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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 01/02/2024 15:07

Hmmmmaybe · 30/01/2024 20:35

Of course he could learn to do it - he can’t be fucking bothered.

he’s just decided that you a RANDOM WOMAN WHO IS A STRANGER should do the Labour of looking after his own chilS because he chat be bothered

id do it because I’d it for the little girl - but that is why men get away with this shit

i would ask him lots of specific questions about why he is incapable of doing such a simple task

@Hmmmmaybe I'd email the link to a Youtube video

It sounds very odd. And how will the child get to school after you've plaited her hair, or are you on school drop off too?

I'd gladly help a neighbour, and every friendship has to start somewhere, but it's a bit off he's asking a stranger to do something that he could perfectly well do himself

ShortDaysLongNights · 01/02/2024 15:08

At that age, kids can't do their own hair. At least not neatly in plaits.
I actually think it's quite sweet he's asked you. I'd assume he has got a lot on at the moment and if he's anything like me, learning how to plait isn't a 5 minute thing. His daughter is probably really missing his mum and has been begging for the usual hair do.
I bet his wife is mortified he's asked you, but also very grateful if you could do it. I'd definitely sort my neighbour's kids hair out in a similar situation.

CroccyWoccy · 01/02/2024 15:21

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/02/2024 14:39

OP has already said that he's improving with her showing him. I find it hard to believe that he'd been trying for a long time, couldn't do it but is now suddenly making progress.

The most likely scenario is that it is his wife's job and it never occurred to him to learn how to do it himself. Hopefully it's at least a lesson learned, especially as he's now about to have two children.

Show quote history

God help me if anything ever happens to DH, in the first 24hours my DC will be distraught that I don’t know the Netflix password or how to load a new game on the Nintendo.

Men and women can have a fair division of household labour without both people being equally skilled at every task.

whatsmyname123 · 01/02/2024 15:22

I think it's a bit strange and he'd have no luck with me. I'm a boy mum and my hair is always in a mum bun 🤣.
I do think it's very nice of you to agree to help though, and maybe don't over think it. Maybe there'll feed your pets when your away next for example?
Being a good neighbour has kind of died in my experience, be nice if you could rely on yours and be friendly. If the mum does have a problem tell her to talk to her husband.

OrangeHoney · 01/02/2024 15:28

Haven't rtft its a bit weird but I would just suck it up for a few weeks now you've agreed.
I wouldn't do it as a long term thing.

OrangeHoney · 01/02/2024 15:29

Also maybe he's already tried to plait and just not very good at it/daughter upset hair not done properly just a thought.
It can be very time consuming.

Needmorelego · 01/02/2024 15:33

@CroccyWoccy thinking about it in my house I know how to set up the Nintendo Switch, Wii and DVD player and my husband doesn't.
He knows how the air fryer and the steam cleaner work and I don't.
Yes we would both figure it out eventually in a moment of crisis maybe not 😂

chrispychilli · 01/02/2024 15:35

I think it was a really nice thing to have done for that little girl and will have been a big help - at a similar time my DP struggled with my daughter's hair and her school teacher kindly refit it for her at school so she didn't feel silly. He tried - he really did- but it looked awful even the most basic style. I was so grateful to that teacher.

kittylion2 · 01/02/2024 15:37

You're a very kind neighbour - especially to think about the little girl not feeling left out.

I am hopeless with hair styles. I can just about plait hair, but can't put my own in a bun or French plait. I'm just too cack-handed, and I would have loved a French plait at various stages of my life too.

I noticed on FB that my local Men's Sheds had a session recently for Dads and daughters. It was run by a local hairdresser to teach Dads how to do their daughters' hair. Don't know if it was sexist, but at the time I thought it was a lovely idea - there were some lovely photos too.

saffy2 · 01/02/2024 15:38

I think this is fine and I would also agree, and I can see my partner asking our neighbour something like this in that situation, although we do know our neighbour.y daughter is 5 and no she can’t do her hair herself. I imagine my partner would probably just scrape it into a pony, but he knows I prefer it plaited to avoid nits.
i don’t think this is anything weird except he’s stressed and could use a hand.

saffy2 · 01/02/2024 15:45

I’m surprised people have turned this into a man vs woman thing, why would anyone ask a man to do this when predominantly they have short hair or have long hair but don’t plait it?! I would expect someone to ask me because I have long hair and I plait it most days and my daughters hair is often plaited too.
and the reason my partner can’t plait and hasn’t learnt is because he has short hair, and our daughter only started school in September (before that I didn’t plait it much) and he has already set off for work when she gets up…would others get her up earlier just do he can attempt to plait it?! So he hasn’t had the opportunity to learn. If I was in hospital he would manage the best he can, but he would not magically be able to plait!! It’s not easy!!!

glittereyelash · 01/02/2024 15:50

My brother is a single parent and his neighbour helps him with plaiting and styling his daughters hair. He tries his best but my neice isn't very impressed with his efforts! If you are comfortable to help then it would be a nice gesture. If not suggest a ponytail or bunches.

LanaL · 01/02/2024 15:53

Oh I feel sorry for the dad , bless him! The little girl probably likes having her hair done nice , it’s probably something mom does all the time and dad is trying to keep normality . I think you’re doing a really nice thing , taking a bit of stress from dad at a difficult time and keeping normality for the little girl . I would think mom would be touched that you are doing it for her and probably also touched that dad is trying to keep her looking nice whilst she can’t do it .

I don’t think it’s weird - he’s probably just thought as you are pleasant to each other and you’re next door then there is no harm in asking . At first I thought you were going to say he has asked you to look after her as that would have been odd as you don’t know them that well but if dads with her and you’re just plaiting her hair I don’t think it’s weird . You’re doing a lovely thing for them .

I did lol at “ can’t she do it herself “ 🤣 try have a peek at what her hair is like after a day at school !

billycat321 · 01/02/2024 15:57

left over middle
right over middle

princesssparkle9985 · 01/02/2024 16:04

OP I just wanted to say that I think you have done a small thing that this little girl will remember because you gave her some normality and ritual at an anxious time. It’s funny how we say things like “it takes a village” but when someone does something a little different we are suspicious! I would love if community worked like this naturally and I’m sure if you couldn’t do it one day it would have been ok. You’re lovely!

SecondChancesAtLife · 01/02/2024 16:07

Awww 😢

It is a little strange but you’ve done the right thing saying yes op - I’d have done the same. In fact, I’d love to braid a little girls hair now mine are all grown up! Send her to me 😂

tolerable · 01/02/2024 16:24

awwww! hes problem solving. Whilst-is certainly a weird request, if you can and your willing to-its actually quite sweet. shes used to it get done every morning. awww

TheFormidableMrsC · 01/02/2024 16:28

I think you're really kind to help him out and I would do the same.

Notalwaysthismean · 01/02/2024 16:47

I’d be happy to do it. The dad is probably just trying to keep everything as normal for his dd as possible. Lovely to be able to something so simple to help out a neighbour. Now you can get to know them a bit better (if that’s something you’d like) and it’s always good to be on good terms with people who live so near to you.

WonderingWanda · 01/02/2024 16:48

He sounds fucking useless, it's not hard to brush hair and put it in a pony tail. I wouldn't be surprised if can you just plait her hair turns into, can you just drop her to school / give her tea / look after her.

Not weird to seek help from a neighbour in an emergency but I don't think plating hair counts as one.

Lallie87 · 01/02/2024 16:49

Wouldn’t bother me at all - I’d hope one of my neighbours would do the same for my daughter if needed (who has had one or two French plaits every day since starting school!) But like I said, my daughter always has plaits so any neighbours who see her would know that I’m good at plaiting - possibly a bit random if they don’t really know you at all!

cheesehouse · 01/02/2024 16:49

I'd get him to open the Youtube app on his phone and type in "how to plait". There are even Youtube Shorts under a minute if he's that busy.

RafaFan · 01/02/2024 16:50

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/01/2024 12:56

No. I can change my own tyre.

Show quote history

I too know how to change a tyre, but I can't do the first step in the process - loosening the wheel nuts without a power tool. Just don't have the physical strength for it, despite being a fit and active person myself. My husband, or any other reasonably fit man, likely would be able to do it manually at the side of the road though. So yes, I probably would ask a random man to help with that step if I had to.

DiamondGazette · 01/02/2024 16:50

I'm glad the plait girl now has a baby sister. How lovely. I bet plait dad will be a professional when the new baby's hair is long enough for plaits!

HalebiHabibti · 01/02/2024 16:51

I do sense that he might have panicked and sought out the nearest kind-seeming woman, but also think it is sweet that he cared enough to do so - many stressed dads would be saying 'Well tough, no plait for you' and leaving it at that.

It was kind of you to help OP, and it will always be a funny story about how you got to know them.

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