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Original poster

Food portions and how to laugh this off??

608 replies

PenisPortions · 04/02/2024 01:01

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

OP posts:
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12
OutsideLookingOut · 04/02/2024 18:49

OrangeMarmaladeOnToast · 04/02/2024 18:38

One quarter less of a fillet steak isn't going to make the DH suffer from malnutrition either, if you're going down the batshit hyperbole road. The calories involved probably barely register over a weekly intake.

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Yes this exactly. But it more that he thought that by default he should have it instead of trying to be fair or generous.

OrangeMarmaladeOnToast · 04/02/2024 18:51

OutsideLookingOut · 04/02/2024 18:49

Yes this exactly. But it more that he thought that by default he should have it instead of trying to be fair or generous.

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Especially with his wife breastfeeding.

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:00

OrangeMarmaladeOnToast · 04/02/2024 18:38

One quarter less of a fillet steak isn't going to make the DH suffer from malnutrition either, if you're going down the batshit hyperbole road. The calories involved probably barely register over a weekly intake.

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No! None of it actually much matters! That really is the point.

OutsideLookingOut · 04/02/2024 19:03

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:00

No! None of it actually much matters! That really is the point.

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I mean it kinda does if there is a pattern but only OP knows that. I like fair/generous people though and I liked to be treated well. The OPs husband put himself first here.

Harrysmummy246 · 04/02/2024 19:06

DH and I have always taken a small part off each to make up the portion for DS and would do the same to share things for an adult guest too e.g. 3 chicken breasts and 4 adults etc

Your DH is a bit of a t* frankly

Tartantotty · 04/02/2024 19:11

Steak - red meat - is not good for your health. So, a smaller portion is better than a big slab.

Many men tend to be into steak, perhaps because they need more calories or perhaps the male hunter instinct.

All I can say is - this is a first world problem. Think of those who could never afford a steak. Think of Gaza,

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:13

OutsideLookingOut · 04/02/2024 19:03

I mean it kinda does if there is a pattern but only OP knows that. I like fair/generous people though and I liked to be treated well. The OPs husband put himself first here.

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Agreed if it was a pattern throughout the relationship generally. But OP seems to have limited it to food and actually gave just the one example . I think she was in fact rather more light-hearted about it than other posters - despite her deprived state.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/02/2024 19:15

Tartantotty · 04/02/2024 19:11

Steak - red meat - is not good for your health. So, a smaller portion is better than a big slab.

Many men tend to be into steak, perhaps because they need more calories or perhaps the male hunter instinct.

All I can say is - this is a first world problem. Think of those who could never afford a steak. Think of Gaza,

in what way would thinking of Gaza be in any way appropriate or advisable? What an inane virtue signalling comment
Do you think of gazed when you eat meal? Are you guilty about your fresh running water and access to health care?

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 04/02/2024 19:17

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:13

Agreed if it was a pattern throughout the relationship generally. But OP seems to have limited it to food and actually gave just the one example . I think she was in fact rather more light-hearted about it than other posters - despite her deprived state.

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In her first post she says it's a small issue but that it's playing on her mind. She's asking for help to make it lighthearted, and it sounds like she thinks it should be but it isn't quite.

I think the husband, and the posters bleating about men's greater calorific needs, are saying - if there isn't a portion each then the woman should have 'not enough' and he should have exactly what he wants with zero compromise at all. It's all take and no give. Which, especially in the vulnerable position of breastfeeding a baby, is an unsettling dynamic to find yourself in.

LusaBatoosa · 04/02/2024 19:18

@ChedderGorgeous I just want to say that I appreciate your work. 🤣🤣🤣

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:19

Tartantotty · 04/02/2024 19:11

Steak - red meat - is not good for your health. So, a smaller portion is better than a big slab.

Many men tend to be into steak, perhaps because they need more calories or perhaps the male hunter instinct.

All I can say is - this is a first world problem. Think of those who could never afford a steak. Think of Gaza,

I’m truth, I don’t think DH was being self sacrificial by hoovering up the extra steak to shield OP from the dangers of red meat 🥩 BUT I entirely agree with you that the bottom line is that it is indeed in the basket of trivialities - even really among first world problems, but certainly on a broader perspective.

OrangeMarmaladeOnToast · 04/02/2024 19:20

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:00

No! None of it actually much matters! That really is the point.

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Which is why it wasn't very sensible of you to bring up dietary needs in the first place...

InASnowGlobeSpinning · 04/02/2024 19:22

It might be trivial, but it might be the unravelling of the 'my wife left me because I left a cup by the sink' kind of thing. We don't really know. But it isn't always helpful to say oh it doesn't matter when sometimes it's the accumulation of a million tiny ways in which someone tells you that you aren't important - and that matters a lot!

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:24

Jf20 · 04/02/2024 17:44

I really doubt many folks would think about iron in a quarter of a piece of steak,,,

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Well I certainly wouldn’t! ( Battling through my anaemia to type this..🤣)

Lunde · 04/02/2024 19:30

HaggisHuntress · 04/02/2024 09:09

I've had a sort of penis portion situation but adults v children.

I went into my local village butchers who we all know quite well. I asked for five sirloin steaks. The butcher, albeit a lovely guy, double checked if I wanted 5. I said I did cos we're having steak night, hubby, myself and the three kids. He was aghast and said "Oh no, I'll tell you what, I've got some lovely sausages here! Yes, those would do the kids!" And made to get them looking at me (as he started bagging some) for confirmation. We kind of argued but in a 'friendly' but insistent manner that I did want the steaks and him saying "oh no, you don't need steaks for the kids. Oh no, no. Sausages. Or maybe a bit of mince? You can do a nice bit of mince and tatties for the kiddos. The kids will like that!"

No mate. My kids eat steak. They eat all the steak. I have the money to spend on steak. There would be a riot if DH and I sat there with juicy medium steaks and the kids had bloody bangers and mash!

A neighbour was the same. She would buy a steak for her husband but everyone else would have to eat mince or a couple of slices of bacon. There was no reason as they had plenty of money. She was just raised with the belief that the "head of the house" got prime meat and the rest ate budget food!

Makes no sense to me and my husband would never offer half of MY food to HIS dad and take his own full portion.

This reminds me of a woman in front of me in the queue at the butchers in the1980s. I have never forgotten this! She bought a huge sirloin steak and 3 sausages. It turned out in her chat with the butcher that the sausages were for her and the steak ...
... was for her dog! 😮

Sallyh87 · 04/02/2024 19:38

Why were you tightly saving the lamb chops, if you were that hungry?

Coyoacan · 04/02/2024 19:42

Are many commenting defending the OP overweight?

What the actual fuck? Men get to eat the best and most food and be super selfish but it is all ok, because god forbid women might put on a bit of weight.

Calliopespa · 04/02/2024 19:48

Lunde · 04/02/2024 19:30

This reminds me of a woman in front of me in the queue at the butchers in the1980s. I have never forgotten this! She bought a huge sirloin steak and 3 sausages. It turned out in her chat with the butcher that the sausages were for her and the steak ...
... was for her dog! 😮

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That’s hilarious! From penis portions to pooch portions …

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2024 19:51

So HIS father wants some steak and he gives HIS father half of YOUR steak?!

Have you asked him why he thinks that you should give HIS father half of YOUR meal and absolutely none of his own?

Put it like that. Ask him in those words why he didnt want to share any part of his own meal with his father, yet expected you to.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2024 19:52

And I am sorry that you are notbeing helped to "laugh this off". The reason being, its not funny, its horrible.

Coyoacan · 04/02/2024 20:02

And I am sorry that you are notbeing helped to "laugh this off". The reason being, its not funny, its horrible

Ah, but he is looking after her figure

AinsleyHayes · 04/02/2024 20:05

AmyDudley · 04/02/2024 14:53

*It is irritating though and it's really not funny now, just old and it's not satire, just tired. Any 'joke' where somebody isn't in on it isn't one.

Any thread about food is game for somebody to post about a 'week-long chicken'. Take no notice, most people ignore it now.*

You are right @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe, it is a very tired joke that always gets trotted out, I hate the snobbery and social blindness of it. No it isn;t a 'mental attitude to portions', some people can't afford fillet steak, some people do have to stretch ingredients out and make the protein last for several days. I grew up in a family of 6 where a chicken was made to last for days in different forms, I am on a pretty strict budget now. I have to plan and think ahead every meal and I make things last and get every ounce of goodness out of food and don't waste it.

The 'make a chicken last a week' joke or the idea that people are showing off or 'eating like birds' if they don't pile their plates up to the ceiling, is just a not very subtle way of having a dig at people on lower incomes - and sadly that is what is 'typical' of MN, not the old 'making a chicken last' trope, but the inherent contempt for anyone less fortunate.

I would agree with you wholeheartedly if I thought that this is what was happening, but with respect I think you have got this one wrong.

The jokes around MN chickens and Massive Salads are, in my view, satirising the vocal orthorexic contingent which inevitably pop up on any thread about food (there are a few here). They get a genuine kick of virtue from criticising food choices and portion sizes and calling others ‘greedy’ and ‘piggish’ and it stems not from poverty but from a disordered, controlling relationship with food. I know them of old; my mother is one in real life.

Codlingmoths · 04/02/2024 20:09

alittleprivacy · 04/02/2024 16:13

Because they need more protein than we do. It's basic bloody biology. They need more protein, more fat, more carbs and more nutrient. It's just a fact. It mightn't feel like it in our society of plenty but it's actually an evolutionary advantage to have less calorific needs. To need less of "the good stuff." It's most likely part of the reason we have a longer lifespan.

Men and women aren't the same. We have different bodies and insisting on eating equal amounts does one or both of us actual damage.

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Hello, is it basic biology time again?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/02/2024 20:10

Newnamepleasee · 04/02/2024 01:45

Of course men need bigger portions, gosh everyone's portion size is squiffy these days and generally huge!

They don’t need bigger portions of THE BEST BIT though.

(I don’t eat meat but generally speaking steak would be considered the “prime” bit of the meal”

He could fill up with more of the potatoes and veg.

Codlingmoths · 04/02/2024 20:10

Some basic biology. Breastfeeding women need more protein and iron than your average man.

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