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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed that those on UC have more disposable income

461 replies

nappyvalley2024 · 02/02/2024 06:07

Myself and DH both work full time and have one child in nursery that we are paying for. We have a household income of just under £100k. After taxes, mortgage, student loan, NI, pension deductions and bills we are not actually left with a huge amount of disposable income. We are in the south east.

Brother in law and his partner have just had their first baby and announced that SIL will not be returning to work for at least 3 years. BIL earns roughly £30k and they live in social housing (lucky them). They will get around £900 a month in UC + no childcare bill.

So whilst we are running around like headless chickens trying to keep on top of things and juggle professional jobs, house renovations and parenting. My SIL will have the pleasure of sitting at home with no stress enjoying her baby. (SIL is known to be very lazy and also took the whole of her pregnancy off sick due to anxiety.)

At this point I just feel so deflated, and am wondering what the point is of working hard and being self sufficient. Funny thing is in laws think we are the lucky ones, when I don't actually think we are here. The system needs to change as there is no incentive to work.

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 02/02/2024 06:09

You have your own house, you have pensions, you have security - your SIL doesn't have any of this

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:09

how much do they pay for their social housing?

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:10

your SIL would be screwed if it all went tits up

and i suspect they don’t have a penny between them in the pensions or savings

zoom1982 · 02/02/2024 06:11

Brave,OP,very brave. I hope you're not of a sensitive disposition because you're going to get flamed. Good luck

Summerhillsquare · 02/02/2024 06:11

Well, go on then, give up your job and "go on benefits", and report back in a few years. As they say, fuck around and find out.

BigDogEnergy · 02/02/2024 06:13

You (and likely subsequently your children) have hard earned privileges and security that they and their children will likely never have.

Icedlatteplease · 02/02/2024 06:13

How on £100k do you not have disposable income?

I can help thinking you did not bear in mind your disposable income when you bought your house. If so that is a choice you made.

A choice.

You need to recognise how lucky you are to have that choice.

Your SIL did not choose to have anxiety and its about time we value those that take care of others.

VanilleA · 02/02/2024 06:13

My SIL will have the pleasure of sitting at home with no stress enjoying her baby. (SIL is known to be very lazy and also took the whole of her pregnancy off sick due to anxiety.)

Looking after a child fulltime for 3 years sounds pretty stressful to me. I hope she takes her free 15 hours childcare or whatever she is eligible for at the time.

Anxiety isn't "lazy"

Just stop comparing yourself and you'll be much happier in life.

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:14

zoom1982 · 02/02/2024 06:11

Brave,OP,very brave. I hope you're not of a sensitive disposition because you're going to get flamed. Good luck

huh? because all we’re doing is pointing out that if OP’s marriage goes tits up…. she has a career, equity in a property, pension etc

whereas her in laws…. screwed. No equity, low income,

Original poster
nappyvalley2024 · 02/02/2024 06:14

Summerhillsquare · 02/02/2024 06:11

Well, go on then, give up your job and "go on benefits", and report back in a few years. As they say, fuck around and find out.

It's a bit late now after we have a mortgage, even if we sold we wouldn't be eligible to claim would we.

OP posts:
VanilleA · 02/02/2024 06:15

And try downsizing if you can't afford your mortgage. Loads of people have had to sell up.

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:15

how many threads have we all see started by very vulnerable screwed women in same position as your sil

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:15

no job
no property
no career
low income partner

MiddleParking · 02/02/2024 06:16

How and why are you doing house renovations if you haven’t got much disposable income?

VanilleA · 02/02/2024 06:16

nappyvalley2024 · 02/02/2024 06:14

It's a bit late now after we have a mortgage, even if we sold we wouldn't be eligible to claim would we.

Show quote history

It's very hard to get a mortgage these days. Maybe reflect on your privilege

Missgemini · 02/02/2024 06:16

This won’t go down well here! You mentioning 100k basically means you’re a millionaire, as far as some people on mumsnet are concerned!

To answer your question though, you’re in the tough part where you have to pay nursery fees. Nursery fees will end one day, and you’ll pay off the mortgage and be free in the future. I suspect your SIL does not have home ownership or a pension. You’re comparing completely different things here.
Focus on the good things in your own life instead of envying someone on benefits (no offence to those on benefits).

VanilleA · 02/02/2024 06:16

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:15

no job
no property
no career
low income partner

£30K isn't low income

lalalala2 · 02/02/2024 06:17

I bet your SIL and family have no savings. And social housing isn't as cheap as it used to be

I have a HA property, our rent goes up to £207 per week in April. That's not social housing rates really is it?

People make different choices in life.

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:17

VanilleA · 02/02/2024 06:16

£30K isn't low income

Show quote history

it is when supporting dependents

HettySunshine · 02/02/2024 06:17

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Original poster
nappyvalley2024 · 02/02/2024 06:17

VanilleA · 02/02/2024 06:15

And try downsizing if you can't afford your mortgage. Loads of people have had to sell up.

We don't have a huge mortgage actually.

OP posts:
Veryinteresting24 · 02/02/2024 06:18

Well that’s a daft comparison. They’ve got nowhere near what you have. Plus surely it was your choice to get a mortgage and do house renovations. You don’t have to do that. You could have bought a smaller/newer house. You sound very privileged and that’s why people think you are doing well.

Jollyoldfruit · 02/02/2024 06:19

shewasrooting · 02/02/2024 06:14

huh? because all we’re doing is pointing out that if OP’s marriage goes tits up…. she has a career, equity in a property, pension etc

whereas her in laws…. screwed. No equity, low income,

Show quote history

Her in laws have social housing.
Thats like Willy Wonka’s golden ticket!
My elderly dm has her own home, it’s a millstone round her neck. You don’t need equity when the state take care of you.

Summerhillsquare · 02/02/2024 06:19

nappyvalley2024 · 02/02/2024 06:14

It's a bit late now after we have a mortgage, even if we sold we wouldn't be eligible to claim would we.

Show quote history

Da-dah! You pays your money and you takes yer choice, as my granddad used to say. Why blame them/government /society for your choices?

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 02/02/2024 06:19

PickledPurplePickle · 02/02/2024 06:09

You have your own house, you have pensions, you have security - your SIL doesn't have any of this

All this.
Let's face it BIL's 30k is not going to go far supporting three people hence the UC.
I think if you really thought about it you wouldn't want their life.
Maybe you feel it's unfair as you think sil is lazy and it looks like it's all being handed to them on a plate.
I also wonder if you feel it's unfair as sil gets to be a sahm when you couldn't.
I'd rather be in your position.