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AIBU?

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Original poster

For letting 18 year old son lay on my lap

243 replies

Katemax82 · 01/02/2024 07:26

Last night I was on the sofa with my 5 year old ds, he was tired and was dozing off. My 18 year old ds was the other side of me and put a blanket under his head and laid it on my lap (he wasn't feeling well for context). He husband walked in and said "your too old for that" to my ds. He claims its "fucking weird" for an 18 year old to lay his head on his mums lap. He is autistic and felt ill. Is he right?

OP posts:
Ginandjuice57884 · 02/02/2024 16:41

Is your husband homophobic and/or misogynistic? Because that's where my head goes. Being a "mummy's boy" or being cuddly/affectionate is often seen as effeminate, possibly gay, and therefore "bad" in some way. Although maybe your husband has his own unique reasons for his weird opinion.

WellWillWoll · 02/02/2024 18:37

This is lovely OP. You've obviously done a great job raising him 😊

My 20 year old DS loves a hug and is often the one to initiate it. Both my DC are very huggy and I bloody love it!

LouHey · 03/02/2024 07:11

Nothing wrong with being a continued source of comfort for your kids.

Frankidoodle · 03/02/2024 07:32

2,10,18,34... that's still your baby. I don't think it's weird... if you have a healthy relationship with your kids, they should be able to seek comfort from you however they feel comfortable. Sometimes you just need a cuddle... I'm 34 and wish I could do this somedays 🤷🏻‍♀️

WellingtonBoot · 03/02/2024 07:35

My 24 yr old autistic son wouldn't think twice about doing exactly this with either his mum or me, and I am very happy that he feels secure enough with us to do it.
It does make me feel slightly uncomfortable but he's my son, I love him unconditionally and if that's what he needs, then that's what he gets and my discomfiture is my issue alone.

Blogswife · 03/02/2024 08:05

It’s not weird at all . I still have a cuddle with my 24 yo DS .

JadeNC94 · 03/02/2024 08:12

Never to old to want comfort from your parent😞

Silkypants · 03/02/2024 08:15

Unfortunately fragile masculinity is common in adult men. Perhaps ask him to explore what made him react that way.

There's nothing weird about a mother loving her children or vice-versa. What's weird is how men have programmed themselves to be miserable and how they inflict that same misery onto their own sons (when they could change, grow, and sever the cycle of trauma).

EthicalBlend · 03/02/2024 08:17

Very strange reaction from DH there. I don't really get it. Is he terribly insecure?

Ann1964 · 03/02/2024 08:18

Your husband should be ashamed of his comments. What a knob!

HulaChick · 03/02/2024 08:21

It's your husband that's being unreasonable & he must have dome weird insecurities. Nothing at all wring with that. My 20 year old son still does that sometimes if we're on sofa - I'll be reading or watching television & he'll lie on sofa with head on my lap looking at his phone. Perfectly normal, comfortable mother-son relationship. My 17 year old daughter got into bed with me this morning for cuppa tea & a chat - again, perfectly normal.

marshmallowburn · 03/02/2024 08:44

My boys ( 3 are adults now) are all huge cuddlers. If they fell asleep on me I would not move, just give them a gentle pat on the head. How lovely.

DancyNancy · 03/02/2024 08:44

I will let my children cuddle up to me forever, no age limit ❣️ leave your dh's opinion with him, whilst understanding he probably didn't have that kind of affection/feel able to be that affectionate himself at home etc

ManhattanNY · 03/02/2024 08:49

My son is nearly 19 and always does this. He puts cushions from the sofa on my lap and then lays on them. I have to tickle his arm or his head through his hair. My husband calls him a soft-head, but affectionately. My son does not have ASD or anything like that, sometimes he just needs a cuddle from mum.

Gooseberrypicklebum · 03/02/2024 08:55

You seem like a lovely caring mum. Your DH sounds like a dick. Maybe his mum wasn't very loving towards him and he just thinks all physical contact is sexual.?

NorthernSturdyGirl · 03/02/2024 08:56

Perfectly normal and wonderful proof of the loving bond between you.

Sometimes men get stuck in gender roles and want their sons to "grow up and be a man". Its a very old fashioned idea but the root is wanting to protect his son from ridicule. I don't think its relevant these days, its a very old fashioned, macho view of how a young man should act.

But it comes from a good place and
one intended to protect, especially if his son is neuro divergent. He has probably seen him hurt and wants him to toughen up to help him face the world.

You keep doing what you are doing and tell hubby he is being over protective. Your relationship with your son sounds good to me.

Jomasell · 03/02/2024 09:30

My son is 17, isnt autistic, 6ft2 and a regular lad but he will occasionally do similar. Not often but its not weird at all and your husbands being a grade A muppet. I also get big hugs off my 37yr old and35 yr old sons too, both married with kids and regular lovely lads. The one with the issue here is the weird husband.

Noseybookworm · 03/02/2024 09:37

It's not at all wierd. It's actually lovely that he still feels comfortable being so close to his mum 🥰 your husband sounds like a knob! Is he jealous?

Mummyofbananas · 03/02/2024 09:49

I think it's so lovely your son has a relationship like that with you, I hope mine do when they're older.

I remember as a teen on weekend mornings, me and my brother and sister would all end up lying in my mums bed watching films and drinking coffee- my brother is quite a bit older than me so would have been late teens to early 20's. They're some of my nicest memories.

DonnaBanana · 03/02/2024 09:55

He claims its "fucking weird" for an 18 year old to lay his head on his mums lap. He is autistic

If your husband is autistic I would cut him a little slack for not finding the right words in this situation

MrsB2022 · 03/02/2024 09:56

I don't think it matters whether he's autistic and poorly-Its not weird.

Mamaraisedadoughut · 03/02/2024 10:32

He's unwell, and wanted his mum for comfort.. some things we just don't grow out of.

piccola15 · 03/02/2024 11:05

No that's definitely not weird. My 11 year old is autistic too. I really hope he can always come to me for comfort x

Q13 · 03/02/2024 11:12

I think it's how you are raised really. We were not a touchy feely family at all, I can't rem ever lying down with my dad or cuddling on the couch, or holding his hand, I'm sure I might have when I was very little but def not after age of 4 or when I have any memory of things. My current partner has an 11 year old girl who is very affectionate towards him, and I found it so weird at the start. Like them cuddling on the couch, or her holding his hand etc and would have felt the same 'god she's way too old for that' but it's just not something I had been exposed to. It doesn't mean your husband is a horrible person imo.

deveronvalley · 03/02/2024 11:30

I don’t think it’s weird how you’ve described it if it’s something you’ve always done but I’m certain my husband would think it was weird and would likely say something. I do remember the day it suddenly felt odd holding my son’s hand walking down the street and we just stopped doing it. I’ve also seen older children holding their mums hand in the street and admit I felt a bit uncomfortable, it just looked odd. I am huggy with my son and own parents but my husband is not at all, he reserves all physical affection for me or drunken football celebrations.

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