Really Annoyed This Morning ...

[MrsToriCostner]

Sorry guys, I just really need a rant!

SAHM here, two kids, almost 7, almost 2.

Got up this morning, came down, kitchen a mess from me cooking last night.

Presumed DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night.

I do DHs packed lunch for work and shout up and ask him to bring any glasses/pots from upstairs meanwhile I've told DC1 to get dressed for school numerous times but they are not listening and still in pjs watching tv.

I go upstairs to get ready for the school run and find glasses/pots in DC1 bedroom, DH has taken the flat sheet off our bed and dumped it on the floor and left it there because DC2 leaked in the night apparently. His socks are dumped on the floor too, it's the same every morning, I find myself putting them in the wash basket myself.

DC1 is still not dressed and apparently can't find any socks despite multiple pairs been in the wardrobe.

So I'm shouting loud by now as we are going to be late and I'm taking 2 kids on the school run.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel I could fall out with the world today 🙁

It's very annoying that the sheet and socks weren't put in the laundry basket. I think it's acceptable to put it in the machine and not turn it on - it's not a full load and you may have wanted to add to it. I also don't think it's unreasonable to make him lunch, if you're doing everyone else's. Although, maybe DH should make lunches for all instead. Agree TV is a thief of time in the morning.

Urghhhhhhh I hate this view with a passion

Why do some people suddenly become incompetent and unable to pick up after themselves when they have a SAH partner. It’s just basic respect to pick your own socks up off the floor and not throw them down expecting your OH to do it for you. I don’t even pick up my child’s socks (10yrs) who knows to put them in the wash basket, so why should I be expected to pick up after a grown adult man just because he has a job 😂 YUK

Easy know you don't live with any teenagers.... you never know what they could have in their bedrooms. Could easily be a pot, as in saucepan!
I just tell them to bring down everything.... occasionally they do & it's not pretty 🤮

Nobody seriously could fail to work out what the OP meant by "pots" could they? I hate this snidey stuff.

Today I made DH a packed lunch. While I was doing that, he spent time playing with our 15 month old. He could have done it himself, but he'd already taken our other DC to school, changed the bins and cleaned the cat litter tray. While he was doing the latter two, I had been getting both kids breakfasted and dressed. He won't get to see DC2 until tonight, whereas I'm home all day with him. Making his packed lunch doesn't make me a servant or a mug. It's just a nice thing to do. Also, sandwiches made the night before go limp and soggy, so no.

OP I think your set up sounds fine, your DH didn't get it 100% right or to your liking this morning, but he tried and he's obviously not totally useless. Next time, speak up if you want the dishwasher loaded. Forgetting to bring down glasses and not getting it right with the washing are annoying, but not end of the world stuff. Whenever my DH does things like this I remember I do annoying things sometimes too, and its easier to give him some grace.

Finally, as many PPs have suggested, no TV until kids are dressed and ready is a game changer

It's a "full time job" apparently....!

@Finlesswonder

me and my husband each do our own washing and often have separate meals

Can’t believe the hoo-ha on here about making your partner’s lunch! I WFH and enjoy putting a lunch (or tea, depending on his shift) box together for my DH. I put little treats in and healthy snacks too, to keep him going on a long shift. Saves him buying junk or taking time to do it himself. No hardship for me, spending all day at home without a long commute and not doing a 12 hour day. We’ve been together 20 years. It’s a caring kind of thing to do. Just like when he brings me coffee in bed every day.

It’s pretty obvious what she meant. Have you never heard the term Pots and Pans?
And even if it was potties her husband left them up there.
OP, He does his own packed lunch from now on.
Set a timer for the seven year old to get dressed and no TV or screens on until after then.
I chucked the lid off the washing basket away because my DH jut piled his dirty clothes on top of it.

" 'Presumed' DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night." There it is. Why didn't you ask/tell/remind him to do it before you went to bed?

I shouldn't have mentioned the pack lunch 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

It was never about the packed lunch. The pack lunch was never an issue for me 🤣

TV only when ready, and don’t make your DP’s packed lunch for him. Also if you’ve got the whole day don’t rush it all in the morning before school.

I feel as though I shouldn't have to keep asking, reminding, prompting him. I'm going to speak to him tonight.

You're a SAHM not a servant
Absolutely! You made the dinner, why shouldn’t he put the dishes in the dishwasher?! He noticed the sheet was wet, he should put it in the basket as a minimum, don’t leave it wet on the floor for the OP.

OP has taken on board the comments about the tv and I agree it’s primarily her responsibility to get the older child to school on time. I found getting stuff ready the night before made a huge difference, school clothes, school bag, water bottle etc.

I do think you need to have a conversation with your partner about pulling his weight. I’d start putting his socks into a pile on the floor and just wait for him to deal with them. I’d also pull him up on the dishwasher etc but appreciate there’s a fine line between getting him to act and becoming a full time nag. Not fun for anyone.

Tell DH to make his own lunch and the kids that there's no TV in the mornings.

Why didn't you ask/tell/remind him to do it before you went to bed?

Why would a grown adult not know that if his wife has done the dinner, he does the dishes?

@MrsToriCostner You're allowed to have a morning when everything annoys you, don't let it spoil your day.

I also learned the hard way that allowing TV in the morning meant nothing got done!

God this thread is depressing. The number of people who think that because the OP is a SAHM, its totally fine for DH to make her life harder, to just throw things on the floor and expect her to pick them up like she's a skivvy. And that if she wants it to change she needs to issue him with instructions, asking him to 'please put the dirty sheet in the washing basket not on the floor', because of course along with doing everything around the home, looking after their children (including a 2 year old), she also has to manage him, telling him to do things that most normal adults know to do without needing asking.

@Str8talkin I’d rather it was in the basket then left on the floor!
I don’t think that makes me an idiot 😆

This was my 1st thought. I have never made or organised my partners lunch. I will make him a bacon sandwich if I'm at home and cooking one for me too.
Always takes me back to a day out I had with my Nan when my eldest was a baby and she was concerned what my partner would do for lunch 😆

I feel your pain. My DH has only just started helping in any useful way in the morning now the kids are teens and TBH don't need a lot of help. Your DC are very small at the moment. It will get better as they get older and more capable of doing tasks themselves. Can you decide clearly assigned tasks each morning for each person. Write them down and stick them on the fridge. Of course you will most likely end up doing all the million little things not listed but it is a start.

I feel your pain. My DH has only just started helping in any useful way in the morning now the kids are teens and TBH don't need a lot of help. Your DC are very small at the moment. It will get better as they get older and more capable of doing tasks themselves. Can you decide clearly assigned tasks each morning for each person. Write them down and stick them on the fridge. Of course you will most likely end up doing all the million little things not listed but it is a start.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to 'remind' a grown man to pull his weight? I've seen so many statements like this around MN recently. Very dispiriting.