For letting 18 year old son lay on my lap

[Katemax82]

Last night I was on the sofa with my 5 year old ds, he was tired and was dozing off. My 18 year old ds was the other side of me and put a blanket under his head and laid it on my lap (he wasn't feeling well for context). He husband walked in and said "your too old for that" to my ds. He claims its "fucking weird" for an 18 year old to lay his head on his mums lap. He is autistic and felt ill. Is he right?

Your husband is being a prick.

Your dh is being a jerk. Snuggling up to a parent (however old you or the "child" is) is totally adorable and absolutely what a parent and child relationship should be like.

No its not weird.... sometimes they just need a little bit of comfort from their mum. My 18 year old tries occasionally but we can't both fi on the sofa 😂 nothing wrong with giving older children some affection

Tell DH to jog on, you're never too old to have a cuddle with Mum

@okayokokay nope not delusional, just a member of a normal non dysfunctional family.

No wives in my family have wanted to "crush" their husbands for wanting a cuddle, I am sorry for you if that has been your experience. Sounds very nasty but it shouldn't be the norm. All male members of the family are very comfortable showing each other affection going back several generations. Stories told to me by my older relatives indicate it was the same in the generations who died before I was born.

I don't know why you are so determined that men should not be afforded the "luxury" of being shown affection. I'm sorry for you if your life experiences have made you like this. It isn't healthy and I will not be following your example. I'm sure DS will manage not to be "crushed" by the world because of it.

I hug my hubby when he is sad just as I do for the other males in my family and my male friends. I’ve given male strangers a hug in times of need, I certainly don’t crush them or think any less of them.

you say it’s a luxury not extended to them but that, thankfully, not the case. Yes, YOU might not support men in that way as you are very clearly cold hearted but that’s not the case for other people.

I truly hope that my children never have someone like you in their lives.

U ok hun?

Someone's got ishoos here and it isn't the OP or her son.

I’m 46 and still affectionate with my mum and dad.

What IS weird, is someone I know has a son and daughter in their late 20s and a 14 year old son, and all 3 kids go in and chat to the mum when she’s in the bath and the mum goes in when the kids are in the bath, and the kids go and sit with each other when they’re in the bath 🤢🤢

Yeah, you got me. The strength of your argument has absolutely demolished me. It's like you're some 15thC Moorish queen or something. Kudos.

@okayokokay i don’t see it as a childish insult at all.

@TheSandHurtsMyFeelings was just making a valid point as to your attitude and comments.

Wow, men cry! Who knew!

there is something very, very wrong with you. Obviously, in your world, anyone born with a penis is not allowed to express their emotions. Are you from the dark ages? People like you are the reason men suffer mental health problems in silence

I'd say he's probably just reflecting on his own relationship with his Mum and not able to imagine himself feeling the need to do the same thing at that age.

Don't take it personally, it's lovely you have a close bond with your sons.

I'm sorry @Katemax82 but your husband's a dick.

I can't imagine a time where I wouldn't want to show affection to my children, or them to me. And I certainly can't imagine my dh reacting the way yours did!

My DS is 20 and still loves a cuddle with his mum! (As does 25 yo DD when she visits). You’re never too old!

Nothing wrong with cuddles at any age. My 16yo DD still cuddles up to me several times a day most days. I keep thinking she'll get too old to want to, but so far she hasn't. She also likes to rest her feet on my lap in the evening - for some reason my ex-boyfriend thought this was disrespectful?! My 14yo DD is much less cuddly and only really ever snuggles up if she feels ill. Both are perfectly reasonable preferences and I let them choose.

Sometimes I even lie down with my head on my daughter's lap, or snuggle into her shoulder. She's found it funny since she was a baby and she still finds it funny now. Doubtless your DH would think that was awful...

I don't have sons but I don't think teaching boys not to show affection is right.

Your husband is being a dick.

Im nearly 40 and i still go and get into bed with my mum and dad, in the middle. These days i bring DC with me if they’re awake and we’re staying and relish in the chaos. I hope my son ALWAYS feels he can ask me for tactile comfort should he need.

This is a ridiculous point of view that a son can’t show feeling/ask for comfort when he sad or ill or struggling.

You need to have a serious talk with your husband, I think this way of thinking is dangerous and contributes to the high rate of male suicide in this country.

Men and boys have feelings too. Men and boys sometimes just need a fucking cuddle with their mum to make them feel better and providing their mother is comfortable with that then no one should ever comment on it.

My son is 12, completely NT and still asks if I want him to sleep in my bed when DH is on nightshift. He loves them snuggles. He also loves his dad snuggles too. I fully expect to be allowed to cosy up with my son on a settee no matter how old he gets.

OP your DH has issues and they're his to deal with, not anyone else's.

Your DH is fucking weird to think it’s fucking weird.

Tell your husband from me that it sounds like somebody has mummy issues, and it's not you or your son!

Seriously, though, it sounds like his relationship with his own mother is not close or affectionate and therefore he can't compute one that is / feels quite confronted when he compares the two. Therefore he has to believe that your relationship is "weirdly close", outgrow he had to face the possibly that his with his mother is "weirdly distant" and that's upsetting.

Your husbands weird

That makes his comment even worse then.

How sad that a mother and son can't have any affection without him saying a nasty comment about it.

Your DH is wrong! My DS is the same age and he would do the exact same thing. We're a very huggy/tactile family. My DH still hugs DS and gives him a peck on the cheek. And wouldn't think it was odd for him to lay like that, on either of us.
My parents seemed to stop being affectionate around age 11. We still hug hello and goodbye, but I wouldn't go to them because I need a hug. They are great parents, but it makes me a bit sad. I see how naturally affectionate they are with my kids and wonder when and why they stopped being like that with me. It sounds like your DH has the same weird timeline. I'll never stop giving my kids affection (I'd never be weird MIL though and be too tactile with DS in front of a perspective DIL 😅)