she doesn't miss out.

Why can’t you understand it?

If someone doesn’t like dogs and finds them say unpredictable, too jumpy and unhygienic it makes sense they don’t like puppies even more if anything. Puppies often bite or “nip” as dog owners call it 🙄 and more likely to jump up and scratch you. More likely not to be toilet trained too.

An older more well trained calmer dog if anything is often better around those not keen on dogs.

Wow, people really think you should not get a dog because someone who stays 6 nights a year doesn't want you to?

Fuck that noise. Enjoy your puppy!

This so much!

I think, OP, that if your post was about a parrot, for example, or anything other than a dog, you would have had a lot less ''You knew she didn't like it but you got one anyway and that's bad!'' posts.

Pet dogs are a hot topic at the mo, on here and on the news right now, and dog questions are eliciting quite strong responses. Even though yours is a small breed.

I think if you'd said you had bought a kitten and MIL who stays at yours 6 nights a year was kicking off, more posters would have your back.

sure ahe isn't allergic?

I have a family member who 'disguises' allergies by claiming to dislike or be afraid of the pet in question.

I’m fairly sure she isn’t allergic. He’s a poodle anyway, which is a hypoallergenic breed. And if allergies are a concern, then the dog being out of the house won’t solve the issue, because he lives in the house the rest of the time.

I did consider saying a kitten instead of a puppy in the post, but didn’t want to get caught out on something dog specific later on

no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog.

they might be less allergenic but severely allergic people will still react to them.

My MIL isn’t allergic as far as I know so almost certainly not severely allergic. She’s been around dogs in pubs, and on the boat trip I mentioned earlier. She’s not said she’s allergic at any point. Just that she doesn’t like dogs. Again I’m probably sounding harsh because I’m a bit fed up with her on this issue but I can’t accommodate a dog allergy I don’t know about. In the extremely unlikely event she does have a severe dog allergy, then removing the dog from the house for the weekend won’t be a solution, as he lives here all the time, all over the downstairs of the house and in my office upstairs too. Not in the guest bedroom, but in every communal space downstairs. So her solution of the dog moving out for a weekend wouldn’t be the solution a severe dog allergy sufferer would need.

Poodles are fab. What size is your poodle? We have a miniature and she’s amazing.

MIL isn’t bloody allergic! She’s a tinpot dictator flexing her muscles.

Stand firm OP!!!

And yes, if you're not prepared to do that or to have him in kennels or with a sitter for a couple of days, then she's not being passive aggressive, she's absolutely right. The dog is more important to you than she is

Sure looks like it to me.

Why is it weird? A puppy is much more likely to jump up on me, lick me, mouth me. I don't like any of that

My friend has a 4 month old lab which is perfectly friendly but not yet trained out of biting stuff (not a proper vicious bite, just the usual puppy mouthing and grabbing clothes. It has ruined two of my jumpers and ripped a shirt. Unsurprisingly I don't care for being around it at the moment.

What’s wrong with someone’s dog being more important to them than their spouses parent?

I wouldn’t give this a moments thought. If my husband told me someone was using their (lack of) presence in my home as some kind of threat, I would say ‘ok.’ and continue with my day.

It's really damaged our relationship and I don't particularly want to be around her any more. I know who brings us more happiness every day (the dog!)

That's incredibly sad.

Op made a commitment by becoming a ddog owner.. She made no vows to mil. Only dh and he also wanted to own a ddog!! Dh can go visit. You can stay home with ddog. Winner imo.

@MoreCandles why? My husbands relatives don’t bring me joy (they’re fine, but nothing to do with me), how’s that sad?
My pets bring me incomparable amounts of joy and love every minute. It’s sad your missing out on that.

Absolutely!

I prefer my dog to most people, and certainly to MIL. It’s not unusual.

OP has explained her MIL has form for causing tedious drama and this is just another episode of that. I definitely wouldn’t pander to her. I would be thinking “RESULT!”

This is the rather limited mindset we are faced with nowadays where some people can’t possibly fathom the idea of people having a different opinion to them regarding their “little fur babies” and therefore deem it as “weird” - it’s really quite sad.

I mean I love cakes and hot days and banana smoothies ! But I understand some people don’t like some or any of these things. It doesn’t need to be explained or justified, the same way I don’t tell dog owners they’re “weird” for liking a dog just because I don’t like them.

My aunt is like this. So precious over my Mum’s labrador (who is very well behaved and we never let him jump all over people or slobber.
So at Christmas the family met in a central point for a lunch. We had to take doggo as it was too long to leave him (we would be out all day) and the dog walker only works weekdays. No problem, loads of dog friendly pubs and he is very used to being in restaurants. My aunt deliberately went for non dog friendly place on purpose to exclude him. ‘Can you just ask a friend to have him’. So mum said ok fine, I can’t come then.
Needless to say she amended the booking as the rest of the family would have asked why she wasn’t there, when we could easily have booked somewhere that suited us all.

My pets bring me incomparable amounts of joy and love every minute. It’s sad your missing out on that

Horses for courses. Your dogs bring you joy and love.
To me they're a simply a smelly barky nuisance that encroach on one's freedom.
Not yours specifically of course. Just most.

Banana smoothies! Revolting. Dead to me @Swizzlersandtwizzlers , dead to me.

Whatever about the in-laws, OP's DH is presumably on board with this decision making, which is valuing a dog over his own mother. I could never do that to my own lovely mum, or indeed my wonderful MIL, and I'd be gutted if my DC did it to me when they're older.

Except it wouldn't suit the one who doesn't like dogs and doesn't want to eat in a restaurant with them

I'd love for my MIL to stay away because of the dog. I see no issue here for you, just one that your MIL has made up .