To feel annoyed that those on UC have more disposable income

[nappyvalley2024]

Myself and DH both work full time and have one child in nursery that we are paying for. We have a household income of just under £100k. After taxes, mortgage, student loan, NI, pension deductions and bills we are not actually left with a huge amount of disposable income. We are in the south east.

Brother in law and his partner have just had their first baby and announced that SIL will not be returning to work for at least 3 years. BIL earns roughly £30k and they live in social housing (lucky them). They will get around £900 a month in UC + no childcare bill.

So whilst we are running around like headless chickens trying to keep on top of things and juggle professional jobs, house renovations and parenting. My SIL will have the pleasure of sitting at home with no stress enjoying her baby. (SIL is known to be very lazy and also took the whole of her pregnancy off sick due to anxiety.)

At this point I just feel so deflated, and am wondering what the point is of working hard and being self sufficient. Funny thing is in laws think we are the lucky ones, when I don't actually think we are here. The system needs to change as there is no incentive to work.

30K before tax and NI is not a large income for London

£30k goes far in other parts of the UK. We manage okay on this plus UC.

Our joint income is around 45k, my DH earns a lot less than 30k and I only work four days a week. We don't claim any benefits except child benefit but have maximised our disposable income by living in a cheap area and never overstretching ourselves. We are not rolling in it but from struggling.

I don't know whether or not we have more disposable income on benefits or not and I don't want to know. One day we will own our own home and have a workplace pension which we will be glad we worked for, I wouldn't want to be old and not have these things.

Also three years is not a long time if planning to return to work after then.

Why do they need pensions? Won’t they get benefits in old age?

You're in the hard bit now with childcare, but you'll come through that and things will get easier. You have more choices, more options, more things to fall back on. You'll have a pension, house equity, 2 jobs so more financially secure than a one income family
SIL on the other hand has a lot less financial security if anything goes wrong. I know what Id prefer and its not being on benefits even if that came with social housing.

SIL has
No job
Low income partner
No or very little pension
Only one income
No equity to use to fund care or pass on to DC
No income to support DC at uni

You're focusing on how things are right now and ignoring the much brighter future you have ahead of you.

It's not nice to be home all day with kids, it turns into Groundhog Day. I love my kids but work is my sanity, if I didn't work part time I think I would crack up.
Anxiety can be crippling like all MH, just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean it's not there.
I'm not sure what you would rather want to happen to her instead? Would you rather they struggle, not have enough money to feed baby etc?
The system is in place to help less fortunate people like yourself.

In the very short term they have more disposable income. Like, 3 years. Then when your childcare bill goes down, promotions happen, your house value increases, you and dh will be much more affluent than them. Plus you and he will have nice healthy pensions for a lovely retirement

Are you using tax free childcare and claiming the funded hours?

You know how your sister in law lives has absolutely no impact whatsoever on how you choose to live. Unless you let it of course.

If she got a job tomorrow, how would your life change exactly?

so mind your own business, count your own blessings and i expect you’ll feel a lot better.

all of that is in addition to all the other things everyone else has said about your frankly nasty benefit bashing attitude.

We have UC. We're trapped, really. We can't afford to buy (although have the right to buy our council house) and can't save the deposit, even over a period of years, to do so because we would no longer be eligible for UC. Ironically, once we put a deposit down on the house, we would be eligible again. But we can't afford to be without UC between saving £16,000 and the amount we would need to buy.

I can't believe they're entitled to that much UC. When I had DD, 12 years ago and DP was warning 20-30k we were entitled to nothing and I specifically remember them saying they expected him to support us if I didn't want to work. I thought it was harder now, not easier.

It's the childcare that's the killer. We have a family income of the same and save well but if we had childcare bills still, they could easily swallow all savings and I wouldn't be able to have my nice car.

I suppose the difference is that it will get easier for you and you will have a lot to show for your hard work in the future.

It's not a nice thing to say and we should be glad of the welfare system but I remember sobbing my heart out when I had to go back to work as we had no other option and then scrimping by because of childcare while my best friend who did not work was able to have four kids while I desperately wanted more but couldn't afford. There was no reason for her not to work (apart from 4 kids in the end) but she never worked and never wanted to. Whatever way we look at it, this will be a problem in the future and people should contribute to society - work is the easiest way to do this.

Minus 1 FT job (which will actually be replaced by looking after a baby full time) and workmen quotes, won’t your in-laws have all these other tasks too?

Much of which can be trimmed if you’re overwhelmed.

Excellent post. The OP will ignore it.

It makes sense to depend on the state if you think about it just for the reason alone that you have your housing catered for, no fretting about paying off a mortgage for years to come. No need to worry about equity 🤷🏻

UC is a trap I agree. No one is allowed to better themselves to be free of reliance on the state because of the rules. Not allowed to save. Government are just shooting themselves in the foot with this rule.

Try being an immigrant, high tax payer and net contributor, and having to read all the current Tory rhetoric about immigrants draining the country and burdening the NHS.

I have no envy however. Self-sufficiency is a reward in itself, and I have zero desire to sit at home with "no stress". And I don't think life on benefits is as much fun as you do. I am definitely one of the lucky ones.

This post has to be a wind up OP!

I would love for you to swap places with your BIL and SIL and then come back and tell us how much you still envy them.

You really do need to sit down and evaluate why you don't have much left of 100k. And figure out what you could change.

Also be grateful you will most likely be ok in the future with your pensions and your mortgaged house. 'Lucky' SIL and BIL have a high chance of being stuck in social housing

@nappyvalley2024

You to fo List sounds like normal life are you sure you don’t have anxiety if you’re finding it stressful?

Also apart working working x2 because your SIL list would be the same apart from working x1 she won’t be having renovation stress, she will have full time childcare which is mainly on her due to being alone with child all day. I’m sure she doesn’t clock off at 5 to relax and be lazy, anxiety or not.

The OP said he’s SIL suffers anxiety, but hasn’t said if the UC includes any disability benefits. This is usually the problem with these threads. There’s usually pertinent information missing.

Even so, because her husband is working, her household would be considered ‘disabled working’ , so they don’t get full support. In fact, they’d get no support as income over £430 (from work and UC) get nil. Much has changed as councils try to balance the books.

This is temporary op, hang in there.

You're probably right, at the moment, your in laws will have

Pros - more disposable income than you

But you have...

Pros - money in to pensions, security, choice, career progression.

Those things are far more valuable long term.

But you have so much! Your own house, professional jobs, pensions, a large income and you can afford house renovations so you must have pretty decent disposable income - more than those on UC have. Your relatives have a much lower income, rent and your SIL has mental health problems.

I'm on UC and get PIP and DLA for my DC. I have a serious mental illness that stops me working and also mobility issues, my DC both have ASD. Would you like to swap if being on benefits is so great? I'd swap with you in a heartbeat!

Aren't you more fucked off about the Michelle Mone's of this world OP?

You might think your SIL is having an amazing time parenting full time with anxiety, but she isn't lounging on a fucking yacht paid for by the taxpayers is she?

There's something really quite distasteful about wanting benefits to be stripped even further so others can feel superior. Don't you think it's great that we live in a country which supports a mum with MH issues?

Agree with this.

Me and DH have 1 DC - we are in the north west but have a joint income of around £50,000. We have a mortgage.

We have enough disposable income to be able to afford a holiday abroad this year and can afford days out, meals etc. we also have good pensions. I am currently off sick on full pay after an operation.

I wouldn't begrudge your in-laws or anyone else on UC - they are on the whim of the government.

If you think their life is so great perhaps you should model your life on theirs?!

We get roughly this. I am a part time student and DH works full time. It sounds about right.

The thing is, the mortgage repayments are a huge burden but in a sense they will come back to you as you will fully own your own house once its all paid. It is buying you an asset not wasted money. I work full time and had to rent for years watching all my money disappear and knowing my landlord could raise the rent any time he wanted. Your relatives in a council house are really luck in the sense that they are more protected from rent increases but the rent they are paying isn't creating an asset for them like your mortgage. Ideally more people that couldn't buy would be in their position (rather than the private rent trap).

If I was feeling sorry for anyone I would feel sorry for me not you because I finally managed to save enough to buy a tiny run down flat. But in doing so I can't afford to spend money on days out/play dates in interesting places/friends weddings, even small things like coffees etc (I have had to skip things I really wanted to go to. It sucks). Some of the stuff you list as necessary expenditure... isn't. My mortgage is still huge but at least its paying back something I will own rather than going straight to my landlords ski holidays. But lots of people are in a much worse position.

I don't think further decimating social housing will help. We do need to build more houses.