Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

When my grandmother died her jewellery went to her daughter, 5 granddaughters and 3 great granddaughters. When DH grandmother died it went to her daughter only.

My DMIL has already told me that I will get her jewellery but DMIL has no daughters and knows I will treasure it and not flog it at the first opportunity.

Thank you :)

I would say it goes to direct daughters and granddaughters if any. As a DIL, I would never assume I it would go to me.

It's outrageous that the DIL's are 'up in arms', really shows their true character and I would definitely not be allowing them any the CF's!

My mum gave my grans jewellery to my 2 sisters and nothing to me. Quite hurtful but there you go. People can pass things down to whoever they want.

After my grandmother died we got together in person to choose which items of jewellery we wanted. There were four granddaughters, and then we encouraged the one granddaughter-in-law to choose a few things for herself too. But she did not expect and we felt no imperative to offer: it just seemed like a nice thing to pass a little heirloom on from our grandmother to her, and acknowledge her as part of the family.
(luckily we are quite a low-drama harmonious bunch and none of the jewellery was disproportionately more valuable/sentimental so we knew we could divvy it up calmly, and in fact it was a very nice afternoon reminiscing)

I don't think the DILs should automatically be in line for an equal share with the daughters. It might be nice for them to choose something, at your discretion, because presumably they had a relationship with the mum too, but the daughters choose first and most.

I got most of my mums jewellery. I did ask my brothers to choose things for their wives. She didn't have a great deal of value.
When my nice was born 4 years later as part of her Christening present I gave her Mum's gold charm bracelet. It had a great deal of sentimental value and would be worth a quite a bit just for the gold.it was my favourite piece but I think that's what my mum would have wanted.

In my family, when a larger estate was dispersed many items were named for individuals. This included daughters, granddaughters and also daughters in law.

Having recently be involved with something similar (albeit from a distance), I think it’s fairest to share between all the children, whether male or female. Then the sons can choose what to do with their share.

I’d love to know where was all the sharing when the sons were dividing up their dads Omegas and Rolex’s 🧐🧐🧐

Officially? Entire estate split equally between children (assuming no spouse), so jewellery gets split between sons and daughters. Sons can then choose whether to give the jewellery to their wives or daughters.

I am a DIL and when my MIL died I never expected anything. I'm not flesh and blood. All her jewellery went to my SIL and some other close female relatives (DH will get anything of his fathers when he dies). I was then given the option by my FIL to choose something out of what remained, which I was very surprised by and quite touched.

In OP's case, if the father's jewellery only went to the sons, then I think it's right that the mum's jewellery only goes to the daughters.

Unless the son's are going to turn the clock back and give some of the father's jewellery back to the Son in laws!

My MIL only has boys but I wouldn't expect any of her jewellery - I'd see it go to her granddaughter, sister or closest friend before me.

But sorry yes, would expect it to be split between children regardless of sex and then men can pass on to children/relatives if they wish.

I would definitely say only the daughters, and not DIL!!

If the daughters wanted to, then possibly granddaughters aswell if they were unlikely to inherit anything of their grandmother's further down the line.

The only time I'd think appropriate for dil to receive something would be if the mil and dil were exceptionally close. Otherwise definitely only daughters and granddaughters.

When my MIL died I fully expected all her jewellery to go to her daughter and granddaughter. However they were kind enough to ask me if there was anything I’d like to have. I’d bought her a necklace that she wore often and I’m delighted to have it to remember her by. I certainly wouldn’t have been “up in arms” if I had got nothing though!

If you mean in law when there isn't a Will, belongings go to the spouse but if there is no spouse it gets split equally between the children. It isn't gender/sex specific. The sons have equal rights. This is probably why the DIL are annoyed - they know some of it is supposed to go to their husbands.

Then even more reason the jewellery goes to daughters only.

I'd just give everything to the daughters and let the family deal with it amongst themselves, if there is fall out. You have nothing to gain from getting very into the weeds with this.

I am white, British/Yank. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule about this, in fairness, but direct to blood daughters/grand daughters is how it would work in my family.

That said, I know women who have been given engagement rings from their DH's families (sometimes with mixed enthusiasm!)

In "the old days" there used to be an understanding that jewelry given by the husband's family to the DIL stayed with the family in the event they parted. I'd venture these women would take the view that 'a gift's a gift', lol.

DH and I have daughters, my SIL isn't into jewelry and has no children. DMIL would know that I'd never, ever sell something related to the family that she gave to me and wanted the girls to have and I'd be sure my daughters understood how precious they were. I'd be a safe pair of hands. She's not into jewelry tho!

Hadn’t really thought about it, but all my grandmas jewellery went to my aunt as the oldest daughter. My mum got nothing.

How lovely that you and she are so close. I wish my Mil felt like that about me !
My Mum’s jewellery all came to me, I think if she’d had a dil she was close to, she might have liked her to have had something , but that wasn’t the case, my db has only married since my Mum died. She didn’t wear much jewellery so there isn’t a lot but it will all go to my daughters.
My MIl has some incredible pieces of jewellery, and I assume they will all go to her dd, but possibly she might leave something to her granddaughters. I definitely don’t think she would leave me anything, or leave anything to DH.

Daughters. Not DILs.

Daughter-in-laws "up in arms" - also, for crying out loud, especially since their husbands have already inherited from the father. I reckon they are only doing this, @DeathNote11 because you're a friend and not family they may feel they have to deal with on an ongoing basis after everything is wrapped up. So what do they have to lose from being rude/aggressive with you?

When my DH’s grandmother died who had some beautiful jewellery, the jewellery box was passed around the female members of the family for everyone to take something to remember her by.

It was passed around privately, in order of familial closeness. So her daughter took what she wanted, then granddaughter, then me, then my daughter.

I thought that was a lovely way to do it.

If there is no will, then legally it should be divided amoung the children. However, as the sons had the father’s watches etc, morally it should just be given to the daughters.
What role do you have in this? Are you an executor? Were any of these things left to you? If you have any say I would just divide it between the daughters.
I cannot believe how grabby the DILs are! A aunt of mine died who had 4 children, 3 daughters and a son. The son sorted out the will with a little help from his wife. The wife (DIL) sorted out the Jewlry for her husband’s sisters. She did not take anything for herself.

Traditionally for white British it goes to daughters (and potentially any grand daughters which isn't the case here).

Your DIL need to wind their necks in tbh!
All my mums jewellery will be left to me with the instruction that certain pieces go to my Niece once she's 21.

Both sets of Grandmother's left jewellery to their daughters with the instructions of certain pieces to myself and my female cousin etc etc.