How rude is this! Kid's party

[firethene]

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

I’ve been there OP. One mum sent a very terse reply just saying “Rita will come” and then didn’t reply to me confirming dietary restrictions and no communication after either.

She won’t receive another invite.

I am going to decline it 😉

Back to your original post, if you need to prebook for each child then I think it's fine to say "Please RSVP by X date" on the original invitation, and then you can chase if you haven't heard back.

She is rude but I wouldn’t have even asked her if she was coming if she hadn’t bothered to reply by said date then I wouldn’t have her down as coming. Luckily my son doesn’t want to have parties and we go on days out.

Had one kid not show after his mam had said he'd be there at the school gates. Some of the kids even knew he wouldn't be there so I don't know what was so hard about letting us know.

Frustrating because there was a limit on the number of kids who could attend and that space could have gone to another kid.

I don't think it is bossy because it is not telling the other parent what they have to do. They can choose to reply within the time or not. It is simply stating what you are going to do with this information.

To be honest, this is just part of throwing birthday parties for kids. My DD invited 30 kids to her birthday party back in October, 19 RSVP’d and 7 more just showed up on the day with no notice. One of the RSVPs didn’t arrive. It was a shit show but I know for next year.

Yes, very rude. I wouldn't want to send another invitation but I’m sure your DC is fond of theirs and I’d feel sorry for them if they had scatty parents. I’d have to say something I think. Something like “Oh is little DC well? I assumed they were poorly as they couldn’t make it.”

Also your post makes perfect sense with a tiny bit of thought 🙄 and fine to send out in Nov. I’d do the same and send the reminder closer to the time like you did.

Oh bloody hell. This is why I’m happy when a holiday coincides with a birthday. It’s genuinely easier than a kids party!

I've had similar too, although the mum had properly accepted. I sent a WhatsApp reminder the night before to say "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow etc" (which I could see she'd read). Didn't turn up on the day. I sent a thank you note to the WhatsApp group after the party and she then messages to say "oh I thought it was next week, my kid's really upset now!". Won't be inviting her to anything again!

I swore I wouldn’t invite last year’s no-show to this year’s party. Similar to OP, I wasted more than £20 on her place and if her parents had let me know beforehand, another child could have come instead. No explanation or apology from the parents, either.

But … the child herself seems nice, and it’s not her fault she has inconsiderate parents. Also, as luck would have it, DD announced yesterday that the no-show is now her best friend! 😆

At least this years venue has only made me pay for a few of the kids in advance, and I can pay for the rest on the day depending on how many turn up.

I usually send 3 weeks in advance but I can see your running with Christmas in the way and that's besides the point, if you text a reminder days before yes it's really rude not to come. Some people are just like this unfortunately I've had it too, even picking a meal in the week and not turning up days later.

Oof, even picking good then no showing! Dreadful form

"oh I thought it was next week, my kid's really upset now!

Hope she's makes herself cringe at 2am

So rude and sadly very common. We invited one kid to my sons(supposedly 1 of his good friends) yes they’re coming, no show on the day and claims she thought was the next day! Didn’t even give my son a card- we’d paid for his place plus ordered extra food for sibling. Another didn’t even rsvp. It’s awful but unfortunately those kids won’t get invited next time, not their fault and I feel awful saying that but their parents are just flaky.

Why are people so rude about this stuff?!?

We had a party last year for our daughter, nothing fancy just a hall with bouncy castle and face painting etc. Bit last minute in comparison as only booked 5 weeks before so invites sent out 4/3 weeks prior.

To save waste i asked for menu choices and made each child a little happy meal type box with their lunch in it. I miscounted and ended up with one spare. On the day my friend messaged to say one of her three kids wouldnt be there as he got a last minute ticket to a football match.
Two kids were dropped off with siblings who i invited to stay, 2 extra boxes anyway so it was fine!

All well and organised, felt a bit smug actually until my husbands nephews appeared, they hadnt rsvpd so i assumed they werent coming. I had no bloody food to give them, lucky had extra party bags due to spare stuff but it was awful. Dont know why people think its ok to just appear after not replying 🙄

@Y6yhnsr5

I agree the poster saying no response to a RSVP means NO.

OP's first post said woman had verbally agreed: so she said "yes"

I don't understand why you just assumed everyone you invited would attend and went ahead and paid for everyone? That's crazy to me.

Because everyone she invited said "yes"? OP booked a party she had to pay for it

Back in my party planning days most parents let you know quite quickly one way or the other probably because we knew what a faff organising it all could be. I think I used to put "RSVP by..." intending to chase up anyone who hadn't responded. Parties were a 'big thing' and all the kids knew if they were going or not well before the actual day.

This woman said "yes", ignored OP's follow up message and was a no-show - rude.

If you are waiting to see if there is a better offer coming up I think it's ok to say you aren't sure and, if it's ok, will confirm either way a week or so before the party.

With four kids and a normal busy household I wouldn't have wanted to commit 2 months ahead of time.

It's rude to say you are going to something and not keep track of it and inform the person you can no longer attend. It isn't rude to not know whether you might have a family thing or something else that your kid might need or want to attend more than a friends birthday, 3 months before the party! We have just done invites for a swimming party where we need to know numbers before we book. We're only inviting 7 close friends and I thought it was early 6 weeks before. 3 months is insane unless the kids are all very close friends of your child's.

My class seem to use paperless post flyer on what’s app- you rsvp this way - no rsvp then they aren’t coming. I gave too much notice for my sons 4th- decided 4 weeks is plenty of notice

RUDE!

8/9 WEEKS!

Honestly except replies to change if you invite this far ahead. Weddings would be known about, but not family parties which we would definitely attend over all but those of his two closest friends. Also we don't know Hobby dates that far ahead. We generally know about Karate grading about 4 weeks ahead and if it was a possible date for grading our reply would have needed to change at that point potentially. Three months is just unrealistic and even if you can work this far ahead it's fine that others can't.

@firethene just in case you’re thinking the world has gone crazy with some of these responses:

1. The mum was bang out of order for being a no show after accepting the invite and failing to attend with her DC. Very rude!
2. The amount of notice you gave was great, plus all the reminders and anyone posting otherwise, seems to be failing to recognise that 19 other parents were able to confirm and show up with their kids
3. Whoever mentioned the waiver is hilarious. They don’t seem to understand that waivers are provided to protect the company from being sued and ensure the adults understand and follow the rules to keep their kids safe
4. How much you spend on your child’s party is your own business and not a surprising amount in this day and age. You wanted the best for your children and it’s lovely that you threw them a brilliant party and put so much time into ensuring their friends would come

I doubt you need validation on any of the above, as your responses are fantastic, but hey I’ve got your back ;)

Thank you for taking the time to write this!

♥️

What because i forgot a kids party once?

I have two kids both if whom get a party invite a fortnight at least, am pregnant, both kids birthdays are in December/January and we were on holiday over Christmas. We had a lot going on and it skipped my mind as the party was before the kids went back to school. Mum was totally understanding and we sent along his present and card into school.

Sending an invite out that early is ridiculous and if you're gonna send it out Iver two months in advance then this is likely to be a consequence.

I send my kids out four weeks in advance max and send reminder texts out the day before so anyone whose forgotten can let me know if they've double booked or something which there is always someone who has because life happens.