Is this what social mobility looks like? Multimillionaire sister / benefit dependant sister

[notknowledgeable]

A friend of mine in council accommodation entirely reliant on benefits has a sister who is a multimillionaire.

I have been aware of this situation for over a decade, and find it unusual. They seem to be on good terms and visit each other's houses. I know rich sister helped poor sister out once or twice with train fare to family events, but nothing more than that, I don't think.

They come from a fairly average middle class home, father a professional, mother worked part time. Parents remained in their middle class home until father died and mother moved into nursing home.

Both are graduates, both are single mums.

The only time I am aware of it causing any problems are when one cousin ( from council flat) got into trouble at school for "lying" about who her aunty is - she was telling the truth but no one believed her.

I suppose in a truly socially mobile society, this should be common, but I think it is an unusual situation. Perhaps it is more common that I think.

YABU - this is how it should be, and/or this situation is common
YANBU - this is rare.

There’s no should about it, but it’s normal for siblings who get on to help each other in life.

I couldn’t be successful and see my sister struggle, and I think that would be most people’s take on it.

My brother is a multimillionaire. My sister earns about 25k as does her husband. My husband earns £55k and I am a sahm at the moment. So we all are different. I would never expect or accept money from my brother. He has helped mum though with care costs recently which is definitely a blessing for us all.

I think it's getting more normal. Why should rich sister pay for poor sister to live.

Yes but for example me, I work every day but it's classed as part time, single mum to a disabled child. I pay full rent, get no housing benefit but I am totally reliant on my tax credits benefit payment every Friday to buy food and heat our home. If one week was missed I'd be screwed. So I kind of get what OP means.

Exactly.

Who wants to be a Scrooge McDuck with a mountain of gold coins while their siblings that they get along with struggle.

I think the more unusual aspect of this situation is that both sisters are from the same, middle class background and both have degrees, but one has ended up in council housing reliant on benefits. I suppose it's indicative of social mobility but the wrong way round, going 'down' rather than 'up'.

If I was the rich sister, I would help the younger one out. To me, there is no pleasure in financial success, if your loved ones are left struggling.
Maybe it's just me, but when I daydream about winning the Euro lottery rollover, high on the list is how much I'd give my loved ones and my community.
I do believe that anyone who is a multi millionaire, has had a certain amount of luck. Hard work alone isn't enough. A few things have had to fall into place at the right time, for it to be achievable. Most millionaires won't acknowledge this. If they did, maybe they'd be a bit more generous.

But there is always going to be a down if there is an up - one person getting a university place or job means another doesn't. One person cornering the market means another company loses it. Social mobility is always both ways

I'm not rich, did part time work while DC were at school, struggled when they were small money wise but so do thousands of others, DH and I bob along in life earning what we work for, mortgage but can manage as we live within my means. In our 60's.

Older sibling, worked from 16-19, had children, split with partner many years ago has been on benifits ever since.

Used to help out but then one day I needed to see the dentist due to tooth pain realised they were becoming entitled and would happily see me go without when they said I was selfish not giving the money over to them which I needed to spend getting myself pain free.

So no I personally don't find it odd that one sibling isn't giving handouts to the other.
It can be a case of the more you give the more they want.

My brother's a multimillionaire, my sister and I are not.

My brother chose to get into IT/robotics, I went into sustainability and my sister has mainly been in administrative jobs, she is now PA and office manager to a self made man, ie has a great job.

I went to uni my siblings didnt.

I have had a great career, my legacy will live on but won't be assigned to me, lol! I live well as do my family. I have been involved in some amazing inventions that haven't yet taken off, maybe I'll get mega rich one day 🤣 willing I do, I will set my kids/step kids/ family up then give the rest away.

My sister, following divorce years ago, lives with a guy who owns an ex council house in a good area. She lives well.

We were all brought up on a council estate.

I honestly don't think where you end up is a product of where you start or qualifications, it's aptitude, attitude and drive.

Social mobility is open to all. You just have to want it.

I don't know what my only sibling earns but I'd guess about 3x what I did in my last job. The fundamental difference is that I've been disabled since my mid-20s, with a disability that hugely affected my choice of work.

I honestly don't think where you end up is a product of where you start or qualifications, it's aptitude, attitude and drive.

Totally agree with this.

Being a millionaire doesn’t mean she has a million pounds spare in cash.

And we are not responsible for our grown siblings in any way.

The poorer sister has a council tenancy, which potentially sounds like a better option for her than an owned property she wouldn't financially be able to maintain. She has a lifetime tenancy with manageable rent that benefits can support if necessary, and she never has to worry about paying if the boiler blows up or the roof falls off.

It's also awfully easy to talk about how much you'd help everybody out when the money in question is pure pie in the sky. Introducing financial dependence into close family relationships rarely does much for the relationship, on either side.

@thetheduchessofspork

Thankyou for your kind words.

What are you actually trying to say or ask, I'm confused? Yes adults earn different amounts of money and have different jobs this includes siblings.

But in OP you called poorer sister your friend and towards the end called them cousins and now saying you know her through her ex. Why not decide once what relationship you want to show you have with her.

Anyways, if I have a sister with a child dependant on state benefits, I would find a role in my international business. It cannot be a ricket science company considering rich sister started it before finishing college. The business has expanded internationally, poorer sister is educated - she can work in a lot of supportive functions in the organisation. It happens in family businesses, celebrity world, you try to help your own. Your reaction to this possibility was strong.

Fairly common, having children with somebody that you have to leave (guilty) can bring you down a class.

Not always but it can. One minute I was trying to disguise the fact I'd been to private school! (In some circles, not all), the next I was excluded from the inclusion if you keim because I was a bit broke. Why was I a bit broke? Because I was a single mum. I'll never know with absolute certainty which was the reason that saw me a bit marginalised, at times.
It's always subtle. And people have the right not to include you, notice you, care two hoots about you.

But yes I think I went down a level, socio economically because I had children with not just the wrong man but an awful man.

A cautionary tale!

All of my relatives married people they met on the rowing team or on the debating team and they have maintained or even exceeded the socio economic level they were born into.

sorry, dont understand what you are talking about or where you think I have contradicted myself!

But, no, this second sister is not suited for any sort of role in this organisation at all. She has none of the required skills or qualifications. You seem to think anyone can be shoehorned in anywhere with enough lubricant of nepotism, but completely impossible here.

Do you mean it’s unusual because you’d expect the multi millionaire sister to help the sister on benefits out? Or just unusual that they’re in such different financial positions? It would be even more unusual if they’d both independently before multi millionaires, so it doesn’t seem that unusual that someone who made a lot of money has a sibling who didn’t. It sounds like they have a healthy dynamic to me.

I'm not sure what your point is. It's none of your business. Do you think the rich sister should be buying poor sister a house and paying her bills.

I honestly don't think where you end up is a product of where you start or qualifications, it's aptitude, attitude and drive.

Aptitude and drive can obviously increase one's income, but it won't protect someone from ending up on benefits through having a disabled child or developing a disability themselves, for example.

There could be any number of reasons that someone ends up on benefits at a given point in time, and I find the comments by some PPs on this thread suggesting that people on benefits must have "made bad decisions" to get there rather tasteless and naive.

This.

If I was the rich sister I would without a doubt be buying my sister a house and helping her out. Multi millions of pounds and not making my sisters life more comfortable just wouldn’t happen.

I don't know how usual it is, but a similar situation happened in my family - my mum has always struggled with employment due to MH issues whereas her brother who is very confident (and honestly, quite controlling/bullying) has been very successful in business.

On my dad's side, my dad came from a military family with some money, he has been fairly average/middle class over his life but his sister married into another military connection and they have had a higher income because of that.