Food portions and how to laugh this off??

[PenisPortions]

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

But the problem in this instance is there weren’t enough steaks without chopping them into bits. The obvious division was a whole plus two halves ( or four halves, but MIL obviated the need for that). Once you start chopping them into quarters it isn’t really steak anymore; it’s in the downward spiral towards mince!

It sounds as though you all have issues with food, sharing and table manners.

You should have had three steaks. Thank goodness MIL wanted a stuffed pepper. If Yr DH wanted a whole steak, why couldn't you and/or FIL have had steak and lamb chops to even it up.

I cannot bear the premise of counting food. You were both poor hosts.

Yeah it sounds a right scrabble.

Women don't 'resent men not being hungry' @Sweden99 - they resent the default assumption always being that they should be the one to sacrifice, make do, martyr themselves for other people, go without so men never have to. Society conditions girls from birth to 'be kind', to always consider other needs before their own and to step back so other people (men) can take what they want first. That isn't to say that all women actually are selfless, but that society holds that up as a model of proper femininity. It tells girls to make less of themselves, always. And that's a message we should counter by showing girls that it is ok to be assertive and to state what you want - it's ok to want things in the first place! That doesn't mean being selfish, it means not rolling over and letting other people be selfish. Women get an astonishing amount of pushback when they try this.

‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’

preferably with a sharpe knife? (I’m joking and not advocating actual violence).

I have also noticed penis portions and my MIL is particularly guilty of this one. Drives me insane. DH is generally a good bloke but after years of getting first dibs at food as oldest son, he will unthinkingly take the biggest / best of everything unless it’s pointed out to him, and will comment if he doesn’t get this (like a bread bun had a bit missing and I put it on his plate randomly - he commented ‘oh I see you gave me the bad one’ - well someone has to have it and I don’t see why it has to automatically be me!!)

Will people stop repeating the nonsense that by default men need more calories or protein? It entirely depends on the individual.

Why laugh it off. Your DH was being selfish and greedy. If he wanted a whole streak to himself he should have gone out and bought more steaks.

When not breastfeeding the average woman does need fewer calories than an average man. If I eat the same as DH and we aren't actively trying to lose weight, i will put on weight and he stays the same weight. If we are actively trying to lose weight and eat the same he will lose weight twice as fast as me. So I have got used to giving myself approx 4/9ths or 3/7ths of any meal we are sharing so just giving him one more scoopful than me. Except for chocolate puddings which are strictly 50:50. And no way would he get twice as much as me. He needs about 200cal per day more, not double.

However it's not about penis portions but different metabolisms and I am sure there's some men with a metabolism more similar to mine. And when you are breastfeeding you need more anyway.

If you turn up uninvited as a late addition you get what you are given. PIL were lucky that there was any food for them at all.

My MiL always gives DH 2 eggs and me only 1 if she makes us egg and chips. I'd prefer an extra egg and less chips.

Ex-husband was like this, the most memorable example being just the two of us - dinner in the oven consisted of two chicken breasts being roasted, rice and veg on stove top. I'm upstairs busy with something, husband decides to plate up for himself and eat. I come downstairs - no chicken left. Response from husband, I ate them both - no explanation, no apology a slightly guilty smirk but not much more. Should really of filed for divorce then but it seemed too petty......

Urgh what a prick

I am overweight and I don't eat anywhere near what DH eats- he is 6ft/6ft 1 and 'hefty' but not rotund. I am 5ft 7 and an apple (at the minute but 17lbs down on mid -Dec).

I have this a lot as a petite size 6 woman, people assume I eat like a bird when in reality I eat more than my DH. I love my food so I just ask for more - work canteen for ex, I will say ‘a large portion, I’m very hungry today’ every single day.

Are you meaning for the iron?

Anyway I don’t particularly take that approach because we just buy in sufficient. I really only meant it in the situation where one steak had already been chopped in two and a whole remained. There was a reasonable argument that if there was only one whole, the male should take it. For a one off occasion I’d leave it at calories to stop it getting any more undignified than it already had.
My friend’s reason to look into it was her teenage son becoming greedy. He claimed he needed more calories and we were surprised on double checking it was as much more as it was.

My DH always has bigger portions than me HOWEVER that is my preference and choice. He regularly checks in with me, especially if it’s a meal he knows is a favourite of mine. So if it was a fillet steak he wouldn’t dream of assuming to take more. That’d just be rude.
So YANBU, he should have clearly asked, and accepted no as an answer

Yes, for the iron. And it's no more reasonable for the male to take the extra steak in that situation than the female, if for some reason you think dignity precludes splitting.

Exactly. I've no idea why you couldn't either nip out for 2 more steaks or cook the lamb as well so there was enough meat for everyone. I'd be embarrassed giving my dad half a fillet for dinner.

I find it really weird that you were dividing them up in the first place. I would just cook both steaks (and some lamb chops) and slice the steaks into strips on a plate to share. Everyone takes a few slices first, and comes back for seconds depending on what’s left. Calculating who gets half vs 3/4s of a steak feels really petty.

As you're breastfeeding he should be prioritising your food over his, giving you the bigger portion and he can hoover up what's left, if any, or get some snacks after if his poor little tummy isn't full

I personally, would be really pissed off to be honest and if I witnessed it with regard to another woman breastfeeding I'd be quite vocal about it

If your preference was steak then I think that DP should have offered you the full steak, and he could have had the half steak (plus lamb chops if he needed more food).

Feel your choice should have been priority due to breastfeeding, and seems a bit off that he’d automatically reduce your portion when it’s actually his parent who has caused the issue (by being a pre addition guest, and also by requesting half a steak).

I genuinely eat half what my DH does - he's a lot taller than me though. His daily calorie amount is about double mine.

Not sure what I think about "penis portions" I've always eaten way less than my two brothers, husband etc... and I'd be overweight if I didn't.

When I read penis portion I thought this was going to be a very different thread. Your DH is greedy and decided he was entitled to a whole steak while leaving you to share with HIS dad. Nothing gives me the ick more than greediness.

But yes, to the OP I think you should have had the full steak as you're breastfeeding (need +500 calories a day)

Well they’re just not that big ( I think someone said it was fillet). They’re so much nicer in a chunk with the heat and moisture sealed in, so half is about as far as you can go before it starts to mutilate an otherwise lovely cut. And the dignity is more the squabbling to the n’th degree over division. It becomes de minimus: op would only have got a quarter of a steak more, which isn’t much on a fillet cut. I guess they could have tossed a coin for it as it sounds like neither wanted to give way.

I was going to post exactly this. I don’t eat equal food to my DH for exactly this reason. I’m smaller than him so don’t require as much food.