How rude is this! Kid's party

[firethene]

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

Don't not invite a child just because their mum didn't reply. My child had a party at a trampoline park and lots turned up when they hadn't replied. It meant I had to stand there for ages filling on waiver forms and paying extra for them, as well as the venue having to sort out extra pizza etc. It was a complete pain. I have vowed not to have a party in a venue with waivers etc next year, just looking around now. Remember when kids had Macdonalds parties?! So much easier. We turned up, ate food, put on a hat and went home...

You have to book early for venues. 2 months notice is literally nothing round here.

Its absoloutly the point.

I'm sorry but I don't believe you for even one second that 19 people RSVP'd the same day the invite was received for a party 4 months.

I have been hosting multiple large parties across multiple groups every year for well over a decade and never encountered anything remotely like that. Not once have I ever had a 100% RSVP rate and especially not immediately.

No RSVP is an answer in itself... its a 'no'. You are aware RSVP stands for 'respond, if it pleases you' not 'you must give me an answer' right? People only need to respond if they are attending.

I think you the made it awkward by cornering her on it on the school run and then putting her on the spot for an answer (which of course would be a non committal yes, shes not going to tell you to go kick rocks in person).

An invite is not a summons, its not a contract or ticketed event.

You seriously need to learn basic invite and social etiquette.

Some of the replies on this thread and on some other threads the last couple of days prove that half-term is very much needed next week - batshit

Although it’s rude it’s also common and part of throwing a party. We had a couple of people not show up to my ds soft play party who had previously said they could come and I myself have accidentally missed a party ds was invited to before, it happens. Maybe worth baring in mind how common it is next time you book a party so as not to waste £25 a head as that’s quite a lot of money to loose.

Absolutely blowing my mind that SO MANY PEOPLE are suggesting that you gave too much notice?! That is not a thing! Mumsnet is like a weird parallel universe sent to make people think they are crazy for thinking like normal rational people. You didn’t send save the dates two years in advance, it was a good few weeks ahead, probably to try to increase the likelihood of people being available for OP’s child who is important person in this scenario. She was very rude and people like this are so irritating. We invited my DH’s boss to our wedding off the back of some snippy comments made in advance ‘of course when we get married you will be invited haha’ - I was sat having a meal after having laid out her name place in the marquee the day before the wedding when she posted ‘enjoy your day tomorrow’ on Facebook, first we’d heard of her decision not to come after RSVP’ing that she’d be there. Hadn’t wanted to bloody invite her in the first place! Awful woman!

Can't really blame them for forgetting about a party they were invited to 4 months ago, that's way too much notice for a kids party!

I know that “s’il vous plait” literally means “if you please”, but isn’t the usual meaning just, “please”. I always read it as “respond to the invitation, please”.

You’re right that an invite is not a summons, but no one is saying anyone should feel forced to attend if they don’t want to! How hard is it to say, “thank you for inviting A, but unfortunately we can’t make it. We hope B has a great day”.

I think you should always respond rather than leaving someone hanging. If you know you’re not coming, tell them so they can invite so someone else if they want. The last party venue I booked wanted the final numbers and guest list two weeks before the party. Not easy when some people respond late or not at all.

I had this at my DD’s party including from parents I considered friends. It was an eye opener for sure. I won’t be doing another full class party ever again, from now on any birthday celebrations will be with just a handful of specially selected close friends. I never cease to be amazed at how rude and entitled other people can be.

See, I would accept if we didn't already have anything in the diary.

What you're doing is waiting for a better offer - which is rude.

'm sorry but I don't believe you for even one second that 19 people RSVP'd the same day the invite was received for a party 4 months.

4 months?! The notice was about 8/9 weeks. And most people replied within 24 hours of me sending the invite.

You seriously need to learn basic invite and social etiquette.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

WHERE ARE PEOPLE READING 4 MONTHS?!

I agree the poster saying no response to a RSVP means NO.
I have 2 party invites stuck on my fridge for DS. Both in March; invites sent early Jan. I have not RSVP'd yet because I just don't know if we can make it. The" Inviter" should take this as a no from me for now. I will only reply if DS is attending. I don't understand why you just assumed everyone you invited would attend and went ahead and paid for everyone? That's crazy to me.

You said you sent the invites in November, it's now February.... so it's 3/4 months depending when in November invites were sent, still too much notice if you don't want people to forget about it.

Why don't you know if he can make it? Waiting for a better offer I assume?

You're rude.

End of Nov to literally first couple of days in Feb is not and never will be 3/4 months no matter how you try and say it 🤣🤣

You said you sent the invites in November, it's now February.... so it's 3/4 months depending when in November invites were sent, still too much notice if you don't want people to forget about it.

I didn't say when in November, and most of Feb hasn't happened yet. So, no, couldn't be anywhere near 4 months

@ellaj Exactly.

This thread is hilarious

Yeah totally bonkers, people just got too much time on their hands and love an argument!

I wouldn't have paid for them

I think that managing your expectations is the key here.
• If you decide to book a pay per head activity where you must book in advance then you decide a maximum price you are willing to pay. ( This is if all invitees say yes) It won't go up from there, but it may come down.
• When you send out invites be sure to say that you will only book and pay for those who answer yes within a certain date.
•Once date has passed book for those who said they would come. Don't chase up any others.

This way you may end up paying for children that have said yes but then don't show, but that is inevitable because anyone can be ill on the day etc, but you won't exceed your budget .
Remember that the more children you invite the larger the chance of this happening. If you make peace with the fact that "hosting" an event priced in this way is never going to be completely in your control then I think it's easier.
If you don't wish to take that chance then you could choose a different activity.

I'm not being rude. It's only rude to totally ignore the invitation, or to say yes and then not turn up.

When you send out invites be sure to say that you will only book and pay for those who answer yes within a certain date.

No, too bossy

@afkonholidaynearleek

If you're free and want to go, accept. If you're free but don't want to go, decline. Don't just ignore it until you're sure you won't have something better to do