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Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
Elisi · 01/02/2024 19:15

Meh. You're clearly a familiar and trusted face, the poor guy's wife is in hospital and she's probably said 'If you're struggling, the lady at Number 9 has always been friendly, I'll be out soon'.

comeagainx · 01/02/2024 19:19

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees that is a lovely update.

To the people saying 'he should just put her hair in a pony tail' - if you don't know how to do it, even manoevering an elastic to do that is a big deal. I remember my friends brother (aged 28!!) delightedly showing us that he could put a hair in a pony tail because his girlfriend had taught him. It was like he was demonstrating that he'd just learned how to split an atom or something.

It's actually sweet that he was trying to find someone to help his daughter although there is a sexism element about it but it's not totally unwarranted. If you had ten people in front of you and you wanted help to do a little girl's hair, most of us picking blind would choose a woman with long hair rather than a man or a woman with short hair.

With any luck OP this might be a nice thing for you - form the basis of a future friendship with the neighbours and their child - if that's what you would like of course.

VivaciousRadish · 01/02/2024 19:21

I think it’s sweet. Maybe he needs someone to talk to. Maybe the little girl is worried sick about her mummy, and would like to at least have her hair normal

I was in hospital when my daughters were little, and my husband brought them in every evening. The state of their hair!! He’d obviously tried, but…

In the end a teacher who had a daughter in the same class as my youngest did their hair. Did she do it because she was a woman, and that’s her place, or did she do it to help out

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:22

VivaciousRadish · 01/02/2024 19:21

I think it’s sweet. Maybe he needs someone to talk to. Maybe the little girl is worried sick about her mummy, and would like to at least have her hair normal

I was in hospital when my daughters were little, and my husband brought them in every evening. The state of their hair!! He’d obviously tried, but…

In the end a teacher who had a daughter in the same class as my youngest did their hair. Did she do it because she was a woman, and that’s her place, or did she do it to help out

To help out, of course ❤️

Orangeoranges42 · 01/02/2024 19:25

I think it’a nice, it’s a kind thing to do and hopefully that’s it perhaps just keep an eye out that he doesn’t expect you to do anything else like childcare.

id make sure he’s always there when you’re doing the plait.

FusionChefGeoff · 01/02/2024 19:26

Dad has eyes, hands and access to the internet.

Fucking men

stayathomer · 01/02/2024 19:26

I find it really really really weird but I’ve only got boys so am in the same place as you op!!!

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:27

FusionChefGeoff · 01/02/2024 19:26

Dad has eyes, hands and access to the internet.

Fucking men

Fucking unhelpful neighbours......

twitchybum · 01/02/2024 19:27

I think it's sweet that he's trying to keep his daughter happy while mummy is away in hospital. She's clearly emotional about not having her mummy there to plait her hair and dad is trying to fix it. I don't think it's weird, I think more neighbours should be like this and communities would be so much nicer x

Switcher · 01/02/2024 19:27

Aaah love a happy ending! Heartwarming.

Stillnormal · 01/02/2024 19:28

I gave up reading the thread and just read your updates OP and it’s a really lovely story!!! It will have made all the difference in the world to the little girl to not be feeling physically wrong on top of anxiety about her mum - so fair play to you. I’m sure dad will have been reassured to have the support as well. Excellent neighbouring all round!

guineverehadgreeneyes · 01/02/2024 19:29

There are some weird comments here. Whatever happened to neighbourly kindness!

DillDanding · 01/02/2024 19:29

It’s completely weird. And what an utterly useless and feckless bloke. I’d actually murder my husband if he did this. But he wouldn’t as he’s not a lunkhead.

Wishbone436 · 01/02/2024 19:30

I haven’t read all the comments, there’s loads! But I think it is unusual he’s asked you as a total random to them, beside being a neighbour! My thinking is that he is panicking guben the situation & trying to give his daughter some normality, albeit by having her hair done. If you can, amazing!

Songbird54321 · 01/02/2024 19:32

My 6 year old won’t allow her dad to do her hair, she prefers the way I do it. On the rare occasion I haven’t been there to do it, he’s done his best but she’s gone straight to her teaching assistant and asked her to redo it.
She won’t allow me to cook her eggs and prefers his, so it’s not a case of sexism on her part.
I can’t imagine the dad’s first thought was to knock on a near stranger but more he tried and his daughter was having none of it. They can be strong willed little so and so’s on the oddest of things.

Moaning5 · 01/02/2024 19:34

I haven’t read all the thread but I don’t think it’s weird at all, he’s obviously really stressed and is thinking ahead - just plait her hair then come and do mine !

You sound so lovely btw.

PurpleWhirple · 01/02/2024 19:36

saffy2 · 01/02/2024 19:08

Literally can not believe how horrible people are on here. It’s literally disgusting 🙈
this thread really shows what’s wrong with society, when people find an sexist issue with a stressed dad asking a neighbour to do his daughters hair (for his daughters sake) when his wife and baby are in hospital poorly.
christ. This thread is fucking awful.

It's actually men who are fucking awful.

The vast majority of critical posters have said they would do it for the sake of the child, but it doesn't excuse the helpless fuckwittery of the dad.

Flamingos89 · 01/02/2024 19:41

I think it’s totally fine! He probably doesn’t want his little girl to go to school with bad hair whilst mum is away.

They definitely owe you some flowers though! You are being very neighbourly

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:42

DillDanding · 01/02/2024 19:29

It’s completely weird. And what an utterly useless and feckless bloke. I’d actually murder my husband if he did this. But he wouldn’t as he’s not a lunkhead.

You sound absolutely lovely and I bet your DH thanks his lucky stars everyday that he got you ❤️

Flamingos89 · 01/02/2024 19:43

Also I dont know why this is turning into a Dad bashing thread…. As women with mostly long hair we have been doing plaits and dealing with long hair since we were children! It would be a whole different world for a dad. Doesn’t make him a bad dad that he can’t do a plait

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:44

Oh maybe the DH has dyspraxia .....

Oh no he can't have he is a man, that would only be able to be considered if he was a woman.

bevm72yellow · 01/02/2024 19:44

a man outsourcing work . no good deed will go unpunished. wait for more favours to be asked seeing as you are obliging. I would do it once or twice then suggest a good alternative to the child.

tachetastic · 01/02/2024 19:45

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 01/02/2024 09:00

Plait 2 completed.

My partner raised a good point last night about what if the baby is overdue and then also has an extended time in hospital, do I really want to be tied to my apartment every morning for 6 weeks (I stay in his a lot couldn't do that). Anyway I got a little smarter.

Little one arrives this morning. I have my hair on a bun which she says us really cool (not sure but I'll take it!).

I asked if she wanted me to put hers in a bun too. Hesitant but ultimately decided no, a plait is best.

When I finished the plait, I asked if she want to see a cool hair trick. She agrees to a took the plait and wrapped it into a bun. She lovely it so I said, we'll leave it in a plait today but I'm going to show daddy how it can be a bun tomorrow or any day I'm not here.

In fairness to him, he watched and tried it twice and got the hang of it. So tomorrow Dad is going her hair. (Today's plait pinned into a bun).

She's doesn't need it done over weekend.
Monday we'll wait and see.
But she definitely wants a plait on Tuesday because it's PE day.

Incidentally, my partner scoffed at poor dad last night & said plaits are easy. Watched a YouTube video and got a demo from me and then balls it up several times. He's an engineer so fairly handy & vexed at himself that he couldn't manage it! Apparently, women have smaller hands which gives us an advantage 🤔

I'll still do her hair whenever she calls but it's nice to see dad getting to grips with a bun which she also seems to like.

To the cynics, there's no alterior motive here. The man simply cannot plait & watching my partner also try last night has really proven to me, it's not lack of effort, it just something some people struggle with.

If this turns to friendship, great, the more the merrier. As for babysitting & cleaning, I doubt it & would be wise to that immediately.

Mum is also doing much better.

I'm a dad of two beautiful DDs (now 14 and 13) (as well as two beautiful DSs (16 and 10).

I consider myself a master of all kinds of plaits, but I confess not once have I managed to do a bun that has lasted the day. I think you need to have super powers to do that successfully! 😂

Angelsrose · 01/02/2024 19:45

Just to say I think the op is kind and lovely! My Dad couldn't do my hair when I was a child either lol but wouldn't have asked the neighbours!! On the rare occasion my Mum wasn't there, it was either my sibling who had to step in (who is similar in age to me) or wild hair!

doilooklikeicare · 01/02/2024 19:45

bevm72yellow · 01/02/2024 19:44

a man outsourcing work . no good deed will go unpunished. wait for more favours to be asked seeing as you are obliging. I would do it once or twice then suggest a good alternative to the child.

I'd read the very few updates from the OP!

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