Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

He could learn to plait now so he can do that when his wife comes home with the new baby. Can guarantee he won’t though

I'm a woman with two DDs who cannot plait.
I can barely tie laces tbh.
I watched the videos but am still hopeless.
Ironically it was their Dad who could do a halfway decent job.
This child is six and missing their Mum.
I'd have had to decline on the grounds I'm inept but if I could have, I would have. It will make a world of difference.

and you falling over yourself to make excuses for him doesn't make it true or his thought process either.

Like I said, I'd offer to show him but if he refused like he did with OP then that would be that.

I'm so glad you're the neighbour OP and not some of the posters on here. Little things like this are the kind of thing that are really important to little kids, especially if they're already feeling super anxious and upset about their mummy not being around. We've had to lean on friends and extended family recently because of several members of mine and DP's family in hospital seriously ill/ undergoing chemo etc, it's all come at once. Trying to run a home, work, be at the hospital, keep on top of the food shopping, making sure the uniforms are clean, doing packed lunches when you're getting back from the hospital late at night whilst dealing with that level of emotional stress is tough. Luckily we've got that network, this man obviously doesn't and has reached out and you're doing the right thing, which is showing kindness to this family who are going through a difficult time

Yes, it is weird.
However, I recall that my own Mum could do a basic plait but not a French one, and when I was a bridesmaid I got taken to the house of a random neighbour (who was a total stranger to me though presumably not to my Mum, and definitely not involved in the wedding) to be fully braided.

It is maybe a bit unusual and he probably could have YouTubed it or whatever but it seems well intentioned (assuming no other odd vibes or behaviour..) and I would like to think there is enough genuine good in the world that a neighbour could feel comfortable to ask their community for help with something if needed without this being weird. Who knows it might be in that moment that with everything it didn't cross his mind. But maybe I am a little naive/odd?! 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 As long as you feel comfortable to also say no also at the same time if you don't want to / it doesn't sit right with you as well. And I would be clear it is a short term thing and dad needs to learn pronto!

Someone mentions earlier about it taking a village to raise a child.

tbh if this guy knocked on my door I’d help him?

I don’t even think I’d give it a second thought. In my mind it’s ok for people to look for help and to see women as motherly figures.

the guy was probably desperate and preoccupied about his wife and unborn child.

It’s a bit odd, but Dad might just be panicking about the birth and looking after everyone. Maybe the idea popped in his head as he was passing (or having a meltdown after failing at hair) and it seemed like an incredible plan so he rushed over to ask without contemplating the request from your point of view.

Why is it ok for people to see women as motherly figures?

I think it's a little bit weird but I would be happy to do it if it's not inconvenient for you. The guy asked really politely so I can't see what he did wrong.

I've two daughters and the have always had long hair, it was down past their bum at times, and I have never plaited it. I kept trying but it always looked messy. I'm usually practical and can put my hand to most things but my attempts to plait their hair were rubbish.

I CAN plait it's just their hair I couldn't plait.

Daughters. If I were the OP I would not have any daughters, so why would anyone assume I knew how to braid a child’s hair.

I think it might be deeper than the plaits. Almost like he needed to reach out for support, maybe? If they don’t have family nearby, he might be so worried over his wife and feeling a bit out of his depth with it all, wanting some adult support, another female to kind of help him in some way. I don’t know I might be overthinking it and maybe he just thought ‘I can’t do plaits so I will ask the neighbour that I don’t really even know’. But if it was me, I would agree to do it but ask him to make sure mum was ok with it too, and does she HAVE to have plaits or could she have something he can manage like bunches etc. I would just say ‘it must be a very worrying time for you all’ and then offer whatever you’re prepared to offer. It it was me, I would (and have done) offered to batch cook and do them a few meals so he hasn’t got to think about that. I would ask if there is anything else they needed. But I wouldn’t do or say anything I didn’t freely want to do. So it’s up to you and you’re not a bad person if you say no! I just think that YES that is not the norm, it IS weird, but it’s probably not really about the hair.

I would be mortified if my DH did that. I'd rather he just brush it and put a head band in. I wouldn't say its normal. That said, the girl might be really precious about her hair. The dad might have already tried and made a mess of it and that's why she was upset. So, it's a nice thing of you to do. Don't over think it.

i guess we’re all different. I’d have no problem with this.

How fucking useless, he’s had years to learn to do something with his daughters hair but just hasn’t bothered to watch and learn.

I would do it, or my partner would, but only for the child's sake if the child was upset, but I wouldn’t be impressed with this man.

Men need to be able to do all care for their children. I’d be ashamed of my partner if he couldn’t look after our children, as would he.

In my mind it’s ok for people to look for help and to see women as motherly figures.

Yes, but fathers should be able to do their children’s hair too. You don’t need to be a woman/mother figure to style long hair, that’s just sexist bollocks!

Aww I'd do it. It's kind of you op. Obviously you'd also be in your rights to refuse. It's a little odd but nothing that would make me think there was some kind of problem. Men can be like that sometimes and not really think.. I guess he just saw the next door neighbour was a woman, his daughter was crying about her hair being plaited and so he thought 'well she's a woman so she will know how to do it and she lives next door, I'll ask her'

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees

It's a bit weird that he expects a neighbour like yourself to support him in this way when he hardly knows you,
I would do it once show him how to, and tell about useful youtube videos..

He sounds very stressed and wanting to keep up their standards. You sound so lovely and this might be the beginning of a lovely friendship.

I don't think this is weird. Mum had cancer when I was 5 and was in and out of hospital a lot. Dad would take me to school with my hair down and someone's mum would plait it for me.
I think it's sweet that he thought he could ask you but if you've changed your mind, just say so.

I’d help but I’d be wary of entitlement. If it continued when mum is back, so his idea of taking a load off his wife is to offload to the nearest woman, I’d say firmly your daughter is delightful and I’ve been happy to help, but I do have to get to work in the mornings. You are a dad of a girl and need to learn to plait, there are plenty of YouTubes to help.

So plait done and child happy.

Father is much calmer now. Introduced himself properly this morning and I know all their names now.

Little girl arrives with hairbrush & hair ties and tells me where to start and how to make it tight. Dad apparently tried but "it was loose, he started in the wrong place and didn't look pretty!". Anyway I got it right & she's happy.

His wife's mum is coming when the baby is born and daughter will be staying with a school friend while he goes to the hospital. They think the baby might come earlier. Haven't all the derails but she was taken to hospital in an ambulance yesterday so think they all just got a fright.

You can tell he's been trying to reassure his daughter because she tells me mum is just tired because the baby was kicking alot so she couldn't sleep properly. Little girl also got extra bedtime stories last night. This dad is trying & just wants his daughter to be happy.

I also got a drawing of me & the little girl where we have plaits in our hair. Her mum told her I might like it.

Much happier to help now that I know her mum is aware and happy with it.

It’s odd that for you the issue is whether the mother is aware of and happy about you being asked to plait her child’s hair — why is that the key thing for you here?

I'm very conscious of being respectful to an ill mum about what's going on while she's in hospital.

I don't want to upset her or add to her difficulties in anyway. I'm sure she wants the best for her daughter & I've no idea if she would be happy her husband asking a stranger to do their daughter's hair.

If that makes me odd so be it.

It’s odd that for you the issue is whether the mother is aware of and happy about you being asked to plait her child’s hair — why is that the key thing for you here?

I'm guessing the OP was worried the mum on her return would ask "Why have you taken up plaiting my daughter's hair, you massive weirdo?" and then make this face😐when the OP tried to explain, and then the OP would be referred to forever as Plait Woman in the neighbour's house.

That's what I would have been worried about .