DH and the breast milk saga

[MilkyBadBoy]

DD2 is 10 weeks old and EBF. Yesterday I left DH with her and DD1 who is two, for and hour whilst I popped out. DD2 had not long been fed but I left DH with a frozen pouch of breast milk just in case, and two deconstructed sterilised bottles in the steriliser.

After 25 mins I got a call to ask whether the condensation in the sterilised bottles had chemicals in that needed rinsing out before pouring the defrosted milk in and I explained that no, you don’t rinse sterilised bottles and you also touch as little as possible- certainly not the teat. (Remember, we covered this in NCT class with DD1’, ‘Yeh yeh yeh, ok.’)

DD1 disliked the bottle so DH didn’t get much practice first time around but not for lack of trying- at least 20 or 30 occasions of him having to prepare the bottle of breast milk from frozen whilst I popped out.

When I got back, DD2 was asleep but the bottle was still full, on the side and DH explained that she’d fallen back asleep before he’d had a chance to offer it to her anyway. Ok, not a problem. But, he said, DD1 had touched the teat, so it wasn’t sterile any longer. I looked over and saw there was no lid on the bottle, he’d just left it out in the open. He said he didn’t use lids. I explained that you have to use the lid to keep it sterile and obviously curious DD1 would touch it otherwise if she saw it on the table. ‘Yeh yeh yeh, ok’.

So we go together to the steriliser and I walk him through putting the other bottle together, transferring the milk, not touching the teat and putting on the lid. Fine.

In the meantime DD2 wakes up so he had a chance to try again, which he did. He promptly poured a full 80ml bottle all over himself and her because he hadn’t actually fully tightened the lid. Disaster, much swearing. Then he says ‘wow it’s hot’. Didn’t you test the temp rather on your wrist?’ ‘Huh? No.’

!!!!!!

Luckily not scalding but I was pretty annoyed by this point. Full outfit chance for both required, with him asking ‘where do we keep her clothes?’ (Erm, where we have kept them for the last ten weeks, right by the changing mat, which we use about ten times a day?!)

I calm down, go into the kitchen to clear up the absolute disaster zone that has developed in the whole hour I’ve been out of the house. I pick up the empty milk pouch to throw it in the bin (just discarded on the side). It hasn’t been cut. He’s just reopened the seal and poured the milk out over the unsterilised opening, straight into the bottle.

Thankfully none of the milk ended up being drunk in the end, but I can count 5 unacceptable ‘no no’s here.

YANBU= Weaponised incompetence at its finest
YABU= Mea culpa, I should have delivered a full detailed walk through and left an instructional video before I attempted to leave the house

(PS, no I won’t be LTB, so please save your breath)

Is he effing joking?

YANBU. The weaponised incompetence is strong with this one.

Have you discussed weaponised incompetence with him? Might be time for a cuppa and a "Little Chat".

Good luck.

Try not to worry, we didn't sterilise at all, just threw it all in the dishwasher on a hot wash! My kids are never ill!

This post made me belly laugh OP!!

You sound exactly like me when we had our first DS! By the 3rd DS, DH was a lot more confident than the first, but he still had bits he struggled with.

Men are so cack handed when dealing with small babies and usually get more confident the older they get - poor sods! Dont hold it against him, lol he is literally doing his best and chances are he was so worried about holding her correctly and being overly careful it just went wrong, bless his cotton shirt!

Where would they be without us OP!! LOL i dont mean to laugh but it brings back so many memories for me because i was exactly like you once upon a time - the way my DH would always get sprayed riiiight between the eyes with warm pee every single time he done a nappy change Is what i think i miss the most - he only learnt after our 3rd DS!! Absolute commedy i tell you but at the time I was livvid as i had to re wash and re wash and re wash everything 😅😅😅

It gets easier and yes, he would probably feel more confident with you guiding him through step by step

Bless you all OP

Apart from not knowing where the clothes are, this is all so over the top. You don’t have to be this fussy over everything being sterile with breast milk. I never once cut the milk pouch, always just opened (the resealable
bit, clue there) and poured.

You don’t need to sterilise breast milk bottles. It’s the bugs in cow milk formula that can cause nasties and why formula bottles need to be sterilised. Breast milk is sterile. Just washing bm bottles is fine. I’m a breastfeeding counsellor. Your dd1 will be touching baby all the time it’s fine for her to touch the bottle just wash it if she’s got dirty hands.

he should know where the clothes are though.

With kindness I think you are being a bit OTT. There are parts of your process that I don't recognise as being necessary despite being a mother of two, and things that you say are important which I had totally forgotten about too. I know it's hard to relax when they are so young and seem so fragile, but cut your OH some slack on the bottle prep and talk him through it next time you go out. On the clothes issue, there's less of an excuse though unless he was just in a panic!

I acted as a stay-at-home dad after my wife went back to work. I did that for about 6 months before we switched roles. I can't emphasize enough that THIS STUFF IS IMPORTANT! Getting it wrong can lead to all kinds of issues. Ickle babies are not in any position to deal with stray germs, and they certainly don't need to be fed scalding milk.

I'm a little bemused and more than a little annoyed that DH isn't taking this stuff as seriously as he should. It's almost as though he's messing up to get out of doing it or being made responsible.

Breast milk is sterile. It can be out in a bottle 6 hrs at room temperature, 6 days back of fridge and six months in the freezer. The op is mixing information from formula feeding with breast feeding. Be kind to each other, sleep deprivation is the cause of these issues.

You don’t need to sterilise breast milk bottles. It’s the bugs in cow milk formula that can cause nasties and why formula bottles need to be sterilised. Breast milk is sterile. Just washing bm bottles is fine. I’m a breastfeeding counsellor.

Breastmilk is not sterile - I don't know why people are repeating this when a Google search will show that it's not true. I am not a fan of OTT paranoia about hygiene, but bits of breastmilk stuck in crevices and corners of baby bottles can decay and make your baby sick - the antimicrobial elements in milk are useful but only delay the growth of bacteria. Hence, sanitizing bottles by washing them in a dishwasher that washes at a high temperature OR (if hand washing bottles) scalding them with boiling water etc. is essential - and washing needs to be really thorough. Ditto pumps.

I can’t believe the number of people saying you don’t need to sterilise bottles for breast milk? The NHS definitely advises sterilising bottles, equipment and pumps even for breast milk. It’s sterile when it comes out but not old milk that maybe hasn’t quite been washed off. Concerning!

We worked really closely with a lactation specialist and a pediatrician when we had dd because she was slow to gain weight. At first we had to sterilize everything like crazy, by 2 weeks, we only had to sterilize pump parts once a day.

by 10 weeks we were definitely allowed to calm down a bit. Definitely wash and run things through the sterilizer, but the world isn’t going to end if a sibling touches a nipple or even helps give baby the bottle.

@MilkyBadBoy you do need to sterilise things with bf. Everyone has natural skin bacteria (flora) and milk is a perfect substance for these bacteria to grow in as it is very nutrient dense. Some people carry Staph aureus naturally which could cause infection if it multiplies in the milk. Please don’t listen to anyone who says you don’t need to sterilise. I’ve done breast milk testing as part of my job.

that said- with kindness I thing YABU with the teat thing and the side of the pouch. You aren’t going to have sterile conditions. Once milk is out of fridge you have so long before you need to ditch it - that’s to prevent bacterial overgrowth. So if the baby drinks from the bottle but stops- you only have an hour to use the rest or ditch it. Again coz baby’s saliva could be in contact with the milk and we all have mouth bacteria.

following basic safety rules of washing hands before making up bottles, washing bottles after use and sterilising them, then refrigeration of breast milk in time your baby should be ok. Worrying about edges of packets is a bit much as the guidelines of how long milk can be out of the fridge cover you . Congrats on your baby :)

Oh dear!

Not only are you very patronising to your dear husband but you’re also here trying to patronise people on MN, by saying water bath and then going on to explain what it is!!
How I feel for your poor husband, be grateful he’s happy to have time on his own with his children and let you go out child free!!

I don’t see how op explaining about the water bath is patronising at all! Also, her husband ‘letting’ her out (wtf) and looking after the children is the bare minimum of being a parent, not exactly something to fall on your knees in gratefulness for!

Dont worry. Most people are fairly competent and even with fathers the population has survived for a couple of thousand years. They didn't always know about sterilisation techniques.

Agree the sterilising routine is OTT. Even though we FF, we just wash in hot soapy water and then sterilise in the microwave bags, I don’t worry about touching the teat as long as my hands have been washed recently and I don’t worry about storing with a lid on or in an airtight box and then used within X amount of time. It’s just ridiculous the lengths we could end up going to.

It is annoying when men seem to just lose information out their heads though, we would never forget how to put a bottle together or not check milk temp. It’s so frustrating but I genuinely think mothers just absorb this as vital info and it sticks, men seem to only retain it for as long as the task is completed and then it’s gone. Try not to take it personally and just consider it in their genes!

If you're successfully breastfeeding, the steriliser is a waste of money. Wash everything in hot soapy water and wash your hands before handling bottles. There's nothing else you need to do.

As for the temperature of the breastmilk, if it's frozen just thaw the bag in warm water before putting in the bottle. It can't possibly be too hot if you do this.

This is all the information you and your husband need to know. All this extra faff is just stress inducing when everyone is tired.

I think you should apologise to him and strip the bottle feeding ritual right back.

I'm getting Dettol baby vibes

I am not a fan of OTT paranoia about hygiene, but bits of breastmilk stuck in crevices and corners of baby bottles can decay and make your baby sick - the antimicrobial elements in milk are useful but only delay the growth of bacteria.

Sterilising doesn't magically remove old milk whether BF or FF though. The hot soapy water does. Then the sterile BF milk goes into a clean bottle, no need to sterilise.

It’s the formula that’s not sterile that why boiling water is added . This is why perfect prep machines area bad idea and lots of babies get stomach issues. A good scrub in the sink then air drying will be fine for breast milk . Any spare is a lovely treat for your skin in the bath .

I fully understand about the hot milk and big mess. However i think you are being a bit paranoid about touching the teat. Our nipples are not sterile. Our babies touch us and then put their unsterile hands in their mouths. I'm not totally clued up on bottles because my DD didn't like them, but I do think you sound a bit OTT

The initial shot of very hot water in the Prep mixes with the formula and steriles it then the cold water to cool

I was not this careful with any of my kids.

The NHS website recommends to sterilise all baby feeding equipment up to 12 months, regardless if you formula feed or express breast milk. I think it's fine what you are doing.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding/sterilising-baby-bottles/#:~:text=Sterilising%20by%20boiling&text=Boil%20the%20feeding%20equipment%20in,damaged%20faster%20with%20this%20method.

The situation seems to be a combination of making a mistake (spilling milk), not knowing (cutting pouch), and being a bit of a prat (he should know how to make a bottle without you telling him). If your DD has dirty hands then I can see why you wouldn't want her to touch the teat. The pouch cutting seems a bit OTT, I have not come across that before and never did that. You have shown him how to make a bottle, leave him to it now. If he asks a stupid question, claim you're too busy/tired/forgotten and point him in the direction where he can find that info (speaking from experience with my DH who seems to think I am google).

You're sounding very OCD and anxiety driven, OP. You need to take a breather, take a step back - Kids inhale, come into contact, touch things, lock things etc that are far worse than a touched teat (I cannot say that without giggling childishly. So help me!) You are going to burn yourself out at this rate and not allowing baby to come into contact with -any- bacteria is going to cause more harm than good. There is good and bad bacteria, both are needed to make for a strong immune system.

Also, it's really only formula where you need to give everything a good clean. Does baby latch on? You will have bacteria on your skin no matter how cleanly you are - Both good and bad. Your breastmilk, however, will be sterile and filled with amazing bacteria and healing enzymes, enzymes which are also passed to baby from your skin! So baby is already getting everything they need from you.

Try not to stress - Hubby isn't doing anything maliciously and DD1&2 came out of the same bacteria laden vagina/stomach, so DD1 touching the teat isn't really going to cause any illness/harm.