Food portions and how to laugh this off??

[PenisPortions]

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

He sounds greedy and selfish

ICK

The usual MN trope of penis portions as cited by pp is a third party, usually a MIL, doling out meagre rations to the teeny tiny women and large platefuls to the big strong men. That is not the case here. DH was greedy and felt he deserved more steak. We’d have to ask him whether this is because he is a man, or because he paid for it, or because he cooked and expected a chef’s perk. It still boils down to putting himself first.

I don't understand why people keep bleating on about calories and iron. The only thing that's relevant here is that an adult woman should get to decide her own portion size, regardless of her weight and nutritional needs.

When I’m invited to Sunday Dinner at my daughter’s house, I always help with filling the plates in the kitchen.
She always puts large amount of meat on two plates and two smaller ones and says “those two are for the boys” (husband and son).
I think that’s perfectly fine, her husband has a physical job and her 15 year old can eat like a horse.
Women don’t normally eat as much as men, not in my experience anyway.

The guest (fil) only wanted 1/2.

So initially you were all going to have half a steak each? Those steaks must have been huge. Sorry have not rtft.

It would not have bothered me if someone wanted a whole steak for themself and gave me a half - unless they were tiny. You both sound a bit greedy and petty.

I agree your heading is awful ”penis portions”

Sorry Jelly I am not aiming this post at you but at op.

Would you never eat a whole steak then?

Talking about caloric need is so spectacularly missing the point. As if her husband was there with a calculator nd clipboard toting up both their calorie and protein requirements before plating up the appropriate requirements. The crux of this is that she said "let's share 1.5 steaks between us" and he interpreted that as "1 for me, half for her." Regardless of gender and "calorie requirements", he was selfish and thought of himself over her.

I bet he's selfish in other micro ways too. My husband doesn't concern himself with serving food, but he'd automatically come in, claim possession of the remote control and change the channel to what he wants. I call him on it every time. Unfortunately, a lot of boys were raised to think they're entitled to take whatever they want, and lots of girls were raised to always consider others before themselves. That's how we get this dynamic.

I remember when I was a child that men got more food than the women in most households because their job was physically demanding ( mining ) and more men worked in physically demanding jobs back then . All different now.

If I had unexpected visitors I’d have made something different, or ordered a takeaway, they clearly had time as they prepared a stuffed pepper, and cooked that, so they obvs turned up before the cooking started.

arguing over how much steak you both get is so cringe though. I’d have saved them for another night, rather than sit their fighting over a third of a steak.

Thats him being selfish though, not penis portions.

That was too @JonnyTheDogFacedBoy

*to

Even with breastfeeding, men do actually have a much higher need for food than same sized women. It's just biology. Males have naturally higher levels of muscle mass and need about 1/3 more calories than we do. Breastfeeding requires about 500 more calories a day. So a breastfeeding woman doesn't actually need as many calories as a same sized man. If there is a big size difference, as there often is, as women are on average smaller, the difference in need for food is greater.

The OP's DH was being a bit of a dick here. But the whole idea of mocking men for needing 'penis portions' is bullshit. Men do have much higher calorific needs.

I think what you said was quite unclear. It sounds like you wanted half the steak. Which is weird as fillet steaks are tiny. If you wanted more food, just cook the lamb chops.

We’re talking about fillet steak here, he can have his extra calories from potatoes.

I hope he realises never to do that again OP, selfish git.

Op is breast feeding so should get the whole steak on that basis alone

I do eat significantly less than my dp though, he's bigger than me and yes, a bloke! They do generally eat more? They need 500 more calories a day on average according to the NHS, that is quite a lot more

Exactly, @JonnyTheDogFacedBoy . Apparently it's all about nutrition though And obviously one's husband should be in charge of deciding one's nutritional needs.

Yes they do, but that doesn’t mean they need more at every meal or of every item.

This is fillet steak, they are little and v expensive - any typical adult would easily eat one. He can fill up on potatoes or have a cheese sarnie later.

It is right and proper to mock penis portions when it equates to an excuse to make more of the Best Stuff

Years ago, holiday on the Norfolk Broads, me, smug-married-couple friends, female friend. It was like having married she’d had a Stepford lobotomy. Every meal we prepared “Oh DH is a man, he must have the largest portion”, it was so sad to see this change in her. Me and FFriend took to adding inordinate amounts of garlic to the meals we cooked by way of petty revenge. (We lost touch because I called smug DH a hypocrite.)

He's a man, don't you know he's more important than you?!

Oh I get the penis portions things now. Thanks for explaining. It still wouldn’t bother me, but I seem to be on a perpetual (if ineffective) diet.

op I am sorry that I called you greedy. That’s not fair. And probably based on my own attitude to food. So - a projection. Apologies.

You're right, but a lot of us are bringing the iron up in response to people talking about calories. While I agree with you that this shouldn't have anything to do with recommended daily allowances of things, if people think it should then they need to do it properly. Women needing more iron than men on average is no more or less important than men needing more calories in average.

So many posters have patiently explained that those extra calories a man needs don't have to come from the prime part of the meal. The dh could have had more sides, bread and butter etc rather than take twice as much red meat for himself.

The point of talking about 'penis portions' is not that they are carefully balanced meals provided in accordance with everyone's individual nutritional profile but that 'penis portions' mean giving men the best bits and expecting women to make do with something obviously inferior. It's not just providing men with a bit more, but about depriving women.

This. I’m 5ft 2 and a stone overweight so I could do with smaller portions. My boyfriend is 6ft 3 and an average weight for his height. He’s vegan so it doesn’t exactly apply to steak but if if he gave me half of the main part of our meal I’d be surprised.

He gives me slightly less as he knows I’m trying to reduce portions size, but that’s because I’ve asked him to do that multiple times.

It’s outrageous all these stories of MIL serving women less and worse still..even canteen staff ?! Imagine being a woman on your period craving iron and they’re serving beef in the staff cafe after a morning of doing manual work and you get the smallest cut while the man behind you in the line who sits at a desk gets the biggest. thankfully never came across this in real life!