Really Annoyed This Morning ...

[MrsToriCostner]

Sorry guys, I just really need a rant!

SAHM here, two kids, almost 7, almost 2.

Got up this morning, came down, kitchen a mess from me cooking last night.

Presumed DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night.

I do DHs packed lunch for work and shout up and ask him to bring any glasses/pots from upstairs meanwhile I've told DC1 to get dressed for school numerous times but they are not listening and still in pjs watching tv.

I go upstairs to get ready for the school run and find glasses/pots in DC1 bedroom, DH has taken the flat sheet off our bed and dumped it on the floor and left it there because DC2 leaked in the night apparently. His socks are dumped on the floor too, it's the same every morning, I find myself putting them in the wash basket myself.

DC1 is still not dressed and apparently can't find any socks despite multiple pairs been in the wardrobe.

So I'm shouting loud by now as we are going to be late and I'm taking 2 kids on the school run.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel I could fall out with the world today 🙁

I’m a sahm.

What was going in with the dishes? Who usually does them? How did you know know they weren’t done. Normally DH and I alternate, one night one parent baths the kids while the other sorts the kitchen. DH is away this week so I’ve chosen meals which require less cleaning up afterwards.

No TVs in the morning. Do the kids not have a set routine? In our house at 8 all take our dishes to the sink and then go upstairs for teeth brushing and the kids get dressed. Same thing every school morning. You need set routines and timings so everyone knows where they stand and no mental energy is used trying to figure out what’s going on.

I only wash clothes but in the washing basket. My 4 year old knows this. I wouldn’t be picking up after an adult.

I agree no more packed lunch for dh! Have a sit down and chat with him later.

A 7 year old makes their own lucnh?????

'But why are there dishes in bedrooms?? Bizarre.'

There absolutely NOTHING bizarre about it!!

WTF? You don't wash your DPs clothes? Does your DP have a separate bin, separate meals too?

How is this a good solution? Her youngest isnt even 2 it's better shes home, why put your kid in nursery with randoms if you don't have to? Give your head a wobble! OP, remind your DH that you're not his slave!

WTF? You don't wash your DPs clothes? Does your DP have a separate bin, separate meals too?

@Finlesswonder I am not the poster you are responding to but yes, my DH has his own laundry basket in our bedroom, as do DS and I. I would not want my clothes mixed up with their smelly stuff!! I also don’t want to be responsible for making sure his stuff doesn’t shrink, colour run etc.

I do DS and me, DH sorts out his own.

I’m not a SAHM but I don’t think it would be unreasonable for a SAHM to do the same.
I remember my Dad in the mornings shouting at my Mum “Gladys, where are my clean underpants?” And Mum ironing all his shirts. Fuck that.

Meals are entirely different because unlike with laundry eating them as a family is actually a pleasurable thing.

I'd actually be pretty annoyed if my stay at home partner didn't make my lunch along with the kids' lunches.
Assuming I was putting my salary into a joint account I would think it's fair to expect them to work too, even if that did just mean housework etc. (assuming I was working full time).
(I am a woman. I was once the stay at home partner and could completely understand that we both had to pull out weight.)
I kind of get the socks thing though. Not the sheet. I'd have wanted it off the bed as soon as, but I wouldn't have wanted my OH to start the wash as I would never wash a sheet on its own.

In all my working life I never made a packed lunch in the morning. Always done the night before, in the fridge overnight. Obviously the ingredients came out of the fridge and a few minutes later went back into the fridge so no impact on quality. Once the dinner was cleared the lunchboxes lined up on the counter with non perishables already in, just chuck in the sandwiches in the morning

It's the dumping it on the floor that's got my goat. Put it in the washing machine, or in the wash basket. The socks really piss me off daily so it stems from that.

I would have said these were the words to use when speaking to him later, but the last bit gives him an out.

Very much not a SAHP but no, I don’t wash DH’s clothes (not he mine) or make him food more than once a month, maybe? He cooks his, I cook mine and someone cooks for DD.

If you want something to change say it loud and clear, don’t huff and puff about it.

“DH can you please fill the dishwasher before you leave for work”

”DH, socks belong in the wash basket, move them please”

“DH I asked you to bring down the empty glasses please go back upstairs and do it”

and stop making his lunch. If you treat someone like a child, they’ll act like one.

I mean it's just perspective isn't it, he stripped the bed? That's potentially helpful. Had he put it in the wash basket you might not have noticed it/forgotten to stick it in the wash and the pissy sheets would have sat there all day. Yeah okay he could have put it in the machine but given that he's getting ready for work and under more time pressure I can see why he didn't.

Yes it would have been nice if he'd done the kitchen, but did you ask? We have a general agreement one cooks, one cleans up. If the cleaner is too busy/really cba, we communicate that. I'm not trying to be smug, just don't understand why you don't just speak about it.

Wtf to PPs who don't do anything for their partners 😂 separate cooking... Why on earth

In the evening:

• Bring any pots down from rooms upstairs
• Have a fun activity with your DH showing him how to make a packed lunch.
• Lay clothes out for each child so you never have to worry about lost socks again.
• Hide the remotes. No TV until they're dressed and breakfasted. Better yet, no TV at all.

He should have put the flat sheet in the washing machine on his own (not left on the bloody floor, with wee seeping into the carpet!), but I wouldn't have expected him to turn it on unless the machine was full, or the sheets had sick/poo on them. It's a waste of water, energy and money. Do you have a washing basket in your bedroom?

If you want him to wash up, you should ask. It's fine to let things go in the evening sometimes. My DH cooks, and generally I wash up, but sometimes I just leave them. If you need things clean for the next morning then it's worth just mentioning it rather than risking seething in the morning.

I think if a sheet has wee on it, the priority is to get it off the bed so it doesn’t soak through to the mattress, and I wouldn’t want the wee touching other clothes in the washing basket, or potentially getting scrunched up and left there for hours/days.
put in machine ready to go on when a full load ready, maybe, but on floor so not really so bad, all things considered.

Wow OK I must be a minority then. Sometimes I do the laundry, sometimes he does, but we just wash each others stuff. Same with cooking. Otherwise isn't it just like you're housemates who occasionally have sex 😅

Makeitmakesensetoday · Today 09:43
**
But why are there dishes in bedrooms?? Bizarre.”

My husband is disabled. Works full time and knackered by dinner time. We often eat it in bed, watching telly, so he can lay down. It’s great!
Used to eat pizza in bed watching Morse when we first got married 😁

Absolutely! It's a wonder these Home Counties types can understand a word that comes out of our quaint old northern mouths!

Oh dear @MrsToriCostner I can feel your frustration loud and clear

1. stop doing stuff for your husband and stop offering to make his lunch. He's a grownup, he can sort himself out

2. no TV in the mornings. Start tomorrow. Enforce it. If they are ready on time and there is time to spare, they can read or play but no TV before school

3. teach DC1 (how) to get uniform / bag etc ready the night before, it'll keep them in good stead for the future

4. enforce with your husband: whoever makes dinner, the other does the kitchen. On the day and before going to bed so it isn't left until the following day

Have a think about what other changes you want and make it happen. If you want it to change, snap out of it

Honestly, the number of snotty posts about a couple of glasses in bedrooms and the 'northern people', 'up there' using the word 'pots' to mean crockery/glass !
I hadn't realised no one in the south of England ever takes a mug of tea or glass of water into their bedroom. It's clearly a northern vulgarity. I must tell DH and PIL so we stop ever doing that and tell him his Yorkshire dialect is unintelligible to Mnetters south of Watford Gap.

Hey, I wasn’t throwing shade. I’m in the south wales valleys which has its own language that sometimes needs explaining to the uninitiated!

As above, that wasn’t my intention. I had to have DH (Yorkshireman) explain what some things meant to me when I met his family. And he mine.

Depends. I was away Mon-Weds this week and him Thurs-Sat. It’s just easier for us to be responsible for our own +DD so we have what we need when we need it.

I don't understand 'throwing shade'- it isn't an expression in the north-east. We don't throw shades up here. Bizarre!