Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

Hi , tbh im going through same thing apart from the another one has already had the baby and he is mu baby daddy aswell.

Being in the other womans position, i would not want to know tbh, being pregnant and finding out something like that is enough to cause a miscarriage. Leave her (and him) alone. Im all for sex and being promiscuous but having just had an abortion with a diff mans baby id say you need to just focus on yourself and ask them to use protection

We have been sleeping together since I got pregnant we was not together when I found out then about 3 months later found out he got this girl pregnant which they are still on & off because she knows he's a cheat but goes back.

I want to say tell her but would that do any good? Would she believe you? She would probably think you're jealous and want to separate them, if he's a cheater and liar and his gf is not ok with it, she'll eventually find out and move on with her life, it'll take her years but she will... Maybe tell her if you have a hard proof of what you're saying,you never know maybe she'll move on faster...

Wait up..so you had sex with a guy who met someone else, who's now pregnant but you were pregnant but he wasnt the dad and your not the mum and your not together but they are together... that's all pretty messy

I agree with previous posters that, if I was in her shoes, I would want to know.
I wouldn't give him a chance to explain (or talk his way out of it) first. I would just be straight up with her.
I can't believe people would want to stay in a relationship with someone who was sleeping with other people and not want to know. Ignorance is bliss for some I suppose but imagine finding out years later 😬

Op so how will you know he will tell her?
It's a cop out. Take responsibility. Life has consequences. Sure you didn't know but you do now.

He is not going to tell her. You went into this differently from him. He went into this with you with the full knowledge of having a pregnant partner. He does not care about her well being why would he now?

I think he's more likely to shoot the messenger with an ultimatum than a women who doesn't know you online through a screen.

Sounds more to me like you don't want to burn your bridges with this guy more than anything and telling her would do that. It's all a bit grim and time is running out for a clueless woman who already has two kids, who could have an abortion and/or leave this despicable man. Who also doesn't sound like a great role model to be around the kids she currently does have and needs to prioritise.

This form can be so depressing at times. How would you not want to know? Having a child is a life changing decision. It ties you to someone for life. It creates a life. It's not like you don't want to tell her because she's on holiday right now and it may ruin her time away.

No it’s not that messy.

Op had a fwb because she is a young woman with healthy sexual appetite. Straightforward so far. In the past she had an abortion - many women do. Still straightforward.

op then found out that fwb is in a relationship with a woman he has impregnated and wants nothing more to do with him. The messiness is all down to the ex fwb. Op did nothing wrong except enjoy sex with a man she believed was free.

I'm confused... So, you're both free to sleep with whoever you want - but those liaisons can't turn into a relationship?

You do realise people can - and do - become more than FWBs?

and at the point the fwb gets into a relationship he tells his friend it’s over because he is in a relationship.

being in a relationship generally means you have agreed to be exclusive.

the ex knew op wouldn’t want to sleep with him if he was in a relationship, because she has morals. Op is unsure if exs pregnant gf is aware of her or if she is being lied to as well (and let’s be honest we all think he’s lying).

there is of course the option to put something on social media in all innocence and out him that way … but if you have a chat with him that’s not really an option

I don't know, I think it is a bit messy. I say that as someone who's had multiple sexual partners at certain times. Some in the same day, which I actually feel a bit ashamed about now.. I thought she said she had only had an abortion last week, so not that long ago. But yes, I agree that ultimately, op is free to have sex with anyone she wants to. She hasn't done anything wrong, but I think it is messy. But maybe that's my age coming through now.

We was together and split before I found out I was pregnant then got into a new relationship a few months later them she got pregnant BTW we have both had the babies he is the baby daddy to both.

I wouldn't definitely stop shagging him. Also don't tell her. Its not your place and could end up messy. X

1 million percent tell her, as someone cheated on twice I detested anyone who knew and didn't tell me ( as well as the cheaters obvs ), I could handle getting over an arsehole who cheated as its one person but when I realised other people knew and didn't tell me I felt like I didn't have a single person in the world I could trust, friend, stranger, anybody. Also if I hadn't had been informed I'd have potentially stayed with one of them and wouldn't be with the amazing man I'm now with. She's living a lie and needs to know, we all have a duty to share when someone is being wronged.

I should add Op I'm so sorry for this situation for you also and I hope you're okay. None of this is your fault.

To be honest OP I don’t think I’ve actually seen anyone say that they themselves wouldn’t want to know- they’re all just chattering on about how some people wouldn’t want to be told, but I’m damned sure they can’t back that up. It’s nonsense from people who can’t be bothered to go out of their way for another person and seem to think that she doesn’t deserve to know.

Please tell her. I wouldn’t trust him to at all.

Why are people up in arms because a single woman had sex with two people?

How many people are single women allowed to sleep with in a month?

She got unexpectedly pregnant and had an abortion. I don't see why this is all a huge deal.

Op, yes you should tell her. She has a right to know he's a cheater.

Op you have done NOTHING wrong. Nothing.

Ignore the outrage here. You can have a sex life with whoever you choose.

So whose place is it? His? Yes, but he’s not going to.

It’s not my place to help anyone out, but I do, because I have morals and don’t just pass the buck. “Could get messy” is a pathetic excuse imo.

Frankly, it doesn’t matter who tells the poor girl, as long as someone does.

Here’s someone who wouldn’t want to know, @JVC24601 - just a few posts up from yours.

As I’ve said multiple times on this thread - everyone always says they would want to know (I would want to know!), but the messenger invariably gets shot. They just do.

People who say/think they would want to know, sometimes behave very differently in reality.

Someone who’s pregnant might not want to leave the cheating partner, and now they’re in a shit situation, with other people knowing / gossiping / meddling.

I am so sorry you are getting a hard time on here - as far as I understand it you thought you were in a FWB arrangement with this chap - who was also SINGLE! You find out yesterday he isn’t single and is expecting a baby with someone he has been in a relationship with for a year!!

I completely understand your anger - I am assuming you would have walked away from the FWB arrangement if you had known?!!
The abortion bit is nothing to do with anyone on here so ignore the awful comments! I would though walk away and not tell her. I can hear his ridiculous sob story now!! Just tell him you know - that he is a twat for putting you at risk (from STis) and block him!

Take good care of yourself while you recuperate.

And I will say, that if it were a friend being cheated on, I would tell them.

I would be far less likely to get involved and tell someone I don’t even know, where I’ve been (unwittingly) the other woman.

It sounds like you need to take a massive step back from this drama and focus on yourself.

The point of telling is not to force the woman to leave. I don't know how many times this can be said. Nobody can force anyone to leave and it's up to this woman to do what she wants with the information. If she wants to stay, she can well do that.

And if the messenger gets shot, oh well? They're not friends and op claims she didn't know anything. Unless she continues to have sex with him after this, most women aren't going to be angry at her in that situation.

I cannot fathom how anyone is saying don't tell her for the above reasons.