Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

Yes, of course we all ask others for help now and again, even random strangers. But would you ask your neighbour to help you de-ice your car EVERY DAY? Or ask your Indian neighbours to borrow curry leaves EVERY time you made a curry? No, because they’d think you were a twat. The first time fine, but then any reasonable person would expect you to be able to learn and look after yourself like a grown up.
If plaiting hair is so important to his daughter, he needs to learn to do it himself, or at least another style that would suffice.

But he didn't assume. He didn't turn up with the kid and say "yo wench, sort out my kid"
He's probably happy to send her off to school with her hair loose or in some ragtag pony but her Mommy has been taken off in an ambulance with her baby sibling and Mommy always puts it in a plait and kids that age are crazy. Daddy not being able to do it like Mommy will be a big thing. Having it up nice like Mommy does it probably helps her not keep thinking about Mommy and the baby in the ambulance as much

It’s not every day in this situation either. It’s temporary. Like your neighbour goes on holiday and asks if you can feed their cat abd water their garden for two weeks. Yes it is every day but only for two weeks. Temporary.

It’s actually very grown up to learn how to collaborate with your neighbours so that you help each other out. No woman or man is an island unto themself.

I cam imagine a very upset little girl asking daddy to ask the nice lady who had nice hair if she could do ger hair as he is doing it wrong.

Very sweet op your helping her.

Yes but usually when you ask a neighbour to feed your cat, you already have some kind of relationship/know them. You wouldn’t just knock on the door of a random person and ask them to feed your cat for 2 weeks. Although judging by some of the answers on this thread, perhaps some people would!

A neighbour isn’t a random stranger. And usually it is an offer of help or request for a favour that is the start of a lasting relationship with neighbours.

There is no swipe right to get to know a neighbour on staged tea and chat dates.

So you would honestly knock on someone’s door, say 3 doors down, who you’ve never spoken to before and ask them to feed your cat for 2 weeks? Bonkers.

This will be the first favour...he's probably testing the water to see how receptive you will be for cooking tea/ helping with laundry/ doing homework.

Just show him how to do a ponytail or something!

I feel like people are looking to feel affronted by this request. The family are struggling. Mum probably holds the fort everyday and they’re feeling lost without her. What is the harm in doing this little girl’s hair and giving her a bit of stability?

I'd do her hair for the sake of the child but I'd also judge her dad.

No one is criticising the OP for helping out and being neighbourly, just pointing out the different expectations of men and women in our sexist society.

But
A. Lots of people can't do plaits. It's not because op is a woman, it's because she's talked about hair with the child before in the lift.
B. They are not strangers, op says they seem nice, they say hello and chit chat. She just didn't know their names but they are already at least acquaintances.
C. It seems the request came from an upset 5 Yr old not the dads idea to ask some random woman!

You should speak to your neighbours and introduce yourself when you move in. That’s the grown up thing to do.

OP and her neighbour have spoken to each other before. Saying hello, waving, going “lovely day isn’t it”, or the postman left this package for you ant mine…isn’t someone who is a random stranger or someone you have never spoken to.

I make an effort when I move into a new home to meet my neighbours and have a chit chat. My neighbours next door, we take turns mowing each others front as it’s all one piece of lawn. I share plant bulbs and cuttings. They share veg from their allotment.

So yes, when we knock on each others doors we can ask each other for help, or if I happen to see my 80yr old retired neighbour attacking the wisteria on his garage roof while his deaf 85yr old wife is trying to cut it up to put in the green bin, I am more than comfortable popping out and offering to shimmy up the ladder and do that bit for him and give them a hand. Or when my other neighbour’s cat lost her collar in my garden (it is chipped), she was happy to ask me to poke around my bushes for it and we did a game of “getting warmer” and had a good old laugh and catch up.

My back fence neighbour has a wheelchair using husband and she is right now having a double masectomy for breast cancer. So YES I will be popping over to her street when she is out of hospital on Friday to ensure she is stocked with food, milk, and gets any help she needs- I will run errands for her and so on .

That's super weird. Tell him to go on YouTube and learn. Ok, so his wife is out of hospital in 2 weeks - and then has to return to doing the daughter's hair every morning whilst juggling a newborn? Tell the dad to step up!

It is the fathers job to provide stability for his child.

So jobs cannot involve teaming?

i would ask him lots of specific questions about why he is incapable of doing such a simple task

Yep, when his wife's in hospital and he's worried about her and the baby is exactly the time to do that @Hmmmmaybe

I'm guessing that the little girl is very upset that her mum isn't there, and worrying about her too. I can imagine the dad trying to do it and the kid putting all her anxiety and upset into him doing it wrong, or not letting him near it if he was hurting her in trying to get the tangles out.

I can imagine it because a few weeks ago I had to have my 4 year old granddaughter to stay with me for a few days while her baby sister was very sick in hospital and her mum and dad were with her. Doing DGD's hair was a nightmare, and she never did let me get as far as a plait or a pony tail. If I could get the tangles out, that was a result.

She doesn't normally kick off about her hair, but life wasn't right and it was the last straw for her.

I think this is quite sweet - I would imagine that if the LO is as stubborn as mine was she would not accept bunches but would want plaits.!

Well done OP for doing this but also well done to the DF for asking for help... if this was a woman to woman request I doubt it would be that odd. 'It takes a village to raise a child' and all that

Sorry@PurpleWhirple , I've no idea why your quote appeared in my post. My finger must have slipped.

A parent not being able to do their kids hair. Not normal and what an absolute rude man he is asking you to do it. I'd have asked him if it was a joke and closed the door.

That sounds to me like a very normal, neighbourly way of living.

I don't understand the fearfulness and suspicion of neighbours I see people posting about here. People are 'strangers' until you get to know them, and you get to know them by talking and making the effort to find points of connection.

I can also see why the specific man-hands-child-related-task-to-woman scenario has raised hackles. He really should know how to braid his child's hair.

Exactly my thoughts. Do you have very long hair that's always plaited ? Or did he just think of you because you're the closest vagina.

To people saying the dad just couldn’t be bothered to learn, this obviously isn’t their first time having a baby, but it is the first time having a baby with another child at home. With all the things they have had to think of and prepare, maybe doing their daughters hair for school (probably always automatically been a mum job) didn’t cross their mind. Whilst I would be a bit thrown off if this happened to me, I wouldn’t denigrate the dad, at least he’s trying to solve the problem and make sure his daughter is happy. Presumably he is staying while the hair is plaited so not left with a stranger and little one has less upheaval in a strange time of life as mummy disappears and comes back with a baby attached.

It's weird and that dad ought to grow up. Hasn't he heard of teaching himself on YouTube?

I'm so glad I don't have that thought process.

@AndrewGarfieldsLaptop and he can do that literally overnight?
He tried to do it and his plait didn't work so he asked for help.
Also asking a neighbour that you don't really know that well for help is quite a "grown up" thing to do.