Is this what social mobility looks like? Multimillionaire sister / benefit dependant sister

[notknowledgeable]

A friend of mine in council accommodation entirely reliant on benefits has a sister who is a multimillionaire.

I have been aware of this situation for over a decade, and find it unusual. They seem to be on good terms and visit each other's houses. I know rich sister helped poor sister out once or twice with train fare to family events, but nothing more than that, I don't think.

They come from a fairly average middle class home, father a professional, mother worked part time. Parents remained in their middle class home until father died and mother moved into nursing home.

Both are graduates, both are single mums.

The only time I am aware of it causing any problems are when one cousin ( from council flat) got into trouble at school for "lying" about who her aunty is - she was telling the truth but no one believed her.

I suppose in a truly socially mobile society, this should be common, but I think it is an unusual situation. Perhaps it is more common that I think.

YABU - this is how it should be, and/or this situation is common
YANBU - this is rare.

I have a relative who is very wealthy, very connected, very successful in his industry, Manor House etc., etc., and the rest of the family is very normal. I often wonder how his path differed so greatly. His life is a million miles away from the rest of ours.

That's really admirable, but unfortunately it can ruin relationships as once you start, there's often an expectation that it carries on forever.

There's a good reason why lottery winners get given professional advice when it comes to how they spend their winnings.

I am aware of this possibility, but it wouldn’t stop me not trying to give some financial support with clear boundaries and awareness things could go wrong. I couldn’t live with millions in the bank and not share some of it with family. If I was that rich lifetime support would be a possibility.

I beg your pardon???? I thank you for your 18th Century views - but here in the 21st century I like to believe that women can and do become successful due to their own merits - education and downright hard work. I grew up lower middle class - worked hard for my education and took a professional qualification and now earn 250k per year salary + bonus and have a property portfolio worth millions which brings my total income up to well over 400k per year ALL of which I did myself by saving hard - making good choices in life and taking the right risks at the right time...... this is not a boast - this is to highlight that women can and do become wealthy on their own! I have several female friends in similar positions. I certainly don't need a man for any financial backing.... and I've done all of this without inheritances - my kids go to private school - have lots of activities and travel lots and there is no way I'm telling my daughters that success in life is due to a partner or divorce settlement. I'm educating them about finance and how to be successful going forward. We need young women to move away from that stereo type thank you v much. Open your mind it's 2024.

Awful

Two siblings can grow up in the same household and have completely different childhoods. We can't know what happened. From your explanation, the one sister came up with a business idea and it took off. It could have just as well not. Maybe she was willing to take risks and it worked out. We don't know how their relationship were, if either suffered in trauma before now, if any have chronic illness or any other issues.
There are a great many things that change the course of our lives. From tragedies or conditions, the other does not have, to missed opportunities the other recognized, to innate talents that can be built upon, to a million other things.
my mother and aunts are similar, though not as wealthy as seems here. The ones never asked, and the others never offered. Although one of them did ask for help with renovating a home and paid the other to help. They weren't super close but spent holidays together.

It’s probably more common than you think.

I and my sibling and I fit this scenario as do my cousins. 2 sets of cousins actually.

The question has gone well over my head, but having siblings at either end of the wealth scale is not a new thing by any means.

My DM and her DB’s are worlds apart financially.

One took risks, faced unpaid bills, even lived with us for a while, but is now a multi millionaire, another ran from his debts hiding assets elsewhere and lives very comfortably, and another worked hard away from home and family. DM, I guess being oldest, was more conservative and stuck with mundane employers… and has the least funds of the 4.

I as their niece are welcomed through all their doors and are shown a good time. Until recently I had no thought as to perceived imbalances, I just considered their current lives was the result of decisions and directions they made…

however, and this is still somewhat raw, there was a one sided conversation with the spouse of the weathly DU about solicitor meetings and concern over DU’s estate, if and when it comes to that point. At the time I thought it was aimed at a son in law, but realised when I got home it was aimed at DM’s family and I felt sick to my stomach and felt appalled… once home I had no opportunity to clear the air as to exactly what they thought may happen.

I mentioned this only because if you start thinking and comparing siblings, only hurt comes from it. it has brought up other conversations all generated by the same Aunt and it’s built a wall that didn’t exist before, or it might have, just that I wasn’t aware of it.

tread carefully if you spend too much time pondering this.

I’m surprised that someone who’s a multi millionaire lets her sister live in a council flat. Yes I know she doesn’t owe her anything etc etc but I’d want to make my sister feel secure-especially if it’s really no sweat financially.

I agree with you.
If I was that wealthy with plenty to spare and totally independent- no dh or children to consider I would want to help my sister

Myself and my husband have a lovely life style, we are not millionaires but we do very well. My sister is on benefits. We both had the same choices in life- in fact, I’d say she was treated more favourably by my parents and still is. I left school and went to college and university and she chose several low paid jobs at 16 and eventually got pregnant and decided not to work because she couldn’t manage juggling a child/ child care and working 16 hours a week.
she doesn’t speak to me and hasn’t for over 3 years. But over the years I have helped her out by moving debt on to an interest free credit card and taking out a phone contract. Both times she took the P* and didn’t pay the phone bill and also run up the credit card to the max and didn’t pay that either. I used to have her children most weeks on a Wednesday and take them out or treat them to Pizza but it was never returned. There’s only so much you can do to help someone and maybe the OP has done bits to help over the years. I guess by the fact they still speak that both parties are ok with this.

I must also add that both myself and my husband have worked very hard to achieve what we have. And there was a time we had very little ourselves too

I have a friend who has been on benefits a long time. Single parent, a few years in low pay between her kids finishing school before going onto disability.
Her older brother is wealthy, has a large house, a multi-million worth, in footballer wives belt. Younger brother disabled and dependent on elderly parents. They expect her to look after him when parents are no longer around, the older brother thinks the council will give him a flat and a carer..🙈 and the house sold and get his inheritance to add to his wealth.

I could never have millions in the bank whilst my sister struggled. that isn't success in my eyes

Everyone's life is a result of choices and circumstances. Siblings won't necessarily all follow the same trajectory based on this. Equally, one persons idea of 'success' is another's idea of misery. Not everyone aspires to the same things in life. Equally though, wherever in their power (excusing limiting factors such as disability, chronic disease, etc.), creating the life that they view as their 'success' is in the individuals hands.

I completely disagree that success, for women, in the majority of cases at some point have involved a man.

I wouldn't necessarily employ a sibling unless they had the skills/experience I needed. That being said one of my siblings works for his wife's families business, because he did come from a background of training with the skills/experience they needed.