Food portions and how to laugh this off??

[PenisPortions]

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

OP, if your husband wanted 1 steak and you wanted more than 1/2 a steak, then there wasn’t enough steak leftover.

Honestly this sizing concept is weird to me, regardless of how big these steaks were, I would have one per person or actually cook the additional food.
Ive never cooked the “exact” portion of food for the people at the table, there’s always extra for seconds (or leftovers or unexpected + ones).

I am obsessed with meat though 😂✌️ so this wouldn’t fly because the whole 1.5 is mine🫣.

in my house me and hubby would be arguing that the other should have the whole portion. (I’d be arguing purely and chivalry.. because see point above re meat obsession 😂).

In any case, breastfeeding usually burns an extra 500 calories at least a day (often more) and new mothers benefit from a diet rich in iron to keep anaemia and tiredness at bay.

If allocating according to "need", I would have snaffled the whole steak in your situation, OP!

Maybe your OH looked confused bc he couldn’t work out the mathematics! (That he should give you a 1/4 of his if you were having 1/2 his dad’s) Or maybe he’s a selfish, entitled Neanderthal-type who likes steak and doesn’t want to share - regardless of whether you were a man or a woman. I get the impression it did make a difference that you are a woman as he probably wouldn’t have tried it with his dad/brother. Unless he is just an entitled idiot who feels what he wants outweighs everyone else and is used to acting without ever thinking of others.

Good for you for calling him out and making him grumpy!

I was going to say similar. Men's calorie requirements are higher.

But breastfeeding women do need more, high quality calories, so I can see the argument here.

Personally I'd have left the steaks in the fridge for the next day and had egg and chips.

What a bastard. Lots of red flags here. Time to get your finances in order and consult a solicitor. It only gets worse from here. You deserve so much better than this.

@PenisPortions many years ago I had a boyfriend who still lived at home and I was in a house share with 3 friends . I cooked spaghetti bolognaise and 3 garlic baguette s for us to all share. I’m not known for under catering and there was large portions

The BF decided to serve himself first by rigorously stirring all the spaghetti and sauce together so it was gloopy and then gave him self over half of the pot and a whole baguette. He was proper huffy when I pointed out that was supposed to be for 5 people (our remaining portions were cereal bowl sized each!). He put most of his (serving!!!) bowl back but kept the baguette though!!

he hadn’t been working hard physically all day - he was sales in a furniture shop. He was just used to taking what he wanted and wasting food at home

There was no need to be greedy and turn the food to slop!! ….as you can see it still bothers me years later!

God how embarrassing , arguing over steak. And if they were that big and thick why were you arguing as you wanted more than half?

It's not just about a steak. It's the utter selfishness of it.

My MIL gives me "vagina portions" I guess. Everyone doesn't get much and then I get given even less because she's decided I'm on a diet.

Amazed at the number of people missing the point by a mile here.

Yes, some men may have bigger caloric needs on average than their female partners (some don't!) but that doesn't mean they get the lion's share of the best bits of dinner automatically.

Yes it's unusual to split 2 steaks between 3 but there is a very easy to understand reason for that since the PILs were not expected for dinner in advance and the FIL only wanted half a steak.

Yes it was selfish of the DH to assume that 1.5 steaks split between 2 means half for her and 1 for him.

OP I'm sorry but no my DH would never do this (not that we eat meat but the principle is there)

Thanks for articulating it better than I could! This is exactly it.

I agree @RowanMayfair There's a lot of people trying to justify this on the basis of calories!

I mean if anything as it's his father in law he should be having the other half of the steak!

He sounds really selfish, is this an isolated example or a pattern?
My dh wouldn't do this to me especially with steak because I'd probably bite him

I don’t think this is an example of ‘penis portions’ to be honest (although I absolutely think that’s a thing!) as FIL had less than the pair of you. This is a selfish husband thing. What a berk. Him, not you, of course.
As for stories about penis portions, my GM is a heller for this. She gives the men dinner plates and the women side plates. Men get first, best portions, women get what’s left, but not all that’s left because the men may need seconds. Men get the option of, say, three desserts on a special occasion, women get offered the lowest cal option or fruit. I kick up every single time, and every single time she tuts and goes on about how she used to have a 20 inch waist and how I’m just greedy 🤣

I was in a house share where when we cooked dinner, my dinner would be the same as his dinner doubled. I just needed twice as much food.
Of course, when I shared with girlfriends this was a little more controversial and such an arrangement would be seen as insulting. It was then I first heard that women should have mote protein and men more carbohydrate. Frankly, I did (back then) just need more food, but I think the differing proportion was pseudo-science at best.
Obviously, the man in this case is a bit of an ass more probably.

There was lamb available too but the in laws said they didn't want any more. We sometimes get huge steaks. Enough for 2 large eaters.

I'd never insult with penis portions but not everyone in my family eats the same, or anywhere near. Both of DS"s partners put on weight rapidly after meeting them. DSs and myself are very slim.
One partner I'm now cooking the same size portions just much lower calorie meals, think lots of salad, veg, jacket potatoes and lean protein. She asked to help her lose weight. DH and DSs are on their feet all day, running around in manual jobs, go to the gym, walk miles with the dog, etc. whereas they are office based and nowhere near as active
I'm fed via a Jtube and DD is fussy, walks a decent distance to college and swims a mile most days. It never crossed my mind to give the partners less, I probably should have. I'm known for being a bit of a feeder because mine all need more than average.

I mean my dh usually has more on his plate but I'd want a whole steak personally

Give over, OP’s breastfeeding.

I think this is male entitlement and a history of growing up with the ‘he’s a growing lad he needs more’. It is nonsense.

We are a single woman, teenager and teen family - we would eat 2 medium steaks and 1 small steak.

You have a DH problem if he is not considering you first.

There was a woman who used to serve people in the canteen at work like this. After she gave the man in front of me a massive portion of chips and then me a tiny one, I asked her to give me more like she had given the man. She begrudgingly did but clearly thought I was being difficult. But we were paying the same amount!

@PenisPortions I have learned two things since I discovered Mumsnet:

One is, that it is (virtually) impossible to start a thread with one aim in mind and to get all of the other Mumsnetters to stick to the OP's one aim - especially in the AIBU, RELATIONSHIPS, CHAT, and IN THE DOG HOUSE topics.

The Second is that an Original/Opening Poster, will frequently enhance their story from the beginning of their first post, in an attempt to get any readers of their thread to agree with them asap - I believe that this is a common (and sometimes an unconscious) tendency amongst us humans, although I have seen some dogs use this tactic too!

The biggest problem that I have with the second tendency I spoke of above, is when the OP of a new thread has no compunction in continuing to be ingenious, in an ever more anxious attempt to get everyone replying to her to agree with her. Unfortunately, the person who is most negatively affected by the continued attempt at trying to get everyone else to agree with them, is usually the OP themselves. I have a picture in my head of Rumpelstiltskin repeatedly stamping the floor, until he makes himself ...
(the story has various different endings for Rumpelstiltskin, but they nearly all end with him not being very happy).

Anyway @PenisPortions back to you...
I am much more of an equal age to your MiL than I am to you, and at least in this case, my mindset is probably very similar to your MiL's too. I am going to 'speak' here as if I am your MiL and what she is thinking about when they arrive at your house:

"Oh no, we have been invited to have dinner with 'son's name' and 'dil's name' which we have gratefully accepted - especially as we were told it would be steak, which is my absolutely favourite meat, and as we are pensioners we cannot afford to have steak at home anymore. But my DDiL has just shown us the two large steaks - her description, not mine - that we will be sharing beyween us, and unfortunately I just can't bring myself to take my half of one of those steaks, as at least in my house that would leave each person with quite a meagre portion of steak each.

So what shall I do, I did hear a very quiet reference to lamb chops between my DS and my DDiL, but after a quick ssh, the lamb chops were not spoken of again (believe it or not, lamb and pork are my joint - no pun intended - second place choices for my favourite meats). I think that the best I can do is make up some excuse for not wanting to eat meat at all, at the moment, as the rest of them will then be able to have half a steak each, plus a third of the fourth half each.

I don't believe it! My husband has said that he is not very hungry, so he only wants half of one of the steaks (I know my DH very well, so I am 99.99% certain that he has said that, in order for the other two to have 3/4 of the two steaks each). I am very pleased that my DH said that, as I know that if he was given the chance to polish off a 12 oz T bone steak, he would jump at the chance, but with his kind offer he will only end up with an approximate 5oz steak.

Unfortunately, it has now become apparent that my DS is a bit of a greedy piglet, and a little bit selfish (I know, but I am his mum, and he was my PNB!), as he has just tried to fob DDiL off with half a steak, while he keeps the whole one to himself. I will be having a quiet word with him later..."

I do think that you OP - and your DH - misjudged the situation earlier, whether through ignorance or disingenuity I can't say (but I obviously have my own thoughts about that). I still firmly believe @PenisPortions that you should have either bought another two steaks, or you should have hidden the steaks you already had in the back of the fridge, and you should have cooked the lamb chops instead (with lashings of mint sauce!)😁😋

NB: I have actually learned a lot more than just two things since I have been a reader of Mumsnet 😉

No such stories in my household, sorry. DP would have split the whole steak in two so all at the table were served half a steak, with the remaining piece up for grabs. Although more likely he’d have just gone out and bought more food, or cooked the lamb chops too, or extra chips. If anything, if food came out unevenly divided he’d have offered the bigger portion to me, particularly when I was breastfeeding. He’s a flawed human but generally selfless when it comes to food: “I’ll just have some cheese later” is his catchphrase.