Food portions and how to laugh this off??

[PenisPortions]

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

You can argue that men need more food in general but it is so often not true on an individual basis
And if it is true, you apply it to the carbs and fat, not the lean protein and certainly not the treat of a fillet steak.

Don’t we apply the tinned fish test to OP’s husband, given he’s the one who hogged the steak?

I don’t know anyone who’d happily wolf down tins of mackerel, anyway. You’re allowed to be both hungry and discerning.

It's irrelevant that men generally require more calories than women, irrelevant that OP is breastfeeding. You don't decide for someone else how much they get to eat compared to another person. You split it equally, or you ask how much they want or you put it out for people to help themselves. And yes, of course you don't take more than your fair share. But you don't dictate to someone that they deserve more or less than someone else, child portions aside.

Your h is greedy and thoughtless, and you're breastfeeding, so you're hungry and need good nutrition.

Your h should have shared the steaks equally. He could have had extra potatoes or veg to top up if he was hungry.

How can you possibly say half a piece of steak is enough when you don't know how large the piece of steak is?

Well we know already he's selfish and thoughtless...

There is a culture of male entitlement around food and it really gets on my tits. If you are feeding the baby you need the calories. You did the right thing OP tell your husband to stop being a greedy bastard.

On the whole men do eat more than women. But I would say if they want more it should be of the less 'high value' items. Potato's, bread etc not the steak. I think it's the same old male privilege. The princes think they deserve the best of everything.

I agree with this, and in any case, it’s not for the OP’s partner to make the decision for her about how many calories she needs. I doubt it was that which was driving his decision anyway, sounds like pure greed to me.

He knew you would have been served a whole steak if your in-laws weren’t there so it’s just selfish to decide his portion is unaffected by their attendance but yours should be. I’d be fuming and making sure I served myself the biggest portion, the best slice of cake etc for a while til he acknowledges his mistake but I can be petty 😜

I worked somewhere there was a canteen and it used to drive me mad when the man served before me got more food for the same price. It gave me the rage, especially when I was pregnant and ravenous. I had to ask them to add more every time.

If you are hungry, then discerning will go out of the window very quickly. But peckish and could do with a bite is another matter.
I suspect that the OP's husband would have passed on tinned fish, as he was being greedy rather than needing extra meat. I suspect, the OP might have been the same and was offended by her husband's selfishness rather than biological need.
That said, when I was twenty years younger, I really did wolf down lots of tinned fish and whatever protein was available. Now, it would be greed :D

Oh, I would ask DH: "is it even as we agreed?". And if the answer is "yes", I would say: "great, let's swap".

Next time pre slice the steaks on the slant like in a restaurant and it looks like loads of meat and everyone gets a fairer portion. That’s my only tip to avoid squabbles.

But that doesn't mean at every single meal!

The steak should have been shared equally on this occasion as op was intending to eat a whole steak herself before pil turned up.

He was being selfish

There is absolutely nothing wrong in sharing 2 large steaks between 3. What is the difference between doing that and each having a small one which weighs roughly the same.

It is likely that FIL was probably being generous and that trait did not pass down to his son.

MIL was very gracious too, stating straight away that she wanted the stuffed pepper, possibly to ensure there was enough food for everyone else.

I think it unlikely that a fillet steak would be large enough for 2 people. Due to the cut of them, even a 'large' fillet only usually serves 1. I think it very likely that your pil could see there wasn't enough meat for 4, which is why your mil asked for something else, and your fil insisted on half to be polite. I would have just nipped to the shops for 2 more steaks tbh or had the lamb chops and offered pil the steak. But yes your DH was being selfish and greedy.

Looks like there are some people here that would be guilty of offering the penis portion!

Why wouldn’t you just buy enough steak? I’m siding with your DH. If there isn’t enough someone has to have less and you said you were happy to split the half. That sounds like you only want a small portion

I agree, so then he should have given his wife the full steak and taken the half steak for himself.

That would be fairer and no steaks mutilated in the process.

I've had a sort of penis portion situation but adults v children.

I went into my local village butchers who we all know quite well. I asked for five sirloin steaks. The butcher, albeit a lovely guy, double checked if I wanted 5. I said I did cos we're having steak night, hubby, myself and the three kids. He was aghast and said "Oh no, I'll tell you what, I've got some lovely sausages here! Yes, those would do the kids!" And made to get them looking at me (as he started bagging some) for confirmation. We kind of argued but in a 'friendly' but insistent manner that I did want the steaks and him saying "oh no, you don't need steaks for the kids. Oh no, no. Sausages. Or maybe a bit of mince? You can do a nice bit of mince and tatties for the kiddos. The kids will like that!"

No mate. My kids eat steak. They eat all the steak. I have the money to spend on steak. There would be a riot if DH and I sat there with juicy medium steaks and the kids had bloody bangers and mash!

A neighbour was the same. She would buy a steak for her husband but everyone else would have to eat mince or a couple of slices of bacon. There was no reason as they had plenty of money. She was just raised with the belief that the "head of the house" got prime meat and the rest ate budget food!

Makes no sense to me and my husband would never offer half of MY food to HIS dad and take his own full portion.

Because serving food is not only a purely scientific arrangement of calories and proteins and fats, it's also a social and cultural ritual of kindness, generosity and care.

Of course. These MN threads are stupid.
Men need more food than women.
OP is breastfeeding so a bit different, but in general, yes.

Poor OP. I think she was hoping for a light-hearted thread full of anecdotes about the time DH ate an entire lobster / chateaubriand / fat ball all to himself.