To think giving me one day a week actually isn’t ok?? Or AIBU?

[wpur]

DH works away in the week and on Saturdays he has to do ‘admin.’ He is high up in the NHS and prior to having dd he did always work Saturdays in his office room in our house. I wouldn’t see him pretty much all day.

Since having dd he had to relocate for work, this was not his fault and he has taken the best job he can. It is not possible for him to come home in the week, it’s too far and would be pointless anyway as dd is long in bed before he gets back. No point me relocating with him as I have all my family nearby and his contact is only fixed for 9 months… then the search will begin again for another job.

He has started coming home late Saturday night (after dd is in bed) and then staying all day Sunday until she has gone to bed. He relocated for work when she was 6 months and she’s now 17 months. I am sick of doing everything alone. He has said I can take the entire day on a Sunday to myself, either go out alone or we all go out as a family, or he will do entertain her all day while I am in the house doing my own thing etc.

I feel like this is unacceptable and he should be back late Friday night to help on Saturdays too. He says it is pointless as he can’t avoid the Saturday admin work and he would just have to do it when back at home and it would take him longer to get through it. He thinks giving me a day to myself a week is sufficient in the circumstances. AIBU? I am so fed up and angry that I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.

She doesn’t say she works FT.

I definitely think he should try and be doing portions of the admin work during week, just so that frees up even a few hours on Saturday to have some quality family time.

She is coming in to a slightly more demanding age now aswell and will be here there and everywhere, so I expect you are feeling that a bit too.

I think it would be a good idea to sit together and make a plan for his next job that fits in with family a bit better.

They really are only small for so long, and it would be sad for him and her to not make the most of this time to bond.

Before you know it, she'll be in school. It really is such a beautiful little age to cherish and make wonderful memories.

No, not you. It was @thesurrealist, her post at 13:43 on 29 Jan. She is a senior manager without clinical responsibilities

If he is a bona fide workaholic then that’s a genuine problem. The clue is in the ‘aholic’ and like every other addiction it is corrosive, all-consuming and not compatible with a happy family life.

Ambition and work ethic are really admirable qualities but when it veers into problematic territory it means that there is essentially a third entity in your marriage.

I’m not sure if you used the term glibly or not but if you’re pretty sure that he is then you both need to tackle it together head-on as it’s not simply going to right itself. Try and work together on having very clearly defined family time without any interference or interruptions and stick to that rigidly.

@Heather37231 I agree with you. I don't doubt they're over worked, but don't believe that volume of emails

Sounds like you’re hassling him unjustly. I would spend the bit of time I have when he’s there enjoying his company, not complaining. You said that you are near family; doesn’t that help? You have it better than your husband. He has to work hard all week and then spend hours on the road, to come home to a nagging wife. Try to enjoy your life

“Women! Know your place!”

He has to work hard all week

For the 15th time, OP works. While she hasn't specified how hard exactly, she works. Plus takes care of her toddler 6 days and nights per week.

Even low down managers work late, the higher up you go it is expected to work till 9pm most nights. It just becomes ‘normal’ within management field. Not sure I have ever met a manager that went straight home like clinical staff.

For pity’s sake the man is working six days a week,which you’ve always known ,and you expect him to work a seventh.Poor bloke

Wouldn’t it be better to arrange childcare for Sunday (maybe a part-time nanny) so you can both have some down time. It’s pretty obvious he needs to recharge his batteries too.

@pineapplesundae

how does one try to enjoy their life? Any tips?

I think it sounds fair. When does your husband get any down time OP?

Every evening because if he was spending them catching up on his admin for the day he wouldn't be spending Saturday doing it.

Not a solution but I don’t think anyone should be working like this, it’s totally unreasonable and unhealthy. What if he just worked less? It’s only a contract what are they going to do? And look for something with better balance next.

I'm sure you've posted about this a few times before, yanbu to be fed up with it all but you both need a serious talk about finding a solution.

And If he doesn't have the time in the week?

surely if he is so important he will have a Secretary for Admin, whatever that entails,

@whatsappdoc No, it's quite possible that he's doing clinical work + admin in the evenings as well. Honestly, people have no idea at all what it's like.

@misteek That's hilarious. There is never enough admin staff. There's also a lot of admin - like clinical letters etc - that can only be done by a clinician.

@ChampagneLassie If he works less, potentially something gets missed and someone dies. This includes the admin.

If he upsets someone, it can be really hard to get another job. Because the jobs are so specialised, suitable ones don't come up very often. If you are a hand orthopedic surgeon, for instance, they won't take you if they are looking for a spine othopedic surgeon. It's also a very small world, and everybody knows everybody.

love the idea of OP giving a work performance review and assessment of her DH 🤣

How on earth so you come to that conclusion? He is going out and providing for his family, please go and take a walk into your local a&e and have a look at the state the NHS is in!!! It's absolutely on its arse and so are the staff. It's actually disgusting the amount of naive people that are on this thread coming out with the shit that they are, eyes totally closed as to what's going on in the NHS, it's actually scary that some of these people are allowed to vote!

Bless - and lucky you!

There are some breathtakingly naive posts on this thread - like, oh, he should just speak to his supervisor or just do his hours or do the admin in the evenings after clocking off at 5pm