Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

She isn’t presenting herself as a victim. She’s fairly criticising him for sleeping with her without letting her know he was in a relationship. Sleeping with someone on a casual basis isn’t immoral in anyway. Lying is!

What a mess, OP. I think that she has a right to know. He's sleeping with other women while she's pregnant and therefore putting his unborn child at risk. STIs can cause serious complications in pregnancy.

Have you got any 'proof' that you could send her so he can't worm his way out of the situation? E.g any screenshots of messages etc.? I think you're going to have to be the bearer of bad news in this situation so she can make an informed decision about whether or not to stay with him.

Yeah I have loads of msgs as proof

I completely agree @Foxblue

Yes the OP may be the messenger that gets shot, but this woman deserves to know about the infidelity.

I couldn't keep someone in the dark about something that affects them so much. It's downright cruel.

What good do you think you will do by telling her? Do you really think it will do anything except make her miserable and make her hate you?

This man is clearly trash.

Cut all ties and forget he ever existed.

if you tell her she’s likely to not believe you or will involve you In an unnecessary on going situation you don’t need to be in.

Are you sure you want to tell her for her own good and not just to spite him?

It all sounds sordid and a bit of a mess - I feel sorry for the baby and the clueless gf. Shagging around/fwb/whatever you want to call it isn't as cool or easy as you like to make out.

Succinctly lay out the facts in a letter/message and request that she or he does not contact you for further information, block them all and move on, they can do with it what they will not your problem. Hope your ok he sounds horrible.

god please tell her. Please don't let this arsehole gaslight her for years.

Now that you know about his new girlfriend you can do the morally right thing and stay away from your ex. Otherwise you will be just as bad as him. Just block him.

Are you sure you want to tell her for her own good and not just to spite him?

Agree with this
It's not really your problem now OP you should just walk away and let them get on with it

Well, she's a pregnant woman whose risk of STIs is higher than she thinks it is. The health risks here are bigger than they'd be otherwise. There's a clear and obvious benefit to a pregnant woman being made aware in this situation.

Sounds like you and the FWB are both having unprotected sex with multiple partners, you really should go for some STI tests and sort your contraception

You seem to enjoy risking you health to have sex

This is a bizarre and unpleasant comment without foundation. Contraception does fail. Do you think that abortion should be illegal? Do you think there is evidence that having two sexual partners makes you more likely to get pregnant?

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How on earth is that comment 'bizarre and unpleasant'. Dear god.

Bonkers. OP has said she doesn't always use condoms so yes, she is risking her health

Seems I’m more of a girls girl than most of Mumsnet because yes I would tell her so we could both bin the loser. Women support women, not hiding secrets from each other so some slimeball can continue his bad behaviour.

I feel sad/scared/surprised that so many wouldn’t tell an innocent woman. She’s pregnant and potentially putting a baby at risk here if he’s sleeping around.

The morally right thing would be to tell the poor pregnant woman he’s cheating on!!!

Think that went without saying...

Yanbu tell her.

Many many years ago, though I didn't know it until years later, I was that pregnant woman. I'd have liked to have known the truth. I'd have liked to have been given the choice to make an informed decision, because he concealed what he was doing he took that choice away from me. That's how I saw it when I eventually found out (he was a serial cheater).

I'd have been grateful for the information. He will probably say you're lying so be prepared for that.

Spiteful would be not telling a pregnant woman and putting her baby at risk because her partner is cheating and probably cheating with others… women should support each other.

I’d calmly ask him about her and ask him why he’s constituted to shag you while knowingly been in a relationship with a baby on the way… I’d record this convo on your phone discretely (so he can’t deny it)… and then send it to her, she has every right to know this man is untrustworthy.
When are you moving? If it’s soon I’d wait till you move and then block him and not tell him where you’re moving to!
In the mean time I’d get yourself into a sexual health clinic and get checked, it’s clear you’re sleeping with a man who is shagging about… you’re also having other sexual relationships unprotected and you need to sort this and stop putting yourself at risk.

Nope, a lot of people are telling her not to tell the pregnant woman. Telling OP to just do the morally right thing and stay away isn’t going to help as so many people crazily think the morally right thing is to leave this poor woman in the unknown.

I think she won’t beleive you and think you’re the bitter ex. To be Honest, I think it would have been good if he told you, but as it’s just sex then it’s her he should have told

Would she believe you though?

We're not together and free to do whatever with whoever.
This is fine in principle, but definitely not fine that he didn't tell you about the woman he has been in a relationship with for a year and is now having a child with.

I'd refrain from telling the girlfriend as it would probably wreck a family before it's even begun. But you should definitely confront your ex-bf, as he needs to sort his shit out and step up to the plate around being a family with his new gf and child! At this rate he is not giving his child a chance at a normal family life.