Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

He's using it as an excuse to flirt with you while the mums away? Maybe having a memory b himself?

He probs feels out of sorts. I'd defo do it.

I don't think it's weird , it's lovely of you to do it .

As the little girl is only 5 or 6 , she probably likes her hair being done the same every day , so may have asked her dad to ask you to do it like her mum does . You said her mum is happy too , so ignore the naysayers in here , they love to stir .

Yes I'm not disputing this, but people are taking umbrage because a man asked a woman for help do a child's hair. But they're totally ignoring the fact that PLENTY of women are no good at French plaits or buns and get their friends/another random mum at dancing to do it.

They're also ignoring the fact that the situation is an emergency and that youtube tutorials about hairdressing aren't at the top of the priority list.

It’s really kind of you to do it. Hopefully, it’ll be the start of a friendship. 👍

I think for me the most bizarre part of this is just the assumption that you’ll do this every day for him, not just as a one off. It’s the entitlement! You're a woman so you’ll do it.

You’re much kinder than me OP, I would probably have given him a puzzled look and done it the first time but then specifically said ‘now you know how to do it - there are also YouTube vids if you get stuck or I’m sure DD can just have a ponytail for a couple of weeks.’

If he was asking her to do the washing up, I’d agree with you. But the ability to do a plait is something it’s not exactly unreasonable to assume a woman with long hair might be more likely to have learned to do than a man.

And everyone saying ‘it’s takes 5mins to learn from YouTube’ - I had short hair throughout my childhood into my 30s and since I have grown it out I have not acquired the skills to do any kind of neat plait or up-do despite watching numerous videos.

He didn't assume, he asked.

But it’s not the OP’s problem if he can’t do it! It would be like me asking a random guy next door to help de-ice my car every morning because he’s a man so ‘must be good with cars’. Bizarre.

This is such a lovely update!

As I suspected, sounds like Dad had tried and failed before asking you rather than immediately assuming this was a “woman’s job”

We live in a very community-spirited neighbourhood and I think it’s wonderful when neighbours can look out for one another. I think this is fabulous!

It's unreasonable that a man with a daughter has never learned how to do it.

A bit unusual, but I’d do it without a second thought. The most important person is the little girl, I’m sure she’s feeling rather upset and confused and her hair might be really important to her. I’d definitely have another go at teaching the husband to do it though.

Lol. That’s a bit random. No a 5 or 6yr old child can’t plait it, but I’m sure the dad can tie it into a loose pony tail. I wouldn’t mind doing it - but it’s a bit odd and random to ask!

I can't do a decent plait so they wouldn't ask me a second time.😂

It's very kind of you OP. As they say 'it takes a village'- you are now part of their village! Seriously though, you've provided some routine for this little girl at what must be a frightening and confusing time for her.

Totally random, but some of life's greatest moments are the totally random, unexpected ones aren't they!

Nice job helping out, it's lovely to have a neighbour you know you could turn to, even if it is for something totally bizarre 😂

Keep us updated on the morning plaits and baby arrivals!

While ideally in the long run he will learn to plait hair, etc. (but see a PP, maybe he is dyspraxic as well), practically speaking in the circumstances couples do divide tasks up, and some things just don't crop up until they crop up. The little girl will undoubtedly feel better having her hair look and feel the same with her Dad all worried and the change to routine going on, and it'll be one less thing that Dad doesn't need to stress about while he deals with his wife and unborn child being in hospital, caring for the other, and holding down his job presumably.

I promise you, this request wouldn't have seemed that weird in the circumstances when and where I was bringing my kids up. People seem to get het up now about people just interacting with other people, it's weird to be posting a thread about whether it's weird. It was a reasonable request, nicely made. Although "no I'm sorry that won't work for me, I can show you today but my mornings are too busy" or "and I'm not comfortable with it" or "sorry, not my thing, try a YouTube video, everything is on there now" would also have been fine if that was what you preferred OP and I would've hoped it would've been taken with good grace.

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees
Plait done...
Ah that's lovely. Sounds you've made some friends there 🙂

That’s a lovely update. It’s means a lot to have your hair done right during tough times!

ideally, maybe. But realistically even the most equal relationships end up either deliberately or unintentionally specialising. If DH got rushed to hospital there’s a whole list of things I’d be struggling with because I typically leave them up to him.

@ItIsLobstersAllTheWayDown

People seem to get het up now about people just interacting with other people

I know, I find it really depressing. That and automatically assuming the worst motives in people.

Such a basic task to pull a nail out of a tyre and squirt some patching liquid in it, but you couldn’t do it yourself? You had to ask a whole group of men to do it for you? And you don’t even know how to keep your tyres inflated? Every petrol station has an air pump. Do you not have an air pressure gauge in the car? Or know the psi of your own tyres?

Who is “they” that devalues female labour? What an odd argument to make here, it’s like you aren’t even aware that there are hair salons that do braids and charge £60-£120 just to braid hair.

The issue here is you went to a professional for a simple task, so you are going to pay for the service. If the Dad went to a professional, he too would have had to pay for the service.

But neighbours help each other out. I helped my neighbour do tree surgery last weekend, would have cost several hundred quid if she had a professional come to do it. But why do that when there are two of us, we have a ladder and cutters and chainsaws and can just DIY it. I help her, she helps me.

No one is a twat for initiating a neighbourly pooling of skills and resources.

It’s not her problem but it would be a very sad world if everyone’s response to a request for help was “that’s not my problem”

If I needed help de-icing my car I’d ask someone who owned a car because they’re more likely to own some de-icer..

If I needed to borrow some curry leaves I’d try my Indian neighbours before my Irish ones. If I needed a cake tin I’d try the 70 year old lady before the house share of 20-something males (but they’d probably be the first people I ask if I need to push start my car).

Me too, totally depressing and just flabbergasted at how people have responded. I wouldn't even think twice about it, I'd just be pleased to help someone in their hour of need. I can't think of any of my friends who would be funny about this which makes me grateful for the people I surround myself

I feel the same. I see awful documentaries on how people die alone in their flats and not one neighbour notices. Fast forward YEARS and skeletons are found just lying in the flat. Then all the neighbours are like, oh my, I had no idea. This is what happens when people start to feel like they can’t talk to their neighbours, that they can’t ask a neighbour for a hand or offer a hand. When everyone ignores everyone except their mates on WhatsApp.