Really Annoyed This Morning ...

[MrsToriCostner]

Sorry guys, I just really need a rant!

SAHM here, two kids, almost 7, almost 2.

Got up this morning, came down, kitchen a mess from me cooking last night.

Presumed DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night.

I do DHs packed lunch for work and shout up and ask him to bring any glasses/pots from upstairs meanwhile I've told DC1 to get dressed for school numerous times but they are not listening and still in pjs watching tv.

I go upstairs to get ready for the school run and find glasses/pots in DC1 bedroom, DH has taken the flat sheet off our bed and dumped it on the floor and left it there because DC2 leaked in the night apparently. His socks are dumped on the floor too, it's the same every morning, I find myself putting them in the wash basket myself.

DC1 is still not dressed and apparently can't find any socks despite multiple pairs been in the wardrobe.

So I'm shouting loud by now as we are going to be late and I'm taking 2 kids on the school run.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel I could fall out with the world today 🙁

I do pretty much everything. It was the fact he'd took the time to strip the bedsheet but then just dumped it on the floor. I expect him to follow through and put it in the wash and turn the machine on if he's going to start to get involved in changing bedding.

Honestly, assuming your husband works full time, I'd be expecting you to wash the bedsheets and clean the kitchen since you're in the house all day. Probably not a popular opinion
Difference between washing what’s in the basket and what someone decided was to be washed but just dumped on the floor. Same with the kitchen. When I was sahp I used to say to dh, it’s the difference between a waitress clearing a table or having to clear up all around the table because people spilled/poured something all over the place. There’s already stuff to be done, it doesn’t need to be added to and then assumed that only one allocated person needs to do it all!!! (Not ranting at you, sorry!!)

Agree with doing the washing but not picking up bedsheets and socks which were strewn on the floor?! Also it's a recurring theme on here that spouses should not make lunch for their husbands/partners and they should do their own. If you're doing the kids lunches anyways takes an extra 2 mins to do the partners too.

Also, I cooked dinner last night, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to load the dishwasher even if he has been at work all day.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Don’t bother cleaning or tidying the kitchen before the school run. Not clear why this would be necessary unless you literally have no clean crockery for breakfast.
2. lay out each child’s outfit for the next day on a chair in their room. Removes all the “can’t find my socks” nonsense. I do my son’s after he has fallen asleep.
3. enforce a strict rule- no TV unless dressed. (Or better still, no TV at all in the morning). Hide the remotes to enforce.
4. Ignore everything to do with your husband’s personal laundry, including picking up socks.
5. Get your 2 year old in their own bed if they are leaking in the night.
6. Tell your lazy ass husband to make his own lunch! Fair enough that you are responsible for shopping for ingredients, as the SAHP, so you can always get him super easy stuff like sliced cheese and deli meats and ready-split rolls.

Just because a woman is a sahp, it doesn't follow that the rest of the family gets to just dump their shit anywhere, in the assumption that she should clean it up.
It's normal to bring your own glasses to the kitchen or bring down dirty laundry to be washed. Yes, the sahp will naturally end up doing much more housework but they aren't the personal servant of the wohp!
The wohp is already benefitting by knowing the kids are taken care of and having very little that they need to be responsible for in that sense.

I need to tackle this tv situation and get strict on it because it's a daily occurrence and I'm just letting it happen.

To give a different view, I would see your responsibility in the week to clear things up. I think you need a more regimented approach to mornings, get dressed, breakfast, tv as a reward or whatever works for you. Use the pre-school run to quickly clean up the kitchen. I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

In fairness, I did ask him if he wanted me to make the packed lunch, to which he obviously said " yes please "

With love. This morning I got 2 kids on the bus for 7.40, made packed lunches and breakfast, stripped Dds bed and put on a wash, filled the dishwasher and put it on, wiped the surfaces. Then started work.

So, don’t make a grown man a packed lunch, but the rest when you don’t have to work today seems pretty achievable if I’m honest.

I do understand how him being there and being useless is frustrating though!

Edited to add - WTF is the tv doing on in the morning???? HUGE mistake!!

I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

@1AngelicFruitCake i'm not sure what you mean by that?

Sounds like @1AngelicFruitCake is saying everything is your responsibility

In the words of Julia Roberts
”Big mistake. HUGE.”
😀

Regardless of time management though, it's the family's attitude that's the real issue - kids not listening to mum, husband treating her like his personal assistant.
I'm okay with making food for my dh if he's working. It's not a big deal. But it would be if he was taking me for granted or thought that having a job meant taking no responsibility for anything that needs doing in the home.

It's not about me doing everything. It's more to do with the dumping of the sheet, can't bring the glasses down correctly and picking up of the socks that has pissed me off!

Agree about the TV. Needs sorting.

Smug really isn’t a good look.

MrsToriCostner
I wonder if having more time available to you means you don’t use time as efficiently as you could do.

@1AngelicFruitCake i'm not sure what you mean by that?

Sounds like @1AngelicFruitCake is saying everything is your responsibility

@Idontjetwashthefucker she should just spit it out then instead of going around the houses.

Nor is bitchy to stranger on the internet!!

The OP knows it’s achievable , just annoying!

No I’m not saying everything is your responsibility what I mean is if you know you’ve got time each day to gradually get ready then maybe your time isn’t being used as efficiently as it could be. I know when I’m at work I manage to get the children ready and a quick tidy up to be out by half seven but when I take them myself I find it a mad rush to get out of the house for 8:20. It’s weird but I’ve come to the conclusion I need to be stricter with my time on those days because otherwise, like you, I get myself really stressed and I don’t achieve half as much as I could.

Wow you’re rude aren’t you? Wish I’d not bothered to offer advice when I thought you were asking for it?

Try being this direct with your own husband!

No TV in the morning. Ever. Ev-er! Hide the remote the night before. Clean the kitchen the night before, and make it a team effort. Everyone pitches in.

I can’t stress enough the no TV in the morning thing.

If you're sahm isn't this your job?

Oh great, another one thinking EVERYTHING is OP's responsibility.

Have a word tonight about it. Your job is to look after the kids and home while he works, it isn't to do absolutely everything 24/7. When he's home, he ought to contribute to normal activities. You aren't asking him to deep clean the skirting boards before work, only to bring down glasses and put his own laundry in the wash. The latter is basic self care, that all adults have to do. It's just disrespectful to leave it, in the assumption that you will go round the house and mop up after him!

Just hide the remotes.

My DS is allowed a little bit of iPad in the morning but only if he is fully dressed, breakfast eaten and teeth cleaned and we have a bit of time to kill. And the rule is that if he ever complains about turning it off as soon as we need to leave, he will never have it again.