Family didn’t pay

[LonelyonThames]

I’m in the middle of a discussion with my DH about the events of his birthday meal last week.

I had booked a table for my DH, his sister, her husband, their DC and our parents. Everyone had a good time and towards the end of the meal I felt worried that it would be awkward to sit and divide the bill up between such a large group. I went over and paid discreetly.

To my surprise, upon leaving not a single person asked whether the meal had been paid for. I felt very taken aback that nobody even thanked me for paying for the whole meal, let alone asking if they could contribute. No discussion about money was had prior to the meal.

AIBU in expecting my DH’s sister and husband to have at least asked about payment? I can understand our parents not asking or paying but don’t understand why his sibling wouldn’t enquire about the cost?

A lot of these replies are weird. Would you all really not thank someone if you were under the impression they had paid for your meal?

Also love the boat comment, rarely laugh out loud at mumsnet, but that has really tickled me. I think it is because of how it just came out of the blue. Enjoy your boat, OP! I am jealous too. 😂

Really?
I think it's normal to pay when you invite someone out to an event. Different if a group of friends/family say 'let's to out to (for example) that new restaurant...' and someone ends up organising it. Then they wouldn't pay.

I didn’t intend for the boat comment to be boastful - we only bought it to have something to do when not at our castle

(joke!)

Surely it would have to be on a par with a cruise liner to cause such jealousy? I can’t see a rubber dingy being quite the same…

😂

My DP has a boat. It is a small rowing boat for inshore sea fishing purposes that seems to be permanently holed below the waterline. I think it cost less to buy than a family meal out.

I think they were rude! If I'm out for a family meal and someone goes up and discreetly pays, I always
a) ask them if I can make a contribution
b) if they say no, it's on me, I thank them for their generosity

It is interesting however to reflect that every single time this has happened, they've said no. If I decided to pay the bill and wanted contributions after, I'd say as much at the table! "Rather than faffing about with split bills, how about I pay and then everyone can transfer me the money" etc.

Now a castle is something I can relate to relatives being jealous of. Not that any of my family has a castle but if they did, and it would have to be well heated with plenty of damp proofing, then I’d be jealous.

😂😂😂😂😂

that’s so cringe it’s funny,

you invited, it’s his birthday meal, they saw you pay they thought it the deal

or yes they are all seething with jealousy over you and the boat has topped it off,

whatever ,,,um…floats your boat,

If you went and paid for it then I assume they thought you wanted to pay for it.
If you wanted to split the bill I would have expected you to have said shall we split it 6 ways (or however many) or just pay for what we had? Or something like that. If you didn't mention it and just paid it then I would assume you had chosen to pay the bill. I would have checked whether the bill had been paid though and said thank you if you had paid it.

If we invite we pay. Buy discreetly paying the bill is a sure sign your paying anyway. However, I’m pretty sure we’d happily pay for a family dinner for one of our children on their birthday even if they’d done the inviting.

Well all I can say is

You invited them out and paid the bill before discussing it 🤷‍♀️

I can understand our parents not asking or paying

Why?

A boat or a yacht? Does she have a paddle board? Does anyone canoe? Do the children have pedalos?

To be fair. That is the well known rule in society.

Buy a boat, pay for the next meal out.

Because in some cultures we like to treat our parents!

YANBU

Not thanking for the meal is very bad manners...poor form...you are in the right to be miffed... CFS and rude

And in some cultures parents like to treat their adult kids

Rosie and Jim and Duck

Irrespective if you had several castles and the QE II..

It's really not hard to split a bill between three groups assuming you all eat and drink similarly, two children? Something like 30-30-45 (I am aware that equals 105).

Yeah, it's not clear at all. Tbh if you invited them, you pay. Of course they should say thanks though!

Echoing others. If we invite others to celebrate with us, we pay. We would never expect others to fund our celebrations. It would feel really cheeky and bad mannered otherwise.

If we don't want to pay for others, just the two of us go out.

Good manners to acknowledge the invite and nice time they had though.