For letting 18 year old son lay on my lap

[Katemax82]

Last night I was on the sofa with my 5 year old ds, he was tired and was dozing off. My 18 year old ds was the other side of me and put a blanket under his head and laid it on my lap (he wasn't feeling well for context). He husband walked in and said "your too old for that" to my ds. He claims its "fucking weird" for an 18 year old to lay his head on his mums lap. He is autistic and felt ill. Is he right?

Does nobody else see a big difference between hugging( normal at any age) and an adult lying with their head on mother's lap, which is something i think of mostly as lovers doing, or very young children.

Yuck. What an awful man and a nasty thought.

My siblings and I would get into my parents (massive) bed in our pj's in the mornings for a chat when we stayed over/ at Christmas, well into our 20s.

I'm mid 40s and will still cuddle my dad on the sofa.

Well done you for looking after your poorly son.

If my kids ever need to lay their head in my lap I would never stop them. I would never make them though nor expect them to but if they need that support I’m more than willing. I’m in my 40’s and I’ve laid my head on my Mum’s lap when I’ve been really struggling emotionally. Just because it’s not something you would necessarily do it doesn’t make it wrong or abnormal

No. I think it’s a bit odd that you’d simultaneously think of it both as something one would do with a young child and also something one would do with a lover. That’s some weird thinking right there…

Agreed @Sillybert. I wouldn't necessarily initiate the laying head on my lap in case it made them uncomfortable, but if one of my DC approach me for physical closeness I will never rebuff them. It's not for me to police which of their emotional needs is "appropriate" and I never want them to feel they cannot ask for whatever emotional support they need.

DD is in her twenties and recently moved out. We frequently meet up to see a film or have a drink in a bar with comfy sofas. She often holds my hand and snuggles in with her head on my shoulder. It's lovely! I'm certainly not going to push her off!

We are an extremely affectionate family, always hugging and kissing each other. Once my DS who is 13 was telling friends about it at school, and they all thought it was super weird. One even said "is your mum a paedo?" I was so upset by that comment. But on discussing it with my son, it sounded like his friends parent had seemingly stopped any physically affection, and were now treating their kids more like mates, than their own children which is not a parenting style I subscribe to. I felt sad that a bunch of 13 year olds, were already being starved of affection, from the people they should be able to access it from easiest. My eldest (DD19) is at uni and when she comes home she will happily climb into bed with me, or snuggle on the sofa, and DS is the snuggliest of them all. I call both of them my love leeches because they are always stuck to me lol. DS is taller than me, but will still lay on me like he did as a baby, and snuggle us in bed. I said to him will you still be doing this at 40? He laughed and said probably. He's just starting to get tiny little face hairs and I cant imagine stroking his face and feeling a beard but my children will never be turned away from a hug from me or their dad till I'm no longer here. If more children learned love at home, and could express it easier with each other and family I'm sure the world would be a happier place for it!

Agreed.

When I stayed at my parents house with ds I’d get into bed with them and give my mum a cuddle and play a word game on the iPad with her. I was in my 30s. I miss her loads.

Your husband is the weird one.

I love snuggling my adult dc. They smell like grown up versions of their little child smell. Overlaid with perfume etc.

Dd smelt of melted butter when she was little and ds of toast and sunshine. They still smell like it now!

I love this!

My 19 year old son will still put a cushion on my lap and and fall asleep on it. Perfectly normal.

This says more about your husband than anyone else

definite toxic masculinity....

Not at all. It’s normal in our house. We are an affectionate family, it’s a very relaxed home environment. They sprawl on the sofa and will often just lay their head down on a cushion on my lap in front of the tv (and fall asleep).

you didnt really think this through did you?
There are lots of things you would do with little children or a partner, but not older/adult children- bath sharing for one.

Your husband is weird

yeah and this ain’t one of them

No I didn’t think of bath sharing because I’ve never shared a bath with my child or husband.

I maintain though, seeing anything sexual in laying one’s head in a lap is utterly bizarre.

Bath sharing is just a little different than laying your head on someone’s lap don’t you think? Well, I would hope you would see the difference.

Okay, as well as cuddling my 20 yo DS he does sometimes lay his head in my lap - often his feet are in DHs lap at the same time. To me, your way of looking at is a bit strange.

Think your thought process is really strange and quite sad

Having autism is irrelevant. Your dh is nasty.

Your DH is a bit wierd.

Absolutely nothing wrong with your DS laying his head on your lap. My DS is 18, not autistic and he does this kind of thing. We always give each other a hug and a kiss and say ‘love you’ before one of us leaves the house or at bed time. Sometimes we get a blanket and have a snuggle on the settee, whilst watch the football. He also comes and gets in my bed for a chat, especially if something is bothering him or he wants advice.

He still tells me he loves me and gives me a hug in front of his mates. One of his mates told him that he was a bit jealous as his Mum never does that and mostly just ignores him.

No it's not a big difference.

Resting where his Mum can stroke his hair, rub his back, he can maybe doze off, all seems like a very natural comforting thing to do.

No idea why you think this should be restricted only to lovers or young kids. That's an odd mix and an odd view.