Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

Simple really.
Their money, their choice. If you don't like it, hard luck.

We are three sisters one very wealthy two ok. Parents wanted equal split.
we are all pensioners. Rich sister is child free and has refused her share. Does not need or want the money or any more inheritance tax liability. We are not young.The money would not change the life of the richest.
Money being split two ways for other two and to be shared with the grown next generation.
understand the brother, but glad my sister is unselfish and has put others in the family before herself. We are not needy but the money will be welcome.

Your sister sounds a good person, you must all be proud of her.

So your sister gets a house, your older brother gets a weekend break, and the petty criminal gets his rent paid for the rest of his life. Sounds like a genius split, very likely to keep the kids bonded long after the parents are gone.

I'm in a sort of similar situation although it's my decision rather than my parents. I'm financially secure my DB isn't so if there is an inheritance he can have it all.

What a bizarre take!

Theres ten years between me and my sister. When I was growing up my dad was mostly out of work or in low paid work. He took on additional qualifications when I was about eleven, after she was born. This enabled him to get a well paid job and he moved quickly up the ladder. By the time I’d left home he was doing well and my sister was still young. They lived so much more comfortably than when I was growing up (I don’t have any issue with this by the way)

But going on your theory, even though she was the one that got Florida holidays to my camping, a brand new bike to my no bike and uni fees paid for when I lived on a combination of loans, I would be less deserving?

It should be 25% to each child. Anything different is unreasonable regardless of set ups. No matter what your parents think, it does show who you love and value the most and those that receive less will feel that they are loved and valued less than their siblings.

It really depends on the split and how much the estate was worth.

If it's a moderate sized estate (eg a standard family home and some cash) and they've just left your sister an extra £20k for a house deposit and you all get a decent chunk as well, that's not worth getting upset over.

If it's been split 50-40-10 then I can see why your brother is upset even if it's a huge estate.

It makes short term sense but can fall apart in the medium/long term which is why I disagree with it. Health issues. Career problems. Divorce. All possible for any of the siblings in the not too distant future which could change financial circumstances overnight. Unless there have been significant family issues in the past I think it's dangerous to stray from equal splits.

I agree with the sentiment of your parents but I think the fair way is to split equally.
However, please be aware that you may end up like me and my brother with no inheritance due to care home fees for both parents after sudden decline in both parents health in quick succession.

I guess your brother feels like he's losing out for having worked hard and made good decisions, but I do think that this is probably the fairest way.
You mention you'll have enough for a nice holiday, so how much is your brother going to get?...
I mean, a bit of a slap in the face if there's enough to:
Buy a house for DS and a financial buffer
Buy a flat for DB (albeit in someone else's name) to live in.
A nice holiday for you.
...maybe a sofa for your brother sort of thing, I'd see why he would be upset.

What seems fairest in the situation is maybe if there's provision for less well off brother to have a roof over his head whilst he's alive maybe that property could be split into you and better off brothers names so you have something substantial too, even if passed to your children, as DS children will have had the benefit of her mortgage free years of earning, and the eventual inheritance of her home.

But the difference is that your parents treated all three of you equally, and then your sister gave it away, as is her choice.
Split equally says we love you all equally. Anything else is asking for family fall outs.

@Troublesome3 that is a major problem for some people!! it implies that some children are not as favoured as others and will be the source of major discontent if parents do this!! on their own head be it!! all children should be treated equally!

This is why I like no wills as it simply falls to the law of probate

This is exactly why my much older DD will receive more in inheritance than my much younger boys.
DDs earlier years were significantly harder than the life than the boys will always know.

Really nice gesture your sister has made to her nieces and nephews too. She has no children herself, but the extra wealth you get will also enrich the next generation. Really lovely

Your parents sound very sensible and have done what they think will be fair and most beneficial of their hard earned cash. Well done to them.

If your wealthy brother is going to kick up a stink, then I hope your parents see fit to donate his share to a worthwhile charity who would clearly appreciate the money much more than he would.

Saying that, sometimes ill health can mean huge healthcare bills, so there might be nothing to distribute.

@Troublesome3 I would get enough to probably take a holiday 😅 well that shows how little she thinks of you then doesnt it?

Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo)

You don't have a really cool Instagram account do you??? There's a really cool woman who's got amazing make up who's a forensic.

If a wealthy, mortgage free child of mine resented my providing some extra help to their public service working sibling who was struggling after DV, or their disabled nephew, or the sibling with mental health issues then I would consider I had failed miserably as a parent.

Presumably he equates love with money, like all the "its only fair to split equally" posters.

Life isn't fair. None of who do well do it entirely on our own and as a result of our own virtues. We have a bit of luck and support along the way - be that supportive parents, a supportive spouse, healthy and relatively fortunate lives or we made choices to prioritise the top paying jobs rather than lower paid but socially valuable work.

Equal splits is only fair if all are on an equal footing when the will is made. Which is also why wills should be reviewed regularly if circumstances change.

No one has a right to an inheritance and everyone has the right to leave their money in the way they choose. However, if my siblings got a greater share of any inheritance from parents, I would be spitting.

The mistake is discussing it before you die. It’s a little like announcing a baby name. If you tell people before the baby arrives they believe they have the opportunity to change the outcome.

Is it though? I find it a bit surprising that so many people are happy to die knowing they've left a festering mess of resentment behind them, wrecked their kids' relationships with each other, ruined any chance of them remembering their parents fondly, but just think 'fuck it, I'm dead, what do I care?'

He didn't make a virtuous decision to benefit from an inheritance sufficient to buy a family house - he was lucky. His reward for chasing the high money job rather than the socially useful job is the substantial income.

If with all those benefits he resents his less fortunate siblings having a chance at some security then he could take a lesson from his parents.

This is all that needs to be said.