Really Annoyed This Morning ...

[MrsToriCostner]

Sorry guys, I just really need a rant!

SAHM here, two kids, almost 7, almost 2.

Got up this morning, came down, kitchen a mess from me cooking last night.

Presumed DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night.

I do DHs packed lunch for work and shout up and ask him to bring any glasses/pots from upstairs meanwhile I've told DC1 to get dressed for school numerous times but they are not listening and still in pjs watching tv.

I go upstairs to get ready for the school run and find glasses/pots in DC1 bedroom, DH has taken the flat sheet off our bed and dumped it on the floor and left it there because DC2 leaked in the night apparently. His socks are dumped on the floor too, it's the same every morning, I find myself putting them in the wash basket myself.

DC1 is still not dressed and apparently can't find any socks despite multiple pairs been in the wardrobe.

So I'm shouting loud by now as we are going to be late and I'm taking 2 kids on the school run.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel I could fall out with the world today 🙁

No TV in morning! None. Zero. DH makes own lunch. Xx

I wouldn't be picking up after anyone-except sometimes the 2yr old!

Sheet on floor may not bother me if he'd taken it off that morning, not had time to put it in machine but told me this.

Pots left upstairs-not allowed if won't be brought down in time for the next washing up/dishwasher load.

Tv on in the morning-what is this madness?

Am hearing ‘doing the pots’ in a Vera Stanhope voice now.

If you are annoyed though you need to raise it not let it fester. I have to do this now and again when my other half gets a bit lazy. Just because you aren't out at work it doesn't mean all the jobs should fall to you. I have 2 days at home and other half will still clear the kitchen on those days. You are not the hired help.

@Daffodilsandtuplips

It wasn't pretty obvious at all

Pots and pans are for cooking in.

I'm not English so it's not obvious to me that she means crockery and glasses

Other more helpful posters have explained that it is a colloquialism so now I understand that by pots she means something else

But thank you for trying to belittle. Always welcomed

Op, turn the tv off in the mornings
When my dc were young, the only time the tv went on ( during term time) was when they were ill

Can we not keep going on about the damn pots 😮‍💨

First of all stop making your DH lunches. He is a grown man let him make his own. I never make DHS lunches. The most I will do is remind him we have leftovers in a lunch box for him if he wants a hot meal at work.

He should also be helping tidying up after dinner. Allocate jobs as in his job is fill the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen if you made the dinner or vice versa.

I have strict house rules on school days which include no TV before school unless the kids have had breakfast, got dressed, brushed there teeth, made there bed and tidied the bedroom. They have to be fully school ready with socks etc on before the TV is allowed on.

After school rules include bags away, lunch boxes out, jumpers and dirty PE kit etc out and shoes away. The 7 year old also gets his own morning snack and puts it in his bag for the next day at school. He has a hot meal at school so no lunch box is required. Once they have had snack after school they are expected to tidy there own mess away. The kids are 11, 7 and 4. The 4 year old obviously needs more help than the older ones but still puts his own shoes away, papers in the bin etc.

I tend to get school uniforms out myself the night before to make sure everything is there.

There are 5 of us live in the house and I expect 5 of us to tidy up our own mess and get dressed etc within capabilities of age. I will clean the house as I work very part time but my 11 year old hoovers and dusts his own room. The younger ones tidy up there own toys. I am not and will not be a burnt out slave whilst my DH and kids put there feet up dropping things at there bum. I started doing alto much a couple of years and the more I did, that more I was expected to do and the less what I did was appreciated or respected. I do far less now and everyone appreciates what I do much more because they have realised it's hard work.

Ha ha we are, aren't we?

Agree with others here - when raising mine (and when I childminded before school) there was no AM tv unless they were dressed, fed, teeth brushed and bags ready by the door. 10mins of telly was a reward for being ready and usually it was something I had recorded so there would be no tantrums if it hadn’t finished by the time we needed to leave.

However, I would say that a 6 year old really does still need overseeing, as well. They can dress themselves but they need directing, and tooth brushing should still be monitored, so I wonder whether your expectations are too high? But you could support her in much of this by making sure with her that everything is laid out ready when they go to bed (clothes, undies, school bag etc)?

Re hubs - I would simply not let it fester and tell him that you need him to pick after himself as he is not a child - and, helpful though he was trying to be by stripping the bed, in future can he pop the sheets straight in the machine and set if off please?

I work, we have a child AND I regularly make DHs lunch before work. I'm making mine and I do his too. Sometimes I pick up his socks too. He has to leave the house quite early and I do things so he can sleep a little longer and see DD before he leaves.

He doesn't take me for granted. While I'm doing that he's doing something else. On slower days he makes us really nice lunches. On my days off he deals with all sorts so I can sleep. Its called a partnership. And love.

My great grandmother once (around 1940) rejected a stranger's request for a drink of water with the words 'Pots ur upsteers!'

She was old and unable to climb the stairs, and dodgy people shouldn't come to the door asking for random drinks.

Well done, Elizabeth Alice. We're still talking about it.

I don't see it like that at all though. I admit I am a naturally messy person. I don't mind that - I deal with the mess when I get time (every couple of days do a big tidy) rather than keeping on top of it. Maybe her husband is the same, and he's happy for the socks to lie on the floor until he moves them. DH works shifts - if he has a few days off he'll do some housework. If we're both working solid but I have a WFH day the next day, I'll tell him to leave the kitchen and I'll sort it on my break, for example. It's nothing to do with treating her like a skivvy, it's about living busy lives and using the resources you have in the best way. If he's rushing out to work but she's home all day, I don't see why putting a sheet in the washing machine is a big deal. I'd say the same if the woman was working and man was at home, or in a same-sex couple. They're a partnership

My first thought was why the fuck are you making your husband's lunch?

Stop making your husband's lunch. This isn't 1958. At the moment, I'm a sahm to our 3.5 and 1 year olds. I do not make my husbands lunch because he's a grown man and can do it himself.
Second of all, being a sahm doesn't mean your husband can check out of parenting / housework. Yes I do most housework cause I'm at home, I meal plan, cook dinner. But parenting when DH is home, mornings or evening and weekends is ALWAYS 50/50. Housework is shared too when he's home. Your husband needs to pull his finger out. You're meant to be a team.

Nip it in the bud now.
Or in a few years time, it'll be worse, you'll be tearing your hair out, and they'll look at you dumbfounded, because ....whys mums overreacting so much?

I'm sorry, and it doesn't get better when you return to work.

My OH is a bit like that, we are both used to it. Well, I got used to it. However, OH does have some good points and we make a relatively good team

Because it’s a nice thing to do? 😂

Stop making your husbands lunch. You’re not his maid.

Dont let kids watch TV in the morning. It slows everything down.

I have a slightly different view on this. I think, in theory, making the packed lunch is fine. Ditto, if you're the SAHM and he noticed the sheet was wet so quickly stripped it and left it, I don't see that as a huge issue. Random socks on the floor - rude and irritating, but not a dealbreaker.

But I think where the real issue has come in that your entire morning started badly because you came downstairs to a filthy kitchen that required you to tidy it before you could get on with the morning chores of lunches and breakfasts and all the rest of it.

I don't know what "I assumed" he would do it means - is it an agreed task that he is supposed to do, or do you just have low level resentment so you think he should do it or whatever? Either way, I think THAT should be dealt with and between you, a system agreed re end-of-day kitchen cleaning. Because whoever does it the night before, it's 100% necessary if the next day is going to start right. And yes, as a SAHM, that does not mean it HAS to be you - he's home from work, he can absolutely take a turn at tidying and cleaning up the kitchen.

The husband works, say, 9-6. The OP also works 9-6 looking after her 2 year old. Harder than any office job in my experience! She might have time, when 2 year old is napping, to catch up on housework but also needs a break herself. Presumably husband gets a lunch break.
So when he's back home, it is only fair to split any childcare/chores. If anything the husband should take on more, although I'm assuming he has a sit down office job, which could stressful depending, but it's a very different kind of stress.
A few assumptions on my part but I certainly don't think Important Man Job takes precedence over looking after a developing human being.

I'm a sahm and honestly I think this is all out of proportion. Actually more than.

So a child leaked at night and a parent stripped the sheet off the bed. Why is this wrong?

Socks on floor oh for goodness sake if you left them surely he'll just move them after work? Honestly bigger things to be upset about. I bet your husband doesn't expect you to put them in the washing basket for him.

Making his lunch? You offered, it's nice what is the problem? He hasn't demanded has he?

You don't mention how long your older child is in school for (where I am my 7 year old finishes school 11:20 most days of the week) or if your 2 year old goes to a nursery, childminder or daycare. All big factors in this.

But honestly you are making a big deal of a sheet you need to wash anyway being on the floor instead of in a basket, a pair of socks and a packed lunch? This is assuming your husband brings in all the money and works full time. I'm in your shoes and think you are unreasonable.

As for TV in the morning it is obvious this is a huge nono if you want to get to school on time.

Expecting him to do the dishwasher, I mean have you ever asked/told him to do it and he hasn't? People can't mind read if you'd told him would he have done it?

Your husband sounds like a decent man it's unfair the way people are slating him

100% agree