Should godparents pay for a child's upkeep?

[pureshoresss]

Will try and keep this brief for fear of not making sense!

I have been asked to be a Godmother by a friend of mine. I was delighted and honoured. The child isn't a baby, but 3 years old. (4 soon). I was asked when the boy was 2 years old. In fact, the other Godparent was asked around the same time too.

My friend is a single mother. The father pays child maintenance, but it is not enforced and therefore sporadic.

But almost every time we speak she says things like:

"Oh, DS would love a new toy car!" (One of those ones that a child can sit and 'drive').

"DS has been asking for a bigger house!"

"DS keeps asking why we are poor!" (They aren't).

"Looks like the private school I had my heart set on for DS isn't going to happen..."

"I can't afford holidays for DS! He wants to go to Hawaii and Florida!"

"I keep telling DS that we can't get a bigger house and it makes him sad! He said all his friends have nice houses!"

"If I were you, I'd sell the Co and buy a nice house outright or help family/friends.... that's what I would do!"

All of the things are only on a materialistic scale. Most conversations are about money/money struggles. Yes, I have offered ideas/help as well as take them out often etc...

I do not have children, but does a 4 year old really ask questions such as the above? Are they aware of money (as a concept) or 'circumstances'?

I don't want to see my friend suffer and whilst I am financially better off, I am not rolling in it! At all! Yes; single parents DO have it tough, I am of course, aware of that. I do not live a flashy lifestyle, I do not spend unnecessarily, but I suppose it is also a 'privilege' to not be in any debt or have any CC balances. If anything, a lot of my money went towards private hospice care for when my mother passed.

These request to be Godmother coincided with me coming into a fair amount of money, but also off the back of going IPO etc... The other Godparent is enormously wealthy. I am not. Company money is still company money and the other money will be going towards my home.

The (other Godparent) lives in France though and my friend and I reside in the UK.

AIBU to think this is odd and a bit awkward? I am a giving person by nature (and by culture too) and I feel like I am meant to offer to pay for the child's upkeep. To be clear, I do give gifts and pay for all outings etc... but I feel bad still. Are Godparents meant to cover the costs of child raising too? Or certainly offer?

What is her background?

We financially help our Godchildren's parents.

Sounds like she thinks you are an easy target. If you weren't generous would you ever hear from her?

Tell her you will pray for him to ease his distress.....

Nope.

Presents maybe but not bankrolling the child

shes a grifter of the highest order

@pureshoresss "If I were you, I'd sell the Co and buy a nice house outright or help family/friends.... that's what I would do!"

Gosh, how very subtle. Of course she would, selfless, caring woman that she is! Now that would have been the moment I would have told her to get lost. As the christening hasn't yet taken place, now is the time to back off from being a godparent. I'm sure she can advertise for someone richer.

Not read the whole thread, but I think she misheard. Godparents are supposed to pRay for their godchildren, not pay for them…

(This is a joke rather than in any way a dig…)

The mum is talking bollocks and trying to scam you for money. You don’t owe either of them anything. In fact, I’d walk away as this is nasty behaviour.

@pureshoresss

Your friend is being very pushy and greedy and seems to have unrealistic expectations of you funding a lifestyle for her way beyond her pocket - and yours. Be careful because otherwise you'll be expected in the future to fund her son's private school, their future private healthcare (and hers?), his driving lessons and first car, fund his wedding, etc. Where will this end ?

Does she think you are enormously wealthy like the other godparent because she knows you came into a fair amount of money? Does that godparent get the same comments I wonder?

You might need to have a think about how you tell you are not in a position to give her all these things she's heavily hinting at now or in the future and close this down. 🌹

A classic cheeky fucker!!!

I wouldn't be entirely sure this friendship will endure once it becomes clear ongoing financial gifts and support are not going to be forthcoming. On that basis, it might be prudent to to tell your friend that although you feel honoured to become her child's Godmother, after much in-depth thought and soul-searching, you don't feel you would be able to adequately fulfil the role because [insert excuses]. I think you need to ask yourself if you would feel comfortable having a tie to the family (however tenuous) if the friendship ends.

No they shouldn't ! i think it's more of a symbolic thing .
I also think your friend sounds like a cheeky cow !

I wouldn't say the role of Godparent has anything to do with money. I assume she's not actually religious or she'd have had the child christened when they were a baby. They are usually only done that late for a school place advantage. In this case it sounds like it's being done because your friend thinks there will be a financial advantage. There isn't though, she's a chancer.

She’s talking bullcrap.

I am a godparent and my children have godparents. In each case a solemn religious ceremony, followed by birthday and Christmas presents being exchanged annually.

I certainly don’t bankroll my GC and nor are my children showered with money from their GP. One dc is mentioned in a gp will as they checked their exact full name for that purpose 10 years ago but I imagine it will be a for a token few hundred pounds not a life changing bequest!

children of this age don’t speak like this. They will compare to their friends (they would like a blue scooter) but not on this scale. Totally ridiculous

I"m a god mother' though none of are religious and dad is Hindu by birth. There was no christening, but a naming party in the garden.
To me it just denotes a special person in some ones life. She always had Christmas and birthday presents, plus a summer holiday present when I went to visit them. (As did her brother)
We had special days out together. I bought her some things for her room when she went to uni. I bought her first piece of proper jewellery when she was 21.

I don't have money sat in the bank for a legacy. If I hadnt adopted my son I would probably have left my house to her. As it is now I may be able to leave her a token gift in my will.

She probably won't need it though. She earns more than I did at her age and looks set for some international corporate career - currently in Dubai.

Sorry but she is full of 💩and sounds delusional. I d walk away from said “friend “ 🚩🚩🚩

Definitely seems odd from her. We all want things we can’t afford but there’s only so much it’s reasonable to bend a friends ear about it.

You aren’t expected to financially support your godchild…but when you are single and have a little spare cash it is nice to treat them to the odd day out or ice cream at the park which you already do. (Nice but not compulsory).

DS has been asking for a bigger house....and keeps asking. I can't provide for him...”

“I found a house (that DS would love)… but it is out of my price range…”

If this is genuine, which I doubt, I'd have raised an eyebrow and said 'It's a pity that you can't provide the ridiculous lifestyle your 3 year old apparently craves - but what do you expect anyone else to do about it?"

I'd be texting now to say, 'I'm going to decline the opportunity to be a godparent to your child now' and I'd cut all contact.

No - they are meant to provide religious guidance and assist the parents with the Christian upbringing of the child.
I think she misheard. Godparents are supposed to pRay for their godchildren, not pay for them… 😂

No of course not. It's never been expected and still is not.

One of my godparents has recently died and he has very wealthy. He was a bit like a close uncle and we saw him quite frequently. Went on holiday together when I was younger. He (or rather his wife!) was fabulous remembering Christmas and birthdays… but things like monopoly. Nothing flash. They didn’t support us financially although I know that when other close family members were in a tight situation they helped out. There should be no expectations beyond pressies, the odd day out or lunch out.

If she doesn't send the kid to private school the house won't be smaller than his friends' houses. She'll save the money on school fees and be able to afford the holidays. Job done.

A 4 year old mentions toys they’d like,
usually things they have seen at school or at a friend’s house (all children do this, regardless of how wealthy their family is) but do not compare actual houses to the extent they want to move! They might say a friend has a big house, but it’s merely an observation. Also, godparents are not expected to pay for things beyond birthday presents etc.

@pureshoresss find her a rich husband she obviously needs one.

Hi Op

As many have pointed out, sadly your friend is a total grifter, and unashamedly wants you to fund her and her child's lifestyles.

That must be hard to hear. If you were my friend or sister, I would advise that you decline to be godparent and distance yourself.

Sorry you are in this position.