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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Food portions and how to laugh this off??

608 replies

PenisPortions · 04/02/2024 01:01

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
D600 · 07/02/2024 00:45

SapphireSeptember · 06/02/2024 17:42

Hello again.

What better sources? Currently getting my protein from meat, fish, eggs and dairy. Those are all complete proteins, and the best sources of protein for humans.

I'm not breastfeeding, I'm pregnant. Yes I know tuna has mercury in it. Current NHS guidelines say pregnant women should eat no more than the equivalent of four tins of tuna a week, so I buy four tins and ration them.

https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2022-05-06-dairy-products-linked-increased-risk-cancer

Also, yes and no. Eating dairy products has no link to breast cancer in countries where it's the norm. In other parts of the world it is linked. And the foods with the most pesticides in them are fruits and vegetables.

Are you a vegan? Because you're being very snippy about foods a lot of people eat. My body seems to be telling me what I need to eat, so I'm obliging. When I first found out I was pregnant it was cucumber and watermelon. If I don't eat things rich in protein, iron and calcium my baby is just going to leach them out of my body. As long as I'm not eating utter rubbish I'll be fine.

The ingredient that can provide Bovine Leukaemia Virus is dairy product and in several studies more than 50% of women with breast cancer had this virus in their breast tissue. You will also see here that it is associated with 4 times the risk of breast cancer.
There are many other risks besides dairy. But it is also known to reduce the age of menarche which is on this list too.

Food  portions and how to laugh this off??
Food  portions and how to laugh this off??
D600 · 07/02/2024 00:53

@SapphireSeptember
"Are you a vegan?"
No.

Veganism is a quasi religion borne out of the ethical concern for the welfare of animals, which is all very well, but says nothing about what you should eat.

If I were to suggest you should become vegan you could still end up eating high processed junk masquerading as "plant -based" and be no better than an omnivore.

D600 · 07/02/2024 01:01

@SapphireSeptember @CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment
Time to get up to speed.

Why would you even want to mess with your child’s opportunities?

“Our results lead to a conclusion that prenatal exposure to, what we consider to be, low-levels of methylmercury does influence fetal brain development detected as decreased size of newborn's cerebellum.”

DOI: 10.1016/j.mehy.2010.12.005

“Those who ate fish more than three times per week while pregnant had children with higher BMIs through early childhood and increased their children’s risk for rapid weight gain when compared to those who ate less fish per week.”

doi: 10.1001/jamapediatrics.2015.4430

What the NHS is doing in providing that kind of advice, who knows? Presumably because they thought you weren’t strong willed enough to take a tough decision. Even in Germany the recommendation is <=3 servings a month. You must also be aware that tuna being a predator higher up the food chain has higher levels due to bioaccumulation – having eaten many smaller fish. This has been known for decades, and we are way past the tipping point in ocean pollution, so it is not just methylmercury, but PCB, PAH, PBDE, dioxin, DDT and others. The oceans have not been getting cleaner.

How could someone of child bearing age be so out of touch in 2024, as you.

There's more. Getting pregnant during the world’s biggest pandemic is challenging enough.

Time to wake up and smell the coffee:

Substantial majority findings from observational studies and meta-analyses indicate that maternal caffeine consumption is reliably associated with miscarriage, stillbirth, low birth weight and/or small for gestational age, childhood acute leukaemia and childhood overweight and obesity.
doi:10.1136/ bmjebm-2020-111432

D600 · 07/02/2024 01:05

@SapphireSeptember from 00:45 above
Re: BLV

“] based on well-respected epidemiologic criteria for causation, it does suggest that bovine leukaemia virus (BLV) infection could be a breast cancer risk factor”

DOI: 10.3390/ijerph17010209

Same paper that produced this:

Food  portions and how to laugh this off??
CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 07/02/2024 02:12

@d600 Thank you that is interesting, fortunately I won't be having kids, if I were to I would research these things.

Out of curiosity, which foods do you consider "safe" ? After a certain point there may not be much.

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 07/02/2024 08:42

@SapphireSeptember - one of my pregnancy cravings was tinned tuna. Can’t remember which baby but they all turned out okay.

Except one of them is yellow with 3 heads.

KAT0779 · 07/02/2024 10:13

@PenisPortions Ah this has reminded me of something (haven't heard the phrase penis portions before but I'm sure it applies to this). Me and DH had gone to the in laws one day, no specific plan just a weekend visit for a few hours. As the day went on DH asked them what their dinner plans were and they said they had steaks but can nip out to get more so we can join them. Myself and DH said we would go and get them / pay for them ourselves so went to the local butcher and got 2 nice rib eye steaks. When dinner was served it turned out that they had some thin minute steaks but of course now we had got the 2 nice big juicy rib eye steaks they were automatically given to the men and I had a flimsy minute steak instead of the lovely rib eye I had chosen. Felt rude saying something and FIL would have probably caused a big argument over it if I had said something so I just kept quiet.

Calliopespa · 07/02/2024 10:18

KAT0779 · 07/02/2024 10:13

@PenisPortions Ah this has reminded me of something (haven't heard the phrase penis portions before but I'm sure it applies to this). Me and DH had gone to the in laws one day, no specific plan just a weekend visit for a few hours. As the day went on DH asked them what their dinner plans were and they said they had steaks but can nip out to get more so we can join them. Myself and DH said we would go and get them / pay for them ourselves so went to the local butcher and got 2 nice rib eye steaks. When dinner was served it turned out that they had some thin minute steaks but of course now we had got the 2 nice big juicy rib eye steaks they were automatically given to the men and I had a flimsy minute steak instead of the lovely rib eye I had chosen. Felt rude saying something and FIL would have probably caused a big argument over it if I had said something so I just kept quiet.

I think that actually defines penis portions in its most extreme form. The small difference in size of fillet wouldn’t have bothered me given the difficult circumstances ( and mil having a pepper, FIL only taking half) but this story is a whole other level.

Calliopespa · 07/02/2024 10:18

KAT0779 · 07/02/2024 10:13

@PenisPortions Ah this has reminded me of something (haven't heard the phrase penis portions before but I'm sure it applies to this). Me and DH had gone to the in laws one day, no specific plan just a weekend visit for a few hours. As the day went on DH asked them what their dinner plans were and they said they had steaks but can nip out to get more so we can join them. Myself and DH said we would go and get them / pay for them ourselves so went to the local butcher and got 2 nice rib eye steaks. When dinner was served it turned out that they had some thin minute steaks but of course now we had got the 2 nice big juicy rib eye steaks they were automatically given to the men and I had a flimsy minute steak instead of the lovely rib eye I had chosen. Felt rude saying something and FIL would have probably caused a big argument over it if I had said something so I just kept quiet.

I think that actually defines penis portions in its most extreme form. The small difference in size of fillet wouldn’t have bothered me given the difficult circumstances ( and mil having a pepper, FIL only taking half) but this story is a whole other level.

Bellaboo01 · 07/02/2024 11:47

PenisPortions · 04/02/2024 01:32

OK quite a bit of concern over our undercatering.

The in laws were a late addition, and we already had the steaks. We also had some lamb chops on offer. Knowing fil he really did just want a half, as he isn't one to take one for the team like that. MIL eats like a bird so that wasn't unusual.

They were big, thick fillet steaks.

In my conversation with dh, I talked about sharing the remainder, and mistakenly assumed the word "equally" was the intent.

Yes I'm breastfeeding.

I think I covered it all?

Ok - so you all also had lamb chops as well as the two steaks between 3 of you!

Plenty of food then.

Also you had time to do stuffed peppers for your MIL so the meat eaters could have eaten these too if you did enough.

Lunde · 07/02/2024 13:52

Bellaboo01 · 07/02/2024 11:47

Ok - so you all also had lamb chops as well as the two steaks between 3 of you!

Plenty of food then.

Also you had time to do stuffed peppers for your MIL so the meat eaters could have eaten these too if you did enough.

No they didn't.

Because the ILs had eaten a late lunch and didn't want much (a stuffed pepper and ½ a steak) - OP and her DH agreed to share the 1½ steaks between them and not cook the lamb at all.

Unfortunately for OP her DH's idea of "sharing" was that he should get double the amount he plated for his bf-ing wife.

SapphireSeptember · 07/02/2024 14:10

D600 · 07/02/2024 00:45

The ingredient that can provide Bovine Leukaemia Virus is dairy product and in several studies more than 50% of women with breast cancer had this virus in their breast tissue. You will also see here that it is associated with 4 times the risk of breast cancer.
There are many other risks besides dairy. But it is also known to reduce the age of menarche which is on this list too.

According to your list I'm already high risk anyway. I'm 35 and this is my first pregnancy. My first period was at 13, despite drinking copious amounts of milk during my childhood. Added to that high dairy consumption in children can protect against obesity, which in itself is a risk factor for various cancers.
https://academic.oup.com/nutritionreviews/article/73/suppl1/8/1818962

If I breastfeed that will lower my risk for breast cancer. Added to that there's no family history of breast cancer, which halves my risk of it as well. Might still get it, or I might get the myriad of other cancers that exist. Breast cancer is the most survivable form of cancer though, so it's weird you're getting hung up on it.

https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/breast-cancer/risks-causes/reducing-breast-cancer-risk

Okay, and why should I listen to Germany?

https://www.fda.gov/food/consumers/questions-answers-fdaepa-advice-about-eating-fish-those-who-might-become-or-are-pregnant-or#:~:text=Omega%2D3%20and%20omega%2D6%20fatty%20acids%2C%20vitamin%20D,fish%20in%20the%20following%20weeks.

Advice from the FDA in the USA.

https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/blogs-and-stories/im-pregnant/pregnancy-news-and-blogs/have-you-had-your-portion-fish-week

Tommy's, a UK based charity.

Both say fish is a good thing to eat during pregnancy.

So what foods are safe? What am I allowed to eat? Baring in mind fruits, vegetables and grains are covered in pesticides and herbicides, even organic ones. (Ergo I was all fruit and veg really really well, even if they're ones I'm going to peel.)

RE caffeine. I don't drink coffee, cut down on proper tea, and drink herbal tea instead. Is that allowed?

Or should I just be scared of all food?

Oh, so you're not a vegan. Are you a man?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q3chJN9DCGg

Just going to leave this here...

Meanwhile I don't even know what to say about COVID. How is that relevant?

@JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit I think I'll be fine. 😁 Even if I do end up with a yellow baby with three heads! Think of the publicity! 🤩 💰

Relationship between body mass index z-score and dairy consumption (g/day) in adolescent (12.5–17.5 years) boys and girls from 8 European cities participating in the Healthy Lifestyle in Europe by Nutrition in Adolescence Study. Dairy consumption was d...

Dairy products, yogurt consumption, and cardiometabolic risk in children and adolescents

Abstract. The high prevalence of obesity in children is a global health issue. Obesity in children and adolescents can result in hypertension, dyslipidemia, chr

https://academic.oup.com/nutritionreviews/article/73/suppl_1/8/1818962

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 07/02/2024 14:25

@SapphireSeptember - you will be. The only part of my last post that was a joke was the 3 headed Maggie Simpson. I seriously did crave tinned tuna while pregnant. With salt and salad cream… and I HATE salad cream!

SapphireSeptember · 07/02/2024 16:15

@JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit Oh, but I love salad cream! Prefer it to mayonnaise if I'm making tuna or salmon sandwiches. 😋 Although the lemon and black pepper mayo that Sainsbury's do is an acceptable alternative. I have both in the fridge at the moment. I buy tuna in brine, so it's salty enough, then drink the brine. Always have done!

'Three headed Maggie Simpson' 🤣 Perfection!

D600 · 07/02/2024 20:54

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 07/02/2024 02:12

@d600 Thank you that is interesting, fortunately I won't be having kids, if I were to I would research these things.

Out of curiosity, which foods do you consider "safe" ? After a certain point there may not be much.

The healthiest diet is one that emphasises
🌝Fruit
🌝Nuts, seeds, spices & herbs
🌝Beans & legumes
🌝Mushrooms
🌝Vegetables
🌝Whole grains
over
😡Processed junk
😡Milk and associated dairy products
😡Animal products; Meat, including poultry, fish and eggs
😡Extracts and isolates of any food.

Our diet is the single biggest cause of death and disability having pipped smoking into second.

Like any species that over populates its ecosystem, we over consume and simultaneously pollute the environment with toxins and contaminants that will ultimately conspire to limit our ability to reproduce successfully, and grow economically, intellectually and interpersonally.

Farming has changed significantly such that chicken for example has been genetically modified or bred such that it has much more fat than ever before, and today is the biggest source of cholesterol, of which there is no acceptable level in our food. We make what cholesterol we need.

Changes such as depletion of soil, sanitation and the reduction of sun exposure mean we need to supplement with a number of minerals and vitamins; principally Vitamin D, Vitamin B12 and Zinc. And not just when pregnant.

The only diet proven to prevent and reverse degenerative disease is what I described above; cardiovascular disease (most prevalent condition at death), Type 2 diabetes, and halt cancer tumour growth, and in some cases shrink it and achieve remission. Some of the preferred foods have greater health benefit than others, that I won’t go into here.

‘Safe’? you ask. A big question for here now – maybe another dedicated post when I have time.

Suffice it to say that our environmental impact has had consequences as you alluded. But note that vegetarians working in toxic chemical industries have lower toxin burdens than their non vegetarian counterparts, because the body uses plant materials to detoxify. So, what has become conventional horticulture uses excessive amounts of pesticides, but even they are better than low plant intake, but obviously organic when affordable (bulk or group purchase, and sometimes local or grow your own).

When you focus on the healthiest diet and eating what’s on that list, there is actually little or no space for the rest.

Modern man has been around for up to 50,000 years which is less than 2000 successive mothers. Nothing in the history of time. Eve and her daughters and granddaughters did not have frequent access to animal product and evolved that way. More importantly our gut microbiome evolved that way and has to be fed with mother’s breast milk which provides the right formulation of oligosaccharides only they can digest. One of the most damaging features of the animal sources we use today is its antibiotic load, which wrecks the gut microbiome.

The fad diets such as paleo and ketogenic diets have no benefit based in science. Besides the fact that many proponents struggle to define them, I could post more than 25 scientific articles highlighting the problems they cause.

Ketogenic diets are sometimes used in medical practice in an approach that is analogous to jump leads on a car. To prime a system and provide the body with a stressor that forces the body to make a positive change. But not something you do every day, or as a lifestyle.

Ketogenic diets show benefit for epileptics, but are difficult to sustain and are unsurprisingly beset with nutritional deficiencies. Ketogenic diets are unsafe due to the nutritional deficiencies whether epileptic or not, so significant testing and supplementation has to be done.

All the largest land animals, including those we farm, are herbivores and have no shortage of protein to get to their size. The protein content of our milk is one of the lowest in the animal kingdom; those with higher levels grow faster and die younger. A calf grows at 4 times the rate of a human baby; cow's milk is no substitute for a mum's milk. And milk has no business in the human diet past 2 years of age. (that also goes for the idiot on TV that was still breastfeeding her 7 or 9 year old in the recent past).

15 years ago the debate in the food industry was what will we do next after protein? It is amazing that this con is still going strong: total commercial BS.
Aided and abetted by useless client-nutritionists and dieticians.

Enough for today. That should provide you with some guide rails.

D600 · 07/02/2024 21:39

SapphireSeptember · 07/02/2024 14:10

According to your list I'm already high risk anyway. I'm 35 and this is my first pregnancy. My first period was at 13, despite drinking copious amounts of milk during my childhood. Added to that high dairy consumption in children can protect against obesity, which in itself is a risk factor for various cancers.
https://academic.oup.com/nutritionreviews/article/73/suppl1/8/1818962

If I breastfeed that will lower my risk for breast cancer. Added to that there's no family history of breast cancer, which halves my risk of it as well. Might still get it, or I might get the myriad of other cancers that exist. Breast cancer is the most survivable form of cancer though, so it's weird you're getting hung up on it.

https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/breast-cancer/risks-causes/reducing-breast-cancer-risk

Okay, and why should I listen to Germany?

https://www.fda.gov/food/consumers/questions-answers-fdaepa-advice-about-eating-fish-those-who-might-become-or-are-pregnant-or#:~:text=Omega%2D3%20and%20omega%2D6%20fatty%20acids%2C%20vitamin%20D,fish%20in%20the%20following%20weeks.

Advice from the FDA in the USA.

https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/blogs-and-stories/im-pregnant/pregnancy-news-and-blogs/have-you-had-your-portion-fish-week

Tommy's, a UK based charity.

Both say fish is a good thing to eat during pregnancy.

So what foods are safe? What am I allowed to eat? Baring in mind fruits, vegetables and grains are covered in pesticides and herbicides, even organic ones. (Ergo I was all fruit and veg really really well, even if they're ones I'm going to peel.)

RE caffeine. I don't drink coffee, cut down on proper tea, and drink herbal tea instead. Is that allowed?

Or should I just be scared of all food?

Oh, so you're not a vegan. Are you a man?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q3chJN9DCGg

Just going to leave this here...

Meanwhile I don't even know what to say about COVID. How is that relevant?

@JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit I think I'll be fine. 😁 Even if I do end up with a yellow baby with three heads! Think of the publicity! 🤩 💰

Edited

"Added to that high dairy consumption in children can protect against obesity, which in itself is a risk factor for various cancers."
https://academic.oup.com/nutritionreviews/article/73/suppl1/8/1818962

What a surprise, a study funded by Danone, one of the biggest dairy companies presented at the Second Global Summit on the Health Benefits of Yogurt.
If you are going to present scientific articles know how to evaluate a study as well as who funds it.

Like I said "Why would you even want to mess with your child’s opportunities?"

You just go on doing you, and I am sure you will be fine.

Relationship between body mass index z-score and dairy consumption (g/day) in adolescent (12.5–17.5 years) boys and girls from 8 European cities participating in the Healthy Lifestyle in Europe by Nutrition in Adolescence Study. Dairy consumption was d...

Dairy products, yogurt consumption, and cardiometabolic risk in children and adolescents

Abstract. The high prevalence of obesity in children is a global health issue. Obesity in children and adolescents can result in hypertension, dyslipidemia, chr

https://academic.oup.com/nutritionreviews/article/73/suppl_1/8/1818962

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 08/02/2024 06:47

The thread has taken such a weird derail.

Calliopespa · 08/02/2024 07:04

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 08/02/2024 06:47

The thread has taken such a weird derail.

It grew from posters trying to demonstrate the inordinate nutritional impacts that OP was at risk of. (Yet on other threads posters are banging on about how we shouldn’t even eat meat. ) The thing these threads often lack is a bit of balance.

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 08/02/2024 07:20

Calliopespa · 08/02/2024 07:04

It grew from posters trying to demonstrate the inordinate nutritional impacts that OP was at risk of. (Yet on other threads posters are banging on about how we shouldn’t even eat meat. ) The thing these threads often lack is a bit of balance.

I think the nutrition stuff started from posters leaping on to say 'women need fewer calories than men, therefore men can steal women's food with impunity' which was countered with 'this woman is breastfeeding, why do his extra calories need to come from steak, she has a greater need for iron so why do his calorific requirements trump it' and all of that became a broader discussion than just the individual selfishness of OP's husband but still related to the fundamental point. Now I don’t know if D600 is telling us we should all be vegan, or just pregnant and breastfeeding women should be vegan but it definitely doesn't feel related to the first post anymore!

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 08/02/2024 07:21

Ie I think @Calliopespa that the first threat identified to anyone's nutritional requirements was the imminent threat of starvation to the man if he didn't get a full steak. It's now gone very odd!

Sweden99 · 08/02/2024 07:30

It does show how mucked up the relationship with food was.
When I was a young man, I really did need a huge amount of food (I was not fussy what) and the reaction to that from certain people was close to hatred.

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 08/02/2024 08:40

Sweden99 · 08/02/2024 07:30

It does show how mucked up the relationship with food was.
When I was a young man, I really did need a huge amount of food (I was not fussy what) and the reaction to that from certain people was close to hatred.

I really don't think you need to tell women how fucked up society's attitude towards food is.

Try being a teenage girl in the 90s and the relentless toxic exposure to diet culture. Feel hungry? Drink a glass of water. Chew sugar-free gum. Remember nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. Make sure you don't eat, whatever you do.

I grew up understanding that the ideal food intake for a woman was nil. That being a proper woman meant never admitting or giving in to hunger. That a dainty, birdlike appetite was a virtue - no, a necessity. That eating anything at all was a weakness and a failure. That size zero was the greatest thing a woman could be, the ultimate ambition. The most important thing was to be as tiny as possible and smile through hunger pangs. That heroin chic was the goal.

We understand toxic attitudes towards diet, beauty standards and weight very well, don't worry.

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 08/02/2024 08:56

@InASnowGlobeSpinning aw let the poor guy mansplain.

Sweden99 · 08/02/2024 11:10

@InASnowGlobeSpinning, it is certainly wrong that you are judged for being overweight.

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 08/02/2024 11:16

Sweden99 · 08/02/2024 11:10

@InASnowGlobeSpinning, it is certainly wrong that you are judged for being overweight.

I'm talking about the judgement women face for being a healthy weight in a culture that fetisishes being underweight - specifically with reference to the size zero/heroin chic days. You say you were judged negatively and treated with contempt and criticism for your large appetite as a young man; I'm pointing out this experience is very familiar to women and applied to any appetite at all. So we get it. We have lived it too. Nothing to do with being overweight! I'm really not sure where you got that from.