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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what you'd pay?

212 replies

Barone245 · 03/02/2024 11:54

Due to changing work commitments, DH and I are looking at hiring a TA from a local primary school to do afterschool pickups, care and tutoring for our two children. DS 7 and DD 9. DS is autistic and she has great SEND experience with a child at the school.

The TA is a trainee teacher at university. She actually used to be our cleaner so we know her well and the kids like her.

We need her approx 3-4 days a week from 3:30-5pm. She will collect the kids from school in her car, do some tutoring and homework help then ideally I'd like her to do a bit of ironing or have a tidy/straighten up before we get home.

She has said £15ph but DH is saying this is too much for a babysitter? I am not sure as we have paid £10ph for a babysitter before but obviously you don't ask a babysitter to tutor, tidy and pick up your kids for you? It sounds good to me but I need help convincing DH.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
jeremykylieminogue · 03/02/2024 12:16

Your DH is being completely unreasonable. You're not asking her to babysit. £15 p/h is very reasonable for all those tasks.
And I agree with the others that she shouldn't be doing ironing. I'm not sure she'd have the time anyway!

spriots · 03/02/2024 12:17

To be fair to the OP on tutoring, I didn't read it as assuming the TA would do dedicated tutoring every time with both children - more light touch than that, maybe 1-2 times a week some homework help/supervision. But that was just my read of it

gamerchick · 03/02/2024 12:18

You pay what she's asked for. Going back with a lower offer is an insult to her and if your bloke doesn't agree, he can step in and do it instead

Personally from what you've said, she's underselling herself. Kids are our most precious cargo and too many people want them cared for on the cheap. It's outrageous.

Snowdropsarecoming · 03/02/2024 12:19

I’m interested as to how she is both a TA and a trainee teacher at the same time and how in either of these roles she is available at school pick up time.

PinkiOcelot · 03/02/2024 12:19

You have got to kidding? Looking after your kids, tidying up and ironing as well in an hour and a half. Do you think she’s Mary Poppins?! £15 isn’t enough. You are CFs.

gamerchick · 03/02/2024 12:21

And no bloody housework. You have a bit of the CF going on yourself. If this is for real

Maharajah20 · 03/02/2024 12:21

BoohooWoohoo · 03/02/2024 12:01

Would she get all that done in the time frame ?
Assuming that you live near school, I’d want her to give the kids a snack and drink and help with some homework /reading. The only clearing up I’d expect is lunchboxes, after school snack cups and plates in dishwasher plus school coat, shoes and book bags in designated place. I would be surprised if she had time for ironing and straightening things up, especially if the kids are the types who would want to play with her rather than with each other or on their own.

I think £15ph is a fair price.

THIS!! I think your expectations of ironing and tidying up are unrealistic . She has 90 mins to collect them, get them home and sorted, do homework and tutor. Then you expect her to be your cleaner as well as babysitter??

TheSlantedOwl · 03/02/2024 12:21

This has exposed your DH as someone who puts no value on childcare, child education, domestic work. All work traditionally seen as female.

£15ph for that kind of care is nothing - snap it up OP.

Whinge · 03/02/2024 12:24

gamerchick · 03/02/2024 12:21

And no bloody housework. You have a bit of the CF going on yourself. If this is for real

I agree. DH is a CF for thinking £15 p/h is too much, but the OP isn't exactly looking great either, as she thinks £15 p/h means the TA should be doing more than Mary Poppins.

Chouquettes · 03/02/2024 12:25

Barone245 · 03/02/2024 11:54

Due to changing work commitments, DH and I are looking at hiring a TA from a local primary school to do afterschool pickups, care and tutoring for our two children. DS 7 and DD 9. DS is autistic and she has great SEND experience with a child at the school.

The TA is a trainee teacher at university. She actually used to be our cleaner so we know her well and the kids like her.

We need her approx 3-4 days a week from 3:30-5pm. She will collect the kids from school in her car, do some tutoring and homework help then ideally I'd like her to do a bit of ironing or have a tidy/straighten up before we get home.

She has said £15ph but DH is saying this is too much for a babysitter? I am not sure as we have paid £10ph for a babysitter before but obviously you don't ask a babysitter to tutor, tidy and pick up your kids for you? It sounds good to me but I need help convincing DH.
Thoughts?

Shes asking for 15. That’s a pretty fair ask especially as you already know her and trust her. No way would I be trying to get her to go down to 10.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/02/2024 12:29

I hope she walks away from this.

At £15, you are getting an absolute bargain and your husband is still not happy and you want ironing too.

Such CFery!

Luxell934 · 03/02/2024 12:33

Christ, you want her to pick up your kids, tutor them AND do ironing and tidying up in an hour and half for £15 an hour. Get real.

Whinge · 03/02/2024 12:33

I hope she walks away from this.

Me too. Although I can't see her lasting long if she does take the job. Supervising, feeding and tutoring 2 children 3-4 days a week, ontop of her TA job and university studies is going to lead to burn out.

If she leaves then the OP is going to stuggle to find anyone else to be a taxi driver, cook, cleaner and tutor, even if she offered to pay triple what the TA has suggested.

cannaecookrisotto · 03/02/2024 12:34

Send her my way, I'll pay her £25p/h and not include the housekeeping requirements!

Amba1998 · 03/02/2024 12:35

Well you’ve no choice

if those are her fees those are her fees

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/02/2024 12:37

So you want her to pick them up, get home, tutor them, supervise homework, straighten up the house or iron (🫠) in 90 minutes and your husband thinks £15ph is too much for a babysitter? Despite the fact she is very clearly more then a babysitter.

He needs to give his head a fucking wobble. To be honest it sounds like the pair of you do. Adding housework to this is ridiculous. I really hope she gets another offer and realises this one is taking the piss

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 03/02/2024 12:38

I would question how much quality ‘tutoring’ would happening if she is caring for two children.

Are you expecting her to prepare a meal also? To my mind she is fulfilling the role of Mother’s Help. A role that I undertook donkeys years ago for five quid an hour. If that role still exists, see what people are playing hourly for it.

Sprinkles211 · 03/02/2024 12:39

She's cheap at that! Id be biting her hand off ive been quoted £25+ an hour for a SEND nanny/babysitter

GRex · 03/02/2024 12:40

£20 would be the minimum I would pay, £25 would be better. If you want the cleaning done, then best to pay her to come and do that another time when she doesn't have the children to care for.

NewYear24 · 03/02/2024 12:41

There’s multi tasking and then there’s multitasking.
Ironing ant tutoring!!

caringcarer · 03/02/2024 12:42

I paid my Foster son's T/A who tutored him after school £25 per hour and she didn't have to collect or drive him home. She was worth every penny. She helped him pass his GCSE Maths. You should be paying this T/A at least £20 per hour especially as you have 2 DC she will tutor. It's nothing like babysitting. And she won't have time for doing your housework or ironing. By the time she has collected both DC and got them home, coats hung up, got them a drink and been to the loo 15 mins at least will be gone, and that's if you live close to school. It could be more time gone. So really about 1 hour and 10 mins for her to tutor them so 35 minutes each. When would she tidy or do ironing? Your DH is being ridiculous.

Appleblum · 03/02/2024 12:43

Your husband needs to check himself. £15ph wouldn't even get you a cleaner here.

talksettings1 · 03/02/2024 12:44

£20-£25 ph - she's not a babysitter if she's going to be tutoring your children.

thinkfast · 03/02/2024 12:44

Wow! Your DH is in cloud cuckoo land. A tutor is £50 an hour. As she's a trainee I'd discount that to £30 an hour for time spent tutoring. £20 an hour for time spent babysitting and cleaning.

NotARealWookiie · 03/02/2024 12:44

I pay my cleaner £15 per hour. It’s definitely not too high. If anything it’s too low and asking her to clean/iron is too much. If you want cleaning doing, get a cleaner and see if they are happy to collect your kids from school - but don’t expect her to be dbs checked, first aid trained or experienced in childcare.