Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

Would you want to be told if the shoe was on the other foot? I sure as heck would. That women is living a lie and she has a right to know. She'll hate you but be grateful you told in the future. Why should he get away it?

She’s cross with him because there is a big difference between having a FWB arrangement between two single people (as she believed their arrangement to be) and a FWB arrangement with someone who has a girlfriend and is starting a family with her. Her ex misled her into thinking he was single because he knew she wouldn’t want to FWB with someone who wasn’t single.

The OP was not cheating on anyone because she is single and could sleep with whoever she liked, as her ex was aware. Her ex, however, was not single and therefore IS cheating on someone (the mother of his child, not the OP).

It’s not actually difficult to understand. The OP has done nothing wrong whatsoever and has not lied to anyone. The ex has lied to both the OP (in order to keep sleeping with her) and to his girlfriend.

😜

Thankyou I don't understand why people aren't getting this

I feel sure you are better than becoming an OW but please do yourself a massive favour and insist on a condom every single time. I'd hate for you to catch something nasty.

My understanding of a FWB is that it is a mutual ‘just for sex’ thing, where neither party deems it necessary to discuss other aspects of their private life. Of course, most women wouldn’t dream of this kind of arrangement if they knew there was a pregnant partner at home. So I’m not surprised you’re angry about it. But I wouldn’t tell her.

You may very well be right. But it's not so much about 'revealing all' and 'forcing' her to accept the proof and end the relationship, it's just about giving her the information. What she does or doesn't do with it is up to her.

BUT, as time passes (assuming he doesn't change his ways) there will be little red flags that indicate he's cheating (again). The OP's words will pop up in her brain and she may very well realize then that she's married a male 'slag'. And those words from the OP may be the words that embolden her to confront him and hopefully get out of the relationship.

Mine wasn't a cheater, but I was 'warned off' a man by an ex-gf because he was narcissistic. I just put it down to jealousy and ignored her warnings. But a few months later my brain wouldn't let me ignore her words anymore because they reinforced the 'wrongness' of the way he was treating me. Those words gave me the confidence to tell him to fuck off out of my life. TBH, if she hadn't 'planted those seeds' I don't know how long I would have stayed with him, trying to 'fix things'.

The number of people on here accusing the OP of wanting to hurt the girlfriend by telling her is ridiculous.

If OP was angry that he was just sleeping with someone else, she'd be in the wrong as they were FWB and not exclusive. But it's fair enough to be angry that you've been made the accomplice to cheating on a pregnant woman!

OP is an innocent party wondering if she should tell another innocent party that she's been betrayed. I have no idea why so many people are sticking the boot into OP, other than being puritan cows who want to shame someone. The fact that someone tried to frame this as "why do women want to hurt other women", while giving OP a good verbal kicking is the height of irony.

I’d definitely message her and just advise her, leave and drama or emotion out of the messages. He has got you involved in a messy situation by not ending it when he should have, and now here you are. I’d be fuming OP.

A ‘just for sex’ thing is a fuck buddy.

FWB (friends with benefits) absolutely does suggest being friends first and foremost, and so yes, absolutely discussing other aspects of their private lives.

Perhaps just semantics, but it does seem as if the OP has been seriously mislead by this bloke on multiple levels.

To be honest, I would say to skody bloke that either he tells her, or you will. And mean it.

That way it will hopefully end up being him doing his own dirty work, and you don’t have to be the messenger who absolutely would be shot.

I'm gonna speak to him first and see how he responds before I message her.

Never heard it called a fuck buddy before 🤣 just FWB, I suspect there is a regional aspect at play with the terminology. Totally agree op was misled, very few women would do that to another ( pregnant) woman.

Well I’m old, but there was a whole episode titled exactly that in Sex and the City in the late 90s, but I’m sure the term pre-dates that.

Anyway….

So many judgey pearl clutches here! I don't know why you are getting so much stick OP.
RTFT people! She is single, was not in a relationship with the man whose baby it was so she was not cheating on anyone. She didn't know that he was doing that and making her the other woman without her even knowing it. The man is the scumbag, not her!

I would want to know and I wouldn't let him know first as it will prime him to make up some nonsense to make you seem unbelievable to her should you tell her. Or he'll get control of her Facebook and delete any messages you send plus block you. I wouldn't give him the forewarning.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation and what must be a shitty time for you already. Take care.

🤪😂

Jesus I recommend you and your pals learn about condoms. She’s gotten pregnant to some guy after only 9 months whilst already having a kid to a different guy, her boyfriend is also shagging you, who is also shagging someone else that knocked you up…it’s like an episode of Jeremy Kyle. How sad that more babies are being brought into the world like this.

This!

She's not my pal, I don't know her.

Just don't tell him you I may decide to tell her.

It's an exact 50/50 split on the voting on whether to tell her so that's helpful 🙈

Again - tell him to tell her, or you will.

OP will have no way of knowing whether he did this or not though.

I think I would want to know, so you should tell her. Make it very clear you had no idea he was in a relationship and that you have no intention of speaking to him or seeing him ever again.

Just butt out and get on with your own life

Given the number of people here who seem to think the OP is a disease-ridden moral degenerate for having sex with a whole two people while single, I'm unfortunately not surprised that they'd also be willing to collude with a man's scummy behaviour like this.