Page 14 | Really Annoyed This Morning ...

Ilovesmesomefriedchicken · 05/02/2024 14:13

Of course you need to vent about it, it’s not fair for all of that to be on you. I’d recommend sitting down with your partner & discussing the situation calmly & highlighting everything you do and that you’re not his mother you are both parents so you should both be doing an equal amount around the house & for the kids. It shouldn’t all be on you or for you to tell him what he needs to do x

Nanny0gg · 05/02/2024 14:31

This reply has been deleted

This was started by a persistent troll.

Or he could have loaded it last night and she could have emptied it this morning ready to take the days pots (!)

Or, she could just do everything domestic, because she doesn't work outside the home.

FlipFlop1987 · 05/02/2024 14:50

why on Mumsnet is there an obsession with mothers ‘getting back to work’ to make things even at home. Honestly if I had enough income to not have to work I’d be taking the opportunity with both hands. It’s not taking women back generations to enjoy being at home whilst the kids are young.

This is from someone Masters educated who moved miles away from home for 10 years just to get a foot in the door. Sometimes it’s just nice to get out the rat race and enjoy life for a bit. It’s shorter than we think….

Calliopespa · 05/02/2024 15:03

Makeitmakesensetoday · 02/02/2024 09:36

Get back to work, make parenting equal. As an aside why are there 'pots' in the bedroom?

Knew someone would go for that! Thought we’d get last the first post though.

Nanny0gg · 05/02/2024 15:59

NoKnit · 02/02/2024 14:28

I'm a sahm and honestly I think this is all out of proportion. Actually more than.

So a child leaked at night and a parent stripped the sheet off the bed. Why is this wrong?

Socks on floor oh for goodness sake if you left them surely he'll just move them after work? Honestly bigger things to be upset about. I bet your husband doesn't expect you to put them in the washing basket for him.

Making his lunch? You offered, it's nice what is the problem? He hasn't demanded has he?

You don't mention how long your older child is in school for (where I am my 7 year old finishes school 11:20 most days of the week) or if your 2 year old goes to a nursery, childminder or daycare. All big factors in this.

But honestly you are making a big deal of a sheet you need to wash anyway being on the floor instead of in a basket, a pair of socks and a packed lunch? This is assuming your husband brings in all the money and works full time. I'm in your shoes and think you are unreasonable.

As for TV in the morning it is obvious this is a huge nono if you want to get to school on time.

Expecting him to do the dishwasher, I mean have you ever asked/told him to do it and he hasn't? People can't mind read if you'd told him would he have done it?

Your husband sounds like a decent man it's unfair the way people are slating him

I've been married for over 40 years to a fully functioning adult who realises that if there are dirty dishes and pots all over the kitchen that it needs clearing up.

And if I've cooked then he will do them

I don't have to point them out

And if he strips the bed he would put the sheets on top of the laundry basket till I dealt with them when he'd gone to work. He also knows I don't want to see dirty clothes left on the floor. We're a 'make the bed and have a tidy bedroom' kind of couple. Even when the children were small

Btwmum23 · 05/02/2024 16:48

If my husband was a SAHP I would expect him to do my lunch and all the house hold chores, plus kids activities. We pay a person to do these which we would not if one of us was at home. You do not seem to have small kids, so what you are doing 8.30-3.30 while the kids are away? Everybody needs to work in an household, either outside or inside the house.

NaMac93 · 05/02/2024 18:29

While this might be the obvious choice, the chances of it still being the same only now having the added stress of work and no time to do everything yourself. He's a man child and needs to take some responsibility.

It's petty but I'd just get her everything he strews across the house in a pile next to his side of the bed 😂 but seriously, have a conversation and tell him you're not his maid!

Calliopespa · 05/02/2024 20:00

Btwmum23 · 05/02/2024 16:48

If my husband was a SAHP I would expect him to do my lunch and all the house hold chores, plus kids activities. We pay a person to do these which we would not if one of us was at home. You do not seem to have small kids, so what you are doing 8.30-3.30 while the kids are away? Everybody needs to work in an household, either outside or inside the house.

“Everybody needs to work in a household, either outside or inside the house,”

Well if you read a number of other current threads, sahps don’t “work”; I’m not sure what all the tasks they do are called but apparently they aren’t allowed to claim it is “ work,”

SuMo24 · 05/02/2024 21:35

what I tend to do is make sure I am up and dressed between 6-7 and that gives me a bit of time to have a coffee in peace (sometimes this alone makes my day feel mine) tidy round a bit before I get my 2 girls up age 3 and 9. That might be an idea for you to help your morning go smoother if you do this ?

you keep an eye on the older on while helping the little one, I make mine brush their teeth in tandum and brekkie together everything in unison so they are both ready at the same time and usually that means they have plenty of time to watch telly or play for 15-30 mins before the school run.

My partner leaves for work before the kids are up and leaves his toast crumbs virtually daily on the kitchen side for me to wipe up, but what I like to think is in my head. I have all day to get the house straight and do all my other bits and bobs (play dates/hair appointments etc) nice and some boring jobs. When my partner only has a few minutes in the morning and very little time after work to get his stuff done/ have quality time with the children. So I just ignore the crumbs it’s not worth me getting annoyed about when I see me as the lucky one being at home ( I do work 2.5 days a week so suppose that helps me think from the rushed worker side aswell)

Teenagehorrorbag · 05/02/2024 21:50

Lassiata · 05/02/2024 01:40

No, that is fundamentally not what a SAHM is. Being a SAHM does not mean you do all the housework. Shit men have got it made because women believe this. Who gives a shit if a two year old is "not a full time job". (Depends on the two year old.) I parent while my husband is at work. I am a stay at home MOTHER, not a stay at home cook and bottle-washer. When he gets home, he can contribute equally to the household he lives in and to the care of the children he fathered. And because he is not a shitheel, he would not debate this. I do all night wakings (younger son only a year but his brother still woke in the night at two and older, many children do.) I'm on duty 24/7, he sleeps a solid 8-9 hours, why would the work he does outside the home be more important than the care of our child?

Go back to work is everyone's answer, but a man who will shit on you when there's a financial imbalance of power is one who will do it later for some other reason. People act like the man earning the money deserves fucking worship, the woman has to do EVERYTHING else because he is "funding her lifestyle." Bollocks to that. My work facilitates HIS lifestyle where he wants children and wants one of us to care for them. He would probably be a pretty good SAHD actually but he likes his job. So many men act like their wives owe them the earth for "getting to be" a SAHM but they don't even want to take their SPL let alone anything more, and a lot of them secretly know their jobs are easier for them personally than being home with a baby/toddler. Fine if OP wants her 2 year old in childcare (I wouldn't, though it makes people very defensive to say so) but she shouldn't have to do it because her husband thinks her being home means she has to pick up his dirty socks and the trail of debris he leaves from doing basic tasks. What a prick.

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OK not all SAHPs are able to do housework etc because they may have several young DCs, or DCs with additional needs. I accept that it isn't always fundamentally a part of the role.

But one DC at school and one 2 year old would normally allow the SAHP a lot of free time beyond childcare? In which case, surely they would do household tasks during the day so that both parents are putting in similar hours? If that doesn't cover all the jobs then both parents would share what's left over - but it wouldn't be fair to spend your time doing your nails or watching TV and then making the other parent do extra chores when they come home from work.

I'm not talking about shit men demanding the woman does all the work because he pays the bills - and anyway it could work equally well the other way round. But the balance of 'work' should be as fair as possible.

Of course if DH comes home and does nothing, while SAHM runs ragged doing meals and bathtimes etc than it might make sense to have her time off during the day - but all these things should be agreed up front.

MissingMoominMamma · 05/02/2024 21:54

Makeitmakesensetoday · 02/02/2024 09:43

But why are there dishes in bedrooms?? Bizarre.

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Cups.

Don’t you ever take a glass of water to bed, or have a morning cuppa there?

Calliopespa · 05/02/2024 22:01

Teenagehorrorbag · 05/02/2024 21:50

OK not all SAHPs are able to do housework etc because they may have several young DCs, or DCs with additional needs. I accept that it isn't always fundamentally a part of the role.

But one DC at school and one 2 year old would normally allow the SAHP a lot of free time beyond childcare? In which case, surely they would do household tasks during the day so that both parents are putting in similar hours? If that doesn't cover all the jobs then both parents would share what's left over - but it wouldn't be fair to spend your time doing your nails or watching TV and then making the other parent do extra chores when they come home from work.

I'm not talking about shit men demanding the woman does all the work because he pays the bills - and anyway it could work equally well the other way round. But the balance of 'work' should be as fair as possible.

Of course if DH comes home and does nothing, while SAHM runs ragged doing meals and bathtimes etc than it might make sense to have her time off during the day - but all these things should be agreed up front.

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A two year old!!? Have you ever had a two year old?? It’s like a baby only mobile, house wrecking and defiant! This is utter nonsense. Two is almost the height of when you get no spare time whatsoever. I notice your username says teenage and I’m wondering : are you a parent yet? Because this is really a clueless statement. Doing her nails indeed! That’s precisely the sort of derogatory piffle that is really unfair and damaging. Actually are you a male teenager?

Teenagehorrorbag · 05/02/2024 22:12

Calliopespa · 05/02/2024 22:01

A two year old!!? Have you ever had a two year old?? It’s like a baby only mobile, house wrecking and defiant! This is utter nonsense. Two is almost the height of when you get no spare time whatsoever. I notice your username says teenage and I’m wondering : are you a parent yet? Because this is really a clueless statement. Doing her nails indeed! That’s precisely the sort of derogatory piffle that is really unfair and damaging. Actually are you a male teenager?

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I have twins, one of whom has ASD and ADHD and was a very challenging two, three and four year old!! But I did still manage to do the housework around the children, there was time off in between stuff.

I forget when they stopped napping but they did play together, and watched Winnie the Pooh DVDs, and did painting (ish 😀) and playdough etc at the kitchen table. Also I could shut the child gate to keep them in the sitting room while I hoovered etc. Maybe it's easier with two as they can entertain each other - and I was lucky they were both good sleepers - but it was all doable. DH obviously helped when he came in.

Danni1970 · 06/02/2024 00:16

I don't see anything wrong with making the lunch. I do as I have to make mine for work so do his too.

AnonoMisss · 06/02/2024 00:25

MrsToriCostner · 02/02/2024 09:34

Sorry guys, I just really need a rant!

SAHM here, two kids, almost 7, almost 2.

Got up this morning, came down, kitchen a mess from me cooking last night.

Presumed DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night.

I do DHs packed lunch for work and shout up and ask him to bring any glasses/pots from upstairs meanwhile I've told DC1 to get dressed for school numerous times but they are not listening and still in pjs watching tv.

I go upstairs to get ready for the school run and find glasses/pots in DC1 bedroom, DH has taken the flat sheet off our bed and dumped it on the floor and left it there because DC2 leaked in the night apparently. His socks are dumped on the floor too, it's the same every morning, I find myself putting them in the wash basket myself.

DC1 is still not dressed and apparently can't find any socks despite multiple pairs been in the wardrobe.

So I'm shouting loud by now as we are going to be late and I'm taking 2 kids on the school run.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel I could fall out with the world today 🙁

Don't presume or expect him to mind read, agree duties such as if you cook he cleans.

Put the dirty socks on his pillow for him to deal with.

Let him sort his own lunch.

Kids clothes laid out night before.

TV off (confused why it would even be on in the morning with the rushing around needed).

ijustwantwavyhair · 06/02/2024 00:41

I have been a sahm for years until recently, now I work part time a couple of hours a day.

I do all the 'major chores' such as changing bedsheets, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen, dusting, mopping etc.

But I expect the general daily household stuff to be 50/50 when he is at home.

We both pitch in with making food and clearing mess away, washing the pots, getting the kids dressed, rubbish/recycling, putting our own dirty washing in the basket, hanging our own wet towels up, bathing the kids etc...

While I am happy to take on most of the house work and being responsible for running the house, I am nobody's skivvy and I will never pick a man's socks up off the floor.

RhiannonTheRed · 06/02/2024 12:01

None of this can't be solved by having an honest and frank conversation.

Julimia · 06/02/2024 13:08

Lot of sympathy but does all that really matter in the big picture ? Get a grip.

Dayslikethis86 · 06/02/2024 13:27

Hide the dirty socks!

NoThanksymm · 06/02/2024 18:36

WTF.

i don’t care if your a stay at home or homemaker or whatever. You are not a slave! Hubby can do dishes. put sheets in the washer, grab dishes on the way down, AND MAKE HIS OWN LUNCH.

7yo can help with dishes too.

Homegrown11 · 06/02/2024 19:36

My New Year’s resolution this year was “I won’t be begging for laundry” and it only took my children (13 & 15) about 2 weeks to realise I really meant it. In your room? Not getting washed. Behind the door in the bathroom? Not getting washed. On the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE WASHING BASKET? Not getting washed.

If I was you I’d be laying down the same rules with your husband at least! I’d step over those socks until the day I died!

Genericusername3 · 06/02/2024 20:22

This may have already been said as I haven’t read the whole thread, but, it sounds like you’ve actually got 3 kids.

Benrose70 · 07/02/2024 12:10

You sound like your at at low and could do with someone to listen to you, which you have certainly accomplished today, men are such beasts, your put upon by man and kids, get some rules sorted, either they shape up and start helping or your gonna go on strike.

MeadowMouse · 07/02/2024 15:47

Simply Charlotte Mason on YouTube has a video about why reminding your child doesn't work to change their behavior. It makes them reliant on being reminded instead of self motivated. I don't know if this applies, and I haven't tried it myself, but it made a lot of sense.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 07/02/2024 19:54

Calliopespa · 05/02/2024 22:01

A two year old!!? Have you ever had a two year old?? It’s like a baby only mobile, house wrecking and defiant! This is utter nonsense. Two is almost the height of when you get no spare time whatsoever. I notice your username says teenage and I’m wondering : are you a parent yet? Because this is really a clueless statement. Doing her nails indeed! That’s precisely the sort of derogatory piffle that is really unfair and damaging. Actually are you a male teenager?

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I currently have a 2 year old. I can get some housework done, in fact she likes to "help" with some of it. Yours may have been house wrecking and defiant but not all are.