Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

My Mums jewellery all came to me (Dad was still alive at that time but terminally ill himself). I offered my sister in law anything she was attached to and she had a couple of things. My daughter also had a necklace she loves. Not sure if any of it is valuable although some is very old (already passed down to Mum). It’s the sentimental side for me though. There is some eighties costume jewellery that makes me happy but I’d have to pay someone to take away!

And I disagree female jewellery needs to be distributed to the son for giving away if he so wishes (and vice versa for male jewellery to the daughters). These are family heirlooms meant to go the family members that can wear them.

It can be made fair overal by giving the son more of something else.

The DILs have nothing to see in the entire story, of course. The cheek.

Do your brothers share the same father as you? If not they might be thinking you will get a watch or whatever from your father. The wording makes it sound (to me) like it's not your father 'their father'

If it's the same father, then I think that's fair enough jewelry just goes to DDs only

That's the way it worked in my family when my grandparents died. Again nothing was high value but it was just split between uncles for GF and aunts for GM

Surely this depends on your family? When my grandmother died her jewellery was shared between her daughter (my mother), me and my SIL.

When my mother dies her jewellery will be shared between myself and my brother and SIL.

We’re all really close and I wouldn’t demand jewellery over them just because they’re male/not blood related. I’d see it as we all get equal share and I know they’d feel the same. My SIL wouldn’t expect anything at all but she’s super close to my mum and I know my mum would want her involved.

So in my opinion it depends on:
a) the wants of the DM
b) how close everyone is
c) how grabby people are

I assume there is no will so by law it’s shared equally between all children. So maybe daughters share jewellery (or at least have a chance of the first choice) and the cost is deducted from their general estate share.

It isn't the OP's mother who has died, it's her friend.

Definitely daughters if there are any. Otherwise grand-daughters as the default, with DILs being included if close to the deceased.

Family jewellery, daughters and granddaughters.

I've never been married and sold both my engagement rings so nothing to pass down there. DM sold her wedding rings and didn't have engagement ones. But there is lovely sapphire/diamond rose gold ring and sapphire diamond rose gold bracelet, old diamond earrings (not studs, drop) and some other nice pieces from her grandmother which she's left to me. She never wears them, I'm hardly going to wear them (did wear earrings once or twice), so hardly see the point in them really.

It seems precedence has been set. Your brother received your Dad's watches and so the DD should receive their Mum's jewellery. They might want to offer a piece to their SIL but they don't have to.

I strongly advise the DDs to wait long enough before deciding; put the jewellery in a safe, locked place.

The DIL's in your friends case should butt out. It'd be nice if the daughters later wanted to give them something but they shouldn't expect it now.

Slight example in my family. DF married three times. When his DM died, and he was on his third marriage, his own DF had Parkinsons and wasn't very nice. He apparently gave away with no consultation to his DS his wife's jewellery, wedding ring, engagement ring. My DSis (half) was very upset as she recalled her grandmother wearing these. But her grandfather had given them away.

White British here too.

Dils only when there isn't a suitable female blood relative.

There is no tradition.

Why can't sons inherit jewellery? If a woman has sons but no daughters, what happens? Surely if a son inherits, his wife can then wear it?

I agree DILs should butt out but there isn't a rule you can use to fall back on.

Daughters. Daughter in laws if there is no daughters but that is to be passed onto granddaughters ifyswim. If granddaughter is old enough, it gets bypassed DIL.

I also thought this might be a South Asian family as there is usually tradition for it to pass to both daughter and daughters in law.

I don't expect anything from my MIL, a few years ago she gave me some earrings that were her's. I'm assuming the did the same to her other DIL because she's fair that way. She has no daughters so I'd expect anything left to go to her granddaughters.

Anything different would be a pleasant suprise (she likes Christmas jewellery so is one of those items came my way I'd be very happy).

DILs are cheeky f*ers. UNLESS they have daughters who are the deceased's DGs

Definitely only the daughters.
The DIL’s are entitled and grabby. Disgraceful behaviour.

In our family all the siblings are the same sex so it's easier but I would say jewellery should be shared equally between sons and daughters. Then if the sons want to give theirs to their wives they can. Dh will inherit half of his mum's jewellery when she dies and I will wear the things I like and keep the rest in a box somewhere. Then when I die they will be passed on to our sons along with my jewellery. Not sure about if dh dies before me. I should probably give our sons the jewellery then as it does technically belong to dh, not me. I would probably hang on to anything that I particularly like though!

Oh my goodness the DILs are despicable. Point out the sons got the watches ffs!
I have a daughter and two sons. All my jewelry will go to daughter, end of story. My boys can be their dads watches and cufflinks.

Typically the sons will inherit a watch or some form of jewellery that is passed on from the father or males from the family. There are cultural reasons too, some would say dil as she is married to the son and the daughter is considered an outsider for marrying out but in my own culture if for example if there is a male Rolex my brother would get it and a diamond necklace from my late mother I would get it. Obviously these pieces have sentimental value so can't be sold and shared equally but even if it did, dil will still get zilch.

Let the daughters choose any pieces that are meaningful to them. She is their mum, they get to look first. Mention that DILs would like something to remember MIL by but it’s their choice whether to give them anything.

If the daughters agree that, let DILs each choose a piece or two that is meaningful to them. The rest goes back to the daughters to split.

The DILs being ‘up in arms’ is awful though. Who does that while people are grieving?? I’d have a word their husbands about that.

My MIL has a lot of gold jewellery collected over many decades mostly from the Middle East (they lived there for a good while). She’s almost 80 and has 2 sons only. She has started to distribute her jewellery to her granddaughters (one of whom is my own DD) in the absence of daughters. It never even occurred to me as her DIL, that I’d be entitled to any of it. I think she’s absolutely doing the right thing. Otherwise I could divorce her son and make off with her jewellery and it wouldn’t stay in the family, which is what she wants. So the DILs in this case OP, can absolutely FO.

The dil have no rights at all to be up in arms, atrocious

From my experience, grabby DIL and her children.

The rule is generally that family jewellery (stuff that's been in the family generations) sticks together and goes to the eldest daughter. Everything else there's not really a fixed rule for so I'd say pick something each.