To feel annoyed that those on UC have more disposable income

[nappyvalley2024]

Myself and DH both work full time and have one child in nursery that we are paying for. We have a household income of just under £100k. After taxes, mortgage, student loan, NI, pension deductions and bills we are not actually left with a huge amount of disposable income. We are in the south east.

Brother in law and his partner have just had their first baby and announced that SIL will not be returning to work for at least 3 years. BIL earns roughly £30k and they live in social housing (lucky them). They will get around £900 a month in UC + no childcare bill.

So whilst we are running around like headless chickens trying to keep on top of things and juggle professional jobs, house renovations and parenting. My SIL will have the pleasure of sitting at home with no stress enjoying her baby. (SIL is known to be very lazy and also took the whole of her pregnancy off sick due to anxiety.)

At this point I just feel so deflated, and am wondering what the point is of working hard and being self sufficient. Funny thing is in laws think we are the lucky ones, when I don't actually think we are here. The system needs to change as there is no incentive to work.

It's stupid and pointless to compare yourself to other people. You dont actually want their lives. You just want one small aspect of it in addition to your own.

Or are you really saying you would like to be married to your BIL, with his £30k job, non-homeowning, no pension, no financial security or independence?

Thanks this really helped

We were always told at the end of it you will own your own home and then along came RTB,

Waa,waa,waa! Grow up OP and take some agency. Maybe take a moment to reflect on what actually makes you happy in life (not money!) and do more of that and less of the other. Try some self improvement rather that house improvement.

£1987 after tax
Subtract £1000 rent
subtract £45 ctax
and UtilitIes & Travel
Then your food
Dare your children want to go beyond the free playground.
thats zero left each month.

It's definitely a low income. Do the actual math

In the very short term, perhaps they do have more disposable income. But child care costs are temporary. Longer term you are of course in a much better position. With time, you’ll own your own home with no mortgage to pay, they’ll still be paying rent. You will have more savings and be in a position to help fund your children through university. Your combined earning capacity sounds much higher than theirs. You’ll also have decent pension pots.

I feel sad for you, you come across a really unhappy and jealous . Wanting others to not have what they have.

I hope you can find some peace and joy in your life. As your bitter attitude is only going to harm you.

@VanilleA it's not technically "low income" but it's below average. The median annual salary in the UK is £34k. The region with the lowest median salary is the north-east and even here it's £31k so whichever way you cut it, it's somewhat or slightly below average.

It’s definitely not low income where I live.

She hasn't made a choice to be a SAHP. She seems to have a disability that stops her working.

Oh it’s a funny one 🤣

Juggling:
Full time job x2. + working in evenings
Social commitments do less
Appointments
Workmen/quotes - people constantly coming in and out the house. why are the well off people bleating about juggling on here ALWAYS doing extensive renovations? Maybe just… don’t?
Child's play dates and weekend activities do less
Washing yeah, come back and tell me your £100K household doesn’t have a washing machine and tumble dryer and then my heart will bleed for you
Cleaning
Food shopping you can literally replace almost the entire time of that with meal planing cycles and deliveries. I’ll let you keep “putting things in cupboards” in the busy-busy life list though
Keeping on top of life admin - friends and relatives birthdays, baby showers, weddings etc. do less. Plus - sending your Nan a birthday card once a year isn’t a big deal
bedtime routine

What a load of nonsense!

So your SIL struggled so much with her mental health that she couldn’t work for 9 months and you think she’s just lazy, aren’t you lovely. Also they won’t have more disposable income if their rent is £1000 and they will receive £900 UC. They will do worse financially in the long term, you will always be quite unpleasant suggesting that your SILs serious mental health issues are lazy and convenient and a lie basically.

I find it hard to believe they will get much UC on 30k? I earn less than that have 3 kids and don’t get anything like £900 a month uc!

perhaps if you have bugger all aspirations own your own family home

So your elderly dm owns her own property and you think it’s a terrible burden.

Do you own our own home? if not, do you aspire to own one or do you too see it as a terrible burden and have no desire to? @Jollyoldfruit

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I had the pleasure of sitting at home with no stress when my twins were born. They didn't go to nursery until they were two.

I think if anyone had dared say to my face how I was finding "sitting at home with no stress" at the time, they would most likely have been twanged round the head with a frying pan.

DH is high earner. I don't need to work, but choose to, part time to get the right balance of time at home with our too many children and my own sanity.

Sitting at home, for a few weeks, max, is lovely. Sitting at home a couple of days a week, is lovely. Sitting at home, every day, for three years, with a baby/toddler, is not. You need money to get out and do things. They don't have that.

I love this picture!!

he’s on £30k and lives in london 😬

There is no chance in hell they’re getting £900 a month in universal credits unless one of them is severely disabled. You might want to check your earning cap limits for benefits too. So fucking sick of the lies that are spread, OP is just another idiot trying to benefit bash. 10 mins googling would tell anyone what they needed to know.

This is MN OP. If you work, don’t claim benefits and have one pound in savings, you are, rich and privileged. You must never complain about those who entitle themselves to other people’s money, have children they cannot afford and make, and generally take more than they will give back in the pot.

Thats why this country is won such a mess. Spending borrowed and printed trillions while millions of economically inactive people are paid to live for free.

You must be really bad with money to be on nearly £100k and not have any disposable income. I have two kids, a mortgage and live in the SE comfortably on much less.

Not enough net contributors and too many net takers. The tax burden is already as high as it's ever been so it's likely that something has to change on the other side of the equation, whether we like it or not - that's just maths.

@MrsMurphyIWish I’m genuinely sorry your had a tough childhood, I’m genuinely in awe you have done so well. But this family have a combined income of £41000. I am a single parent to a now adult son and the most I ever earned was £21000, and that was about 3 years ago.

So you're jealous.
Why not just say so at the beginning. If you think two parents working full time with one child in nursery is stressful you need to give your head a wobble. This is probably the easiest part.
I do work full time but am giving up soon to care for my autistic son who has high needs. Probably will be entitled to UC so will claim. Obviously according to you I shouldn't have had him as I can't afford to.
Your judgement and jealousy is really sad.
Stop renovating your house so you have less stress move somewhere more affordable or if being at home is so easy, give up work.

Even today, you have more choices than they do. OP, you must develop more confidence that your strategy for your family is a sound one. It will pay dividends, and if you are paying childcare at the moment, know that it’s the toughest phase.

Personally I would do essential renovations only whilst you have childcare to pay, and try to trim some non-essential social commitments in order to give yourself more time. Focus on you, SIL’s life doesn’t sound very good TBH - sitting at home anxious with so little control of her future.

This