Is this what social mobility looks like? Multimillionaire sister / benefit dependant sister

[notknowledgeable]

A friend of mine in council accommodation entirely reliant on benefits has a sister who is a multimillionaire.

I have been aware of this situation for over a decade, and find it unusual. They seem to be on good terms and visit each other's houses. I know rich sister helped poor sister out once or twice with train fare to family events, but nothing more than that, I don't think.

They come from a fairly average middle class home, father a professional, mother worked part time. Parents remained in their middle class home until father died and mother moved into nursing home.

Both are graduates, both are single mums.

The only time I am aware of it causing any problems are when one cousin ( from council flat) got into trouble at school for "lying" about who her aunty is - she was telling the truth but no one believed her.

I suppose in a truly socially mobile society, this should be common, but I think it is an unusual situation. Perhaps it is more common that I think.

YABU - this is how it should be, and/or this situation is common
YANBU - this is rare.

What do you mean? 2 sisters ended up doing differently paid jobs? Or has the benefit dependent sister not used her graduate degree for employment or had difficult life circumstances? Why should her sister fund things for her?

I think the question is why one of the graduates is entirely reliant on benefits. Where did their lives diverge, and why?

It's obviously very rare but there are also not enough details. In a true socially mobile society, the sister needs to be a self-made multimillionaire in an industry that is related to her degree and that everyone has access to. Is this the case?

If her ex-partner (or their family) was involved in any way then she has not achieved social mobility, she was just lucky or looks attractive. Did her business receive any starting investment/capital from her former partner? Did she get any lump sum or high value asset as part of the divorce?

Sorry to be cynical, but in most cases where a relatively young woman has achieved great success, there is some personal connection to a man (or men) along the way. Whether it be as a partner, divorce settlement, inheritance etc.

If she truly earned her millions via a high-powered salaried job or a startup she created entirely herself then hats off and she deserves a lot of respect and accolade. However the in itself is a total outlier, especially also being a single mum, so it's not a situation that is replicable by other single mums in similar positions.

This is a depressing read.
Not entirely true either.

Is the multi millionaire sister a celebrity?

Ah good point, re the people at school 'knowing who she is'!
Is it insta-rich/fame?

Unless you are one of the people concerned I would find it weird you know so much

This was what I wanted to say as well with "an industry accessible to everyone". Becoming a celebrity or social media star is not a realistic career choice for the vast majority of people with degrees. There's more luck involved than anything else. So it's not true social mobility but a really lucky break combined with hard work and a physically attractive appearance. A socially mobile society offers most people the option to earn more based on academic studies, work experience, a business or whatever else they decided to work on. Everyone becoming celebrities is not a remotely realistic or feasible social solution to poverty.

I dont think its that unusual for siblings to take very different paths and end up in different places.

i think its unusual to end up a multi-millionnaire though.

I think it’s a healthy dynamic. Both are happy to enter each others worlds with no resentment or competition. Helping out when necessary but no one beholden to anyone or expecting anything. Doing things that are affordable to both means equality in the relationship, even if there isn’t financial equality.

Not unusual for siblings to end up on different salaries (my DB out earns me by some distance) although what you describe is extreme. It sounds like the less well off sister in your scenario has taken a step DOWN the social mobility ladder, though, given what you say about her parents.

I find this strangely depressing.

I'm at the lower end of being a HR tax payer, which from the perspective of my background is wealthy beyond imagination. I have friends who live in social housing and are dependent on benefits and friends who live in 5-bed detached homes with large gardens and who spend thousands on entertainment. I consider that a form of social mobility - we all get on and there's no judgement on how we all ended up where we are just enjoyment of each other.

I found the point about being self made or benefitting from a connection to a man quite interesting. You could argue that social mobility includes the willingness of people to marry outside of their social-economic class. This was very rare in the past.

I think the example of the sisters illustrates how having children is the biggest barrier for many women. Then your support network (financially and practically) can make a huge difference to your earning potential post children. Being in a position to control that independently of others before you have children is the only way to secure that for definite but is beyond the reach of many.

I find it odd. I can't imagine being a multi millionaire and not buying a sibling a nice place to live (if they wanted) unless there is some complex backstory, but in my family we help each other out in different ways and are aware that our own financial success or lack of is due to health/disability/circumstance and not just eg irresponsibility.

But the thing is that there's no point buying someone on benefits a house unless you also give them the money to run that house and repair it when it needs it.

Why is one of the sisters on benefits? Why is she not working?

Multimillionaire sister set up a business while she was still at university, as a bit of a sideline, but it has taken off and is now international, You will all have heard of it, but most likely not heard of her - no man involved, she never married. Benefit dependant sister married and divorced and gets child maintenance - and every other weekend free. She has a psychology degree but it never lead to much work

Rich sister sounds tight, poor sister sounds like she needs to sort her life out

Yes, her degree is accessible to anyone with the grades..surely all degrees are? And no, no leg up from anyone

Well yes, she has, but surely that IS social mobility - it works in both directions

No, I agree, it is not true! men are just as likely to drag women down as give them a leg up, and the reverse is true too

She is working, she is a TA.

@notknowledgeable I am struggling to understand why this is any of your business, nor why you choose to broadcast yourfriend's social situation all over a national forum.

My inlaws are millionaires, after being able to take advantage of the housing market.

My husband and I have lived without working heating, and unable to afford to eat and they refused to help us (we had a baby and a toddler at the time) as we were hit badly by the financial crash in the early 00s.

So, yes, in my experience it isn't unusual for families to be split so massively in their financial status and not assist in any way.

Thankfully we clawed ourselves up and are doing okay now..

YABU - this is how it should be, and/or this situation is common
YANBU - this is rare.

What do you mean when you ask if this is "how it should be?"

And why are you asking if it's rare or common? How can each individual confirm this? They only know their own circle.

It sounds like these are just two people living their lives and you feel that their respective financial situations define them in some way that's more meaningful for wider society. What are you actually asking?

One sister worked hard and got a bit of luck.
Other sister worked hard and didn't get a bit of luck.

They started average, one went up, one went down.

It's all bollocks anyway.
Money, houses, cars, holidays blah blah blah.

Are they happy?
Some people are happy working 70hour weeks to get a business going

Some are happy working 20 hour weeks to spend time at home.
Some are only happy surrounded by meaningless shite, some are happy having the bare minimum.

I'd be fucking miserable if I had a shit ton of money but no time to spend it. I would fucking hate to have a big house but have to spend so much time working to pay for it that I'm never in it. I'd rather have fuck all and endless time to enjoy it than have everything and no time to enjoy it.

This is fairly outing to anyone who knows them or you, which doesn't matter as long as you're ok with fishing for opinion on their situation as you see it and gossiping!

Neither of their situations is particularly unusual from their starting point, although the scale of the rich sister's success probably is. It will be more unusual for such a difference to exist between siblings, and much more unusual between siblings who get on!

There is a range of outcomes between me and my siblings, although nowhere near as wide as this. As long as we're all doing ok then it's all good, although as you are possibly fishing for, if I was very very wealthy and my sibling was struggling I would help them out if they'd accept it. But you can't know the individual situation and their private conversations.