Food portions and how to laugh this off??

[PenisPortions]

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

A big reason they're stupid is because people focus on calories and ignore the things that women need more of than men. Like iron. Which there's a lot of in steak...

Yes.
But the huge amount of feel a 20 year man needs will dwarf what a 47 year old man needs. And no-one "needs" good quality steak.
The parents in this example was being kind and the husband selfish.

Breastfeeding women need about an extra 500 calories, bringing her in line with a typical man’s daily caloric needs. They also need a lot more iron, such as that available from red meat. We’re not talking generally. We’re talking about the specific situation posted in the OP.

Our recommended amounts of protein are linked to our weight to a bigger person would need more protein.

Go back and read the whole thread

It comes up regularly on MN hence the expression used by OP 'penis portions'.

Of course. These MN threads are stupid.
Men need more food than women.

And that means that the dh should decide his wife's portion size, rather than the adult woman being able to eat how much she wants?

We stayed with the inlaws, I was still breastfeeding an almost 1 years old. I'd had a stomach bug which I was recovering from.

We were travelling home, a 10hr journey. Husband (now ex) and his dad had bacon sandwiches for breakfast. I was told by his mother that there wasn't enough for me, and was offered toast.

Selfish twat didn't even offer to share with me. I didn't bother with the toast, and we left.

Equal portions of the best bits then anyone who wants more can fill up on the sides. That’s fair and accommodates penis needs.

I'm bigger than my husband. He's a wee twig of a thing who can't put weight on. I'm an average sized, fit and healthy mum. I work a very physical job. DH doesn't. By MN standards, who of us is allowed more food?

I’m aware, but as we have established this is not a case of penis portions as the other person with a penis was only given half a steak. This is a case of ‘selfish greedy DH portions’ with an OP who has a legitimate requirement for additional calories and iron.

I shared a house with a man and we cooked together.
I would eat exactly twice what he did, twice the meat, twice the veg and twice and carb. Which of us was evil?

Sure, that is true in many cases if one considers the daily calorie intake (in total).

breastfeeding (which applies to OP), activity levels, metabolism and food habits need to be considered as well.

food habits are the most obvious one imo:

my SO has snacks whereas I don’t. and he usually has a larger lunch. Come dinner I may actually have a larger portion than he does!

and I would not be amused if he assumed that I wanted half the previously planned portion. or that I would have half a steak so he could have en entire one..
He could ask and I may be fine with that. But the automatic assumption seems incredibly inconsiderate to me.

I don't know, but the only man I eat more than was very skinny and had real issues about putting on weight.

I would have expected half or none of the steak and I’m breastfeeding two children! I would have had a stuffed pepper too.

Personally, I would hate having the same amount of food as my DH given to me and I always give myself less! I’m smaller even factoring in the extra calories needed for breastfeeding and he has a strenuous job so why wouldn’t I?!

Not a very adult thing for him to do, and a strange way to behave in front of guests (giving himself double)

Men get the option of, say, three desserts on a special occasion, women get offered the lowest cal option or fruit. I kick up every single time, and every single time she tuts and goes on about how she used to have a 20 inch waist and how I’m just greedy.

And you still go round for dinner?

You are wasting your time with the MN teeny-tinies. I’m 6’ and have a basal metabolic rate of 1500 calories even if I literally do not get out of bed. This does not compute with them.

He was bejng unreasonable. My DH is much bigger than me and does more exercise so does need bigger portions but he will have more carbs, lower value items on his plate, he wouldn't selfishly take the bigger steak etc. Maybe some extra chicken depending on what we cook.

Same here. I am menopausal and need rather fewer calories than my DP to stay my current weight. When he is cooking I definitely want him to give me a smaller portion than he is having.

That was me!
And, I am far happier now that I need less food. I would rather accept that I will get chubby if I overeat and do not exercise.
And, frankly, I was very annoyed back then by people who were overweight and would accuse me of being the glutton. They were also the ones who would say they were hungry, but only for food they particularly liked - which is why they were fat. I remember GFs explaining that they needed more protein that me, but it only applied if it was protein they liked.

That said, I did not get to eat steak, but would have to constantly plan to have access to food. And lettuce or a few more potatoes would not cut it (I ate a huge amount of potatoes).
That said, I suspect the OP's husband is not like I was and is just being selfish.

Well by MN standards, clearly not you because we've all lost sight of what healthy portions and healthy weight look like, so anyone "average" is clearly a big fat heiffer and would have been about a size 26 in the good old days!

HTH.

I’m aware, but as we have established this is not a case of penis portions as the other person with a penis was only given half a steak.

That doesn't establish anything of the kind. The fact that the FIL did not want a larger portion does not mean that the dh's decision to take more steak than he gave to the OP wasn't due to the fact that he is a man and the OP is a woman.

Who shares a steak? One each surely. Also, why buy steak if MIL doesn't like it. I'd be sad about a roast pepper unless vegetarian.

@PenisPortions my DH is the total opposite. He’ll give me the bigger plate if there’s ever a discrepancy.
But his DM wouldn’t actually comment out loud seeing me get more food than him. One of many reasons we are low contact