Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

Tell her as soon as you can! She may decide she does not want to single-parent two kids, and time for a termination is running out.

I would tell her.
She's pregnant, and tbh, I think that's about the last time you can warn someone what they're tying themselves to for the rest of their lives.
She has options here that she can't make when the baby is born.
He is already showing a startling lack of commitment to her and their child by continuing to have sex with other people. Sorry, did I read that the two of you use condoms most of the time? ... I just think that if he's not even using them 100% of the time, and he knows you're having other sexual partners, that's horrific on his part putting his partner and baby at risk like that.

I'd been FWB with someone, it was all knocked on the head cos he was a bit of a dick.
I heard from him one day, I knew he had a girlfriend, he told me she was pregnant, from Facebook (me and him were friends on there) she seemed so lovely. I congratulated him, he followed up by telling me that he was happy but couldn't help but treat himself to a new girl to shag a few times a month. He saw it as his hobby. I knew that he was having unprotected sex with his partners because he was very reluctant to use condoms when he was previously had sex. I really regret not forwarding her those messages.

He came up on suggested people about a year ago (I deleted him pretty sharpish after that conversation as I thought that it didn't feel like my place to blow up this poor woman's world and didn't want to see photos of him acting like he was lovely when he was doing what he was)

They've now got multiple kids, and theyre married but she looks absolutely miserable.. I wonder if she knows, or maybe has so many clues that he's snagging away, but just can't prove it.

I think given the opportunity again, I'd let her know.
We all know the gaslighting, and shit that goes along with cheating partners.

Sorry, how is the OP as bad here? Or bad at all, in fact? Some people have more than one sexual partner. That is totally ok, assuming no one is being deceitful.

OP - 100% tell the pregnant partner. Female solidatiry and whatnot.

I would tell her, because I'd bet you are not the only one he's shagging around with. Even if she doesn't believe you, if she ever has future doubts, she will remember what you said, and if she is doubting already then what you say may make sense of some things that haven't added up.

The way he didn't tell you about her makes me think you are just one of his casual shags - there's no real 'friends' going on in this situation. A friend wouldn't deceive you like this.

Funny how you absolve him and slut shame OP even though she’s single and he’s one who cheated on his pregnant partner. Misogyny ingrained.

All of the people telling her not to say anything. Would you not want to know?

I would, but I have a close friend who absolutely wouldn’t and have seen threads on here where the woman doesn’t, it is generally they would rather not know as they don’t wish to then deal with it.

Often a woman can be vulnerable and not feel able to leave, financially vulnerable I mean, and the partner here is pregnant.

i think some folks can’t imagine anyone feeling different to them, the reality is turning a blind eye, not wanting to know, is actually a thing for some.

Ignore the silly wee pearl clutchers who can’t comprehend the concept of being single and having sex with two whole people 😆they’re not worth responding to- you’ve done nothing wrong, obviously! I’m team tell the woman, I’d want to know if I was her.

😂👏

Sorry, what? I don't even know where to start with this one.

You are aware that the majority of adults are sexually active, right?

And here was me thinking we got pregnant but standing on our head and doing the salsa, who'd have thought

I would tell her but I’d also question your motives. Telling her gives her time to make a decision on the baby but then he might word it that you are jealous after your abortion because you want him back. Either way yes she deserves to know.

@Freakinfraser but why assume for someone else that they don't want to know? If she's pregnant it's even more important that you tell her so she can make the choice she wants.

I would want to know.

But I also wouldn’t be the one to tell someone I didn’t know that their shit of a ‘partner’ was cheating on them.

Everyone says they’d want to know.

But - somehow - it’s always, always the messenger who gets shot in reality.

Eww, wash your hands OP, and everything else. Are you still shagging him? Regardless of the one you know about - leave her alone - where else is he putting it? Blecch.

Gosh, so much rambling for something that is blatantly obvious.
By your admission OP, "Where (sic) not together and free to do whatever with whoever." He had a relationship and decided to keep it private which 100% falls under the category of "whatever with whoever" so don't do something stupid now and keep your mouth shut.

This! She may have absolute blinkers on and not have any idea what kind of guy he really is.

She is still in the time frame she may want to not be a single mum.
Really hope all the women say don't tell this poor woman don't have daughters jesus.

The worst thing that will happen is she has a go at you so what it be some words on a screen. I would message her with proof of messages that are time stamped and explain the situation. I wouldn't even tell the guy he's all kinda of wrong to do that to a pregnant partner and risking the health of her and the unborn child.

Do the right thing OP

Oh and expecting him to do the right thing won't happen. His actions show what kind of guy he is. He may sound reasonable back to you but I guarantee he won't tell her and then what? She ends up with no choice living in a reality with a man like that with what two kids already and one on the way.

I have a friend at the moment who's in the situation of this woman and is on the verge of suicide In her pregnancy as she feels so trapped. Most women don't want to be a single mum with 3 kids or more it's a hard life.

She has to know he's been putting her at risk of STIs. An STI on pregnancy can damage the baby's development. However it isn't your role to tell her, it's his. If he's sleeping with you he'll be sleeping with others and putting her at risk.

I would give him an ultimatum and say if he doesn't tell her you will. Obviously he'll say terrible things about you when he does tell her but that doesn't really matter as your priority should be about keeping her baby safe, not your reputation with her.

ooh! A woman just knows these things .

Don't tell her.
She's pregnant now, she is stuck with him now as they have a child (either in a relationship or in contact with him due to shared child)
It's not good to have a major shock and emotional suckerpunch whilst pregnant.
I would just stay out of it.

Say to him, look no more fwb, I see you are in a realationhip with a baby on the way, best of luck with that.
You haven't done anything wrong at this stage, but if you slept with him again knowing that he has this relationship/baby on way then you would move into the territory of doing something very wrong indeed - participating in an affair.

You are happy with a fwb situation with him; do you have this with anyone else?

As in - she needs to know, to get an STI test because her health and her baby's are at risk from his risky behaviour with you.

And staying silent so she's living in blissful ignorance ... until maybe one day the truth all explodes in her face ... is not a kindness.

Beware tho if you do tell her he may want to have his revenge against you. And anything he might do to her if she leaves.

Only you know why he's an ex, but could he be dangerous?

100% tell her, and send the messages etc. Give her the chance to make an informed choice about her situation. Just because she is pregnant by him, it does not mean she also has to be in a relationship with him, or that that is what is best! It is not the 1950's!

DON'T speak to him first OP , you'll only be giving him a heads up to spin the pregnant gf some bullshit.

To all the posters telling OP to tell him to tell the gf, I think that is blatantly pointless. This is someone that is happy to cheat multiple times on their pregnant gf. He's not suddenly going to grow a conscious because OP told him off! He's just going to cheat with someone else!

Best of luck OP!

If roles were reversed, would you want to know? I would.

Her health is being put at risk - if you’re also having unprotected sex with other people even more so.