Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

I would tell her.
Of course you don't owe her anything, you don't even know her.
But there is a woman out there pregnant, thinking she is in a relationship and about to waste her life on him, because she has no idea what a cheating piece of shit he is (most likely).

I would want to know. You have information that could possibly save this woman from wasting years of her life, uprooting her dc when they are older (and will affect them much much more) because he'll carry on and it'll come out eventually.

If I could save someone wasting years of their life by giving them information they would surely want to know, and thus giving them an actual choice in how their life will unfold, then I would.
Not doing so would be just cruel.

Would you want someone to tell you OP, if you were in her shoes?
So what if you get shot as the messenger. you don't know her, she doesn't know you. But even if she doesn't believe you, at least you can know you gave her a choice and been a decent person. Something he isn't doing.
And I expect even if she is sceptical, it will plant a seed and hopefully she will catch him at it sooner rather than later.

Of course you tell her. If you don’t you’re condoning this shitrag’s behaviour. If she stays with him then she does so in the full knowledge of what he’s like. If my DP was cheating there’s no way I wouldn’t want to know. It’s would completely change my future, but I would rather know the truth and be fooled by a convenient lie.

As long as its not a serious relationship with a pregnancy involved then? If you're not in a relationship with him and its purely fwb and you can both do what you like why do you care so much, you owe each other nothing. You may not be the only one, the other guy you slept with may fuck others, the only benefit to her knowing is that she and her baby could be harmed by sti. It's up to him, you will just come over as jealous and bitter. Were you married to him?

Not telling her is not condoning it, give over, continuing to shag him is condoning it,

some folks are so excited about this pregnant woman getting hurt. Telling her or not telling her is nothing to do with condoning the behaviour or not, it’s getting involved further in someone’s relationship and deciding you know best .

No one is 'excited' to see a pregnant woman get hurt. She's 12 weeks pregnant if she had this information now it could completely change what she decides to do. She also has two kids already.
I would of preferred it someone told me instead of finding out a year later with children and in a situation not as financially stable..

Oh yeah it's a kindness for her to have the baby not knowing this and hopefully not catch anything in the mean while.

Giving him an ultimatum isn't going to work. He's not a guy that cares for his pregnancy partner clearly and what if he just says yeah I told her. Yeah this guy is trust worthy to do the right thing.

This poor woman will end up a single mum with three kids. But at least she doesn't find out now that's the kindest thing to do. 😂😂

I don't get how you can have a regular fwb situation with someone and not know they have a partner and baby on the way. Aren't most people on some form of social media? Did you meet them in real life?

some folks are so excited about this pregnant woman getting hurt.

@Freakinfraser this is what you took from this thread, are you serious?

Not telling her is basically relishing in some poor pregnant woman (and her unborn baby) getting her comeuppance for being with OP's ex.

And as someone who was in this situation and caught a infection that still affects my health nearly 10 years later I would want to know.

I hope this isn't real, because if it is, there a whole web of people putting this pregnant woman's health at risk (rightly or wrongly).

I care so much because iv gone from being fwb to the ow which I didn't agree to. No we wasn't married

There is nothing about her on his social media. There is on hers but I didn't know she existed. She doesn't live anywhere near me I knew nothing about her. Where fwb its not like we live together so I have no idea what he does in his spare time

So you all need to get checked out!

I would want to know if it was me but there's a lot on this thread who wouldn't

How many people may have been involved in all this?

There is a pregnant woman's sexual health at the crux of all this!

I have been they did this when sorting out the abortion

I would tell her, you may save her years of pain down the line

Iv slept with 2 people during this time I don't know about him. I have no interest in who he has sex with. I'm only annoyed now as it wasn't just sex with someone else its a relationship and their starting a family

What a mess. You can walk away from this, but its going to ge more difficult for her. Ideally she should expect a partner who doesn't cheat on her. In her shoes, I would want to know. But it won't be easy on her.
In your shoes, would I tell her? Maybe. Although I would probably enlist a friends help.
Going forward, these fwb situations seem messy.

And there could be significant risk. How many people had your other bloke slept with?

We're condoms used?

I'd want to know so I wouldn't have to waste another day of my life with a tosser. She'd find out eventually and it's so much worse further down the line.
Tell her.

jesus how many men are you having unprotected sex with? 🤢

some folks are so excited about this pregnant woman getting hurt. Telling her or not telling her is nothing to do with condoning the behaviour or not, it’s getting involved further in someone’s relationship and deciding you know best .

Imagine being pregnant and catching an STI from your cheating partner, putting your health and your baby's health at great risk. Then imagine finding the other woman could have told you if she felt like it and spared you and your unborn baby from the infection, but she decided that it was best to keep it from you and let you carry on in ignorance. She decided it was best to not give you the chance to make an informed decision about your own sexual health. I'd be fucking furious.

I'm seeing him tonight so I will find out what's going on and give him the chance to tell her first

I have children. I didn't realise spelling had to be perfect on an online forum