To feel annoyed that those on UC have more disposable income

[nappyvalley2024]

Myself and DH both work full time and have one child in nursery that we are paying for. We have a household income of just under £100k. After taxes, mortgage, student loan, NI, pension deductions and bills we are not actually left with a huge amount of disposable income. We are in the south east.

Brother in law and his partner have just had their first baby and announced that SIL will not be returning to work for at least 3 years. BIL earns roughly £30k and they live in social housing (lucky them). They will get around £900 a month in UC + no childcare bill.

So whilst we are running around like headless chickens trying to keep on top of things and juggle professional jobs, house renovations and parenting. My SIL will have the pleasure of sitting at home with no stress enjoying her baby. (SIL is known to be very lazy and also took the whole of her pregnancy off sick due to anxiety.)

At this point I just feel so deflated, and am wondering what the point is of working hard and being self sufficient. Funny thing is in laws think we are the lucky ones, when I don't actually think we are here. The system needs to change as there is no incentive to work.

Social commitments are 100% something you chose to do. Not saying you shouldn't - socialising is nice. But the money and time you spend on that IS discretionary.

Reading your list, I wonder if you would benefit from reducing a few activities until your renovations are over, or DC is older. Children don't need that many play dates. You don't need to attend every social event; many people are scaling back after the pandemic. Try to scale back for a bit.

It's quite usual to feel completely overwhelmed at the stage you are in, but it will get better and then you will glad you have your career, pension and your own house.

Your SIL is putting herself in a very precarious position.

I wouldn't ever want to claim benefits unless I had no other choice. You are vulnerable to the whims (and budget) of the government. And I say that as someone sufficiently disabled that I probably could justify giving up work and claiming benefits.

Work also gives me the ability not to depend on man, and career progression which means I won't be stuck with the same budget forever.

Genuine questions - why is choosing to look after your own pre-school age children always seen as such a negative thing on Mumsnet? Why isn't caring for babies and infants seen as of any value to society at all, especially on here?

This pic literally represents you
They are just making Lemonade out of lemons. You're looking at the wrong thing. It's you who is unhappy, and you're unhappy that they are happy with the little that they have and you have so much and are still unhappy. That's actually the sad part here.

My god how can anyone begrudge someone in social housing. All calculations of what people get on UC are available so this wild idea that its so much disposable income is incredibly ignorant.

You own your own property which means your children have inheritance.

You have a larger pension.

You have control over where you live, which nursery and schools your children go to.

AITA ....Yes you 1000% are.

Work also gives me the ability not to depend on man.

This-in itself- is priceless, when so many people are out of work.

It's never too late! People with mortgages find themselves having to claim benefits - I'm one of them. Go on, give up your jobs. Think of all that extra money you'll have flowing in! You could get even more renovations done!

30k is low if its the sole income. Especially in the South east

This.

Right - so therefore you are much better off than someone on benefits, who doesn't have a mortgage or equity in a house.

Honestly, your complaint is ridiculous.

Sell your house, give all the money to charity, and then go on benefits - then you would be equal.

People on uc don't have lots of disposable income. You sound bitter and uneducated.

Part of my job role involves helping people apply for and manage UC. If you think claiming benefits is easy you should come and spend a day with me. I genuinely worry for the safety of some of the customers I deal with; they’re hungry and scared.

If you think you'd have a better life on benefits then there is nothing stopping you doing it.

You can sell your house, give away the money and give up your current lifestyle.

You're not doing that, so there must be something better about your current life.

Awful attitude.

I had postnatal anxiety and was suicidal for months

“Social housing (lucky them”)

Really???

You have the satisfaction that working brings, a sense of competence, having control over where you live, choice about socialising, kids activities etc, the security of owning your own home, a decent pension, the opportunity to go on holiday, you’re steering your own ship. You don’t have the stigma of relying on state support - there shouldn’t be a stigma of course but people do judge, as obviously shown on this thread.

Has it occurred to you that she has more disposable income because she can’t make choices about renovating her home, committing to social events etc, because life on benefits doesn’t accommodate that.

Everyone seems bitter at everyone..

If your a high earner your seen as so privelidged you can't complain in life or ever know pain and heaven forbid trauma happens just buy therapy and be cured.

If your on benefits your obviously lazy and a scrounger and deserve to suffer the highest level of poverty.

All so extreme..

Im kinda gathering income poor or rich is irrelevant and its more that people want to see people rich or poor having a crap life, struggling either mentally or financially so they can puff out their chest and relish in anothers misery to pat themselves on the back and think i am better than you..

Think about the long game, you'll have more assets, when your SIL is forced to return to work to continue to be able to claim UC her job options will likely be more limited. It's also a myth that people claiming are swimming in excess money; your standard of living is higher you could have far more disposable income than them if you cut back.

Where are you going on holiday this year ?

1. being a sahp shouldn't be a choice if the state is supporting you.

Its delayed gratification. In a few years time you wont have nursery fees, a few years beyond that you will have paid your mortgage down and beyond that you will have a pension. You will also both build your career. It is tough whilst you are starting out and those nursery fees are killer.

The part everyone seems to be missing is how does the OP know how much disposable income these people will have? I have a fuckload of debt - my friends/family don’t know how much my loan payments are. They eat a huge chunk of my income. I bet everyone thinks I’ve got tons of disposable income.

In 5 years time you will be quids in, yes you are squeezed at present but it’s temporary. SIL has no long term prospects and will be in a worse position in years to come. Plus, as most are saying there are some ‘choices’ you have made/could make to adjust. Smaller house/lease cars? Fancy internet or memberships? Tv subscriptions? Obviously I don’t know exactly your bills but it’s good to examine if all our outgoings are essential from time to time.

I get that you're frazzled and frustrated. People here will leap down my throat for saying this, but given average full time salary in London is just over £44k, so you're only slightly above the average household income for two people in that part of the country, and you're in the toughest part of life when you're juggling ridiculous childcare costs as well as a probably relatively recently-acquired mortgage (time, and inflation, eat away at the relative costs of mortgages).

Frustrating as it must be, you have pensions, you are building equity in a property and I also suspect that you wouldn't enjoy being as directionless and dependent as your SIL, if you really stop and think about it. You have the prospect of advancement in your careers and earnings, which is something you have agency over, in a way people on benefits don't have. The grass isn't always greener but I know it feels that way when your own patch of lawn is threadbare. Once the childcare years are over things will feel much less stretched.