Food portions and how to laugh this off??

[PenisPortions]

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

If my parents were coming round last minute I would have taken the half steak and filled up on sides and let DH have the whole one, I would expect the same from DH if his parents turned up expecting to be fed.

I'm also breastfeeding OP, the breastfeeding appetite is insane so I would have been extra pissed off at less steak!

I hate this. When I'm in charge of the food, I might give myself a bit less of the food because I can choose what I want. But that's the point, it's my own choice to do so.
When someone else is serving it, I expect them to treat me equally, or to at least ask what I want.

My Ex MIL was the worst though. She would win a competitive under eating competition by a mile anyway and used to provide tiny meals and then divide my portion even further so I could share it with my toddler son. I never visited again after the 2nd time.

In college there was a considerable difference in the portions dished out to the male students vs the female students in the dinner hall. So we used to go find a table and send the boys up to order for us.

We were all hungry students fueling our brains and no one was toiling down the mines. Most of us were relying on that midday meal and existing on cereal, toast and pot noodles for other meals.

Traditionally women carried water, children, and other loads, worked in the fields alongside men, and were pregnant or breastfeeding for most of the fertile years. Their calorific needs weren’t much different to men.

I think in my house we’d probably all have had a half, with the remaining half on the table for anyone who wants more to have (or split if more than one).

I do think your DH acted badly. In his defence was it your idea to have two steals between three? If so, maybe he took this as an indication that you didn’t want much? (Obviously not if this is how he usually is.)

In equivalent men and women, men need around 10g a day more. We used to have more protein across our diets in the form of malt, ancient grains etc, beer, drunk by men, was good for you. Again for men, who have to protect heart health, plant based and nuts would be a better choice. Women need iron, the old patterns of food serving was just rooted in sexism and not nutritional needs, especially for pregnancy and BF.

I’m impressed by the number of husbands eating twice the volume of vegetables with their meal as their wives. Not to mention all the extra water they’re drinking to meet their increased requirements.

Because biology.

DH would have split it fairly and only taken some back if I didn’t want it but he would assume half half. It’s just considerate, plus I’m more of a carnivore than he is. We always ask each other first… do you want the last bit and so on. It’s just how you treat people i would have thought. Taking the biggest for yourself automatically is just selfish.

Yep, Ponika7.

The times are changing. And women have always needed lots of protein anyway. He can fill up on extra carbs and veges while you restore the iron and other things affected by pregnancies etc..

Now I think of it, he should have given you the lions share of the steak, not himself.

He’s grown up in a household where his mother eats like a bird. You don’t eat like that. You need hearty steak.

Good point. Well made

We've truly lost sight of healthy weight haven't we 🤣🤣🤣

I have literally never encountered any of this.
I'm female & often (when young) was the biggest eater at the table.

I exercise more than DH and generally eat healthier, but if I get into the habit of eating the same portions as him I put weight on and he doesn't, even though he also snacks a lot more than I do. He is a lot bigger than me (6'4 but slim). It's annoying but it's true he can eat more calories, whether he needs them or not is another matter.
I just would never be cutting up steaks to be honest, I would've kept them for the next day and cooked something else. With that kind of meal we'd both have a similar steak but DH would have more carbs and I'd mainly have veg and little to no carbs

Indeed, it is an individual issue.
As a young man, women did consider me greedy for eating so much, but a hugely bigger proportion of my diet was bread, potatoes and veg as I was hungry. That said, the GFs who would insist that half a can of soup was plenty for my tea would also mercilessly take the mick out of how skinny I was! :D
I suspect the original couple are both fine, neither are starving and should have shared nicely.

In future just cut the steaks into strips and serve on a platter and everyone helps themselves. There’s no way DH would have plated himself up half in that scenerio…. I hope

The steaks were never going to split easily in this configuration - I appreciate it was a last minute cobble-something-together meal. Your DH was a bit selfish but I think it was more a muddle than an act of penis-portion discrimination.

It might have made more sense to serve the chops and save the steaks for when it was just the two of you.

It’s seems the real problem was the discussion there was still enough steak before it was all cooked. It’s clear you and your hubby had a different understanding who was having what after it was agreed your f’n’law was having half.
Fillets can be thick but they are not known for being big pieces of steak. If you were planning on having one each and then suddenly there was 1/2 a steak less - I don’t get why automatically some of the chops were not cooked too.
I assume rather than being greedy your husband assumed you had decided 1/2 a steak was enough for you after f’n’law wanted 1/2 and a decision was made there was enough meat and the chops did not need to go on.

I’d agree. My DH weighs twice as much as me (he’s very tall, I’m petite) when we first met I stacked it on having the same potions as him. He would always give me more food saying “You’ll be hungry later!”

Sorry OP, my husband dishes up meals equally.
He had steak (not a huge steak) with our 7yr old daughter the other day and gave her nearly half as he knows how much she love's it.
Well done on standing up for yourself.

Mine does this, to be fair. His default is to serve two-year-old DS, then equal the rest between me and him, and if he’s still hungry, he’ll have bread & butter/toast, which DA tends to get in on too.

He’s a good egg.

Well since you are bf you should have had a whole streak IMO. The hunger is real

Was once at my ILs when bf, dinner was half a baked potato, some braised red cabbage, and - NOTHING ELSE 😭😭😭😭

It doesn't sound like penis portions to me.

It sounds like a greedy husband problem.

It reminds me of the hungry husbands who are starving and have to clear out the snack cupboard the second crisps and biscuits land, leaving nothing for anyone else. But the rest of the week then big growing hungry husbands mustn't be very hungry because they never make themselves a slice of toast or have fruit the rest of the week. They're only hungry if there's snacks.

🤣🤣🤣

This. Men are recommended 2500 calories a day and women 2000.

This is the land of mumsnet where you should be happy with half a steak because omg other posters couldn't possibly eat more than that. It's such a big portion and shock horror they might put on weight. My dh would have split it equally or given me more as I love steak. He would have eaten more of the sides to fill himself up. My mil had 2 boys and when they both got married was in shock if sil or I wanted more than a handful of chips. It took her a while but she did get over it and after maybe a month never shortchanged us. My lovely fil and my parents. have just never done this and if anything would try to overfeed you.

Yanbu.

Then they can make up the difference with broccoli and rice. But no. They don't. It's the meat.