Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

My DM left all of hers to my neice ( only granddaughter). Late MIL divided it up between me and my sisters on law.

I can already see this going to be a nightmare with my Pil. Much loved Granny, five granddaughters.
Personally, I'm not a jewellery person and much of my MILs was bought after 'a rough patch' so not particularly positive.
What happens to the really much loved by the original owner pieces, a few bits are intrinsically associated by MIL, can anyone ever wear them again?

Unless special circs, I’d have thought daughters/granddaughters.

After telling the family in general to help themselves to a keepsake after her DM died, someone I know had the wife of her DM’s grandson - not a blood relative - charge in and take all the jewellery!

I’m pleased to say that they made her give it all back.

It goes to daughters. Jewellery is more than just estate. My mil's will hopefully all be passed down to my sil eventually.

This

If the jewellery has a significant higher value than the watches, then the bulk of it should go to the daughter, with the rest of it going to the sons so it all evens out. So equally to all children taking the values of the watches etc into account.

This changes the situation massively.

If sons in law didn't get a share of the dad's items, daughters in law shouldn't get a share of the mum's.

The mum would have expected the same as the dad, even if she didn't specify it.

If someone dies without a will their estate is split equally between the children.

So belongings would be split between sons and daughters.

I think it's pretty unreasonable that DIL would be after this.

I would have said daughters anyway, but anyone not a blood relative who was up in arms would get absolutely nothing if I had my way.

Daughters. perhaps grand-daughters unless specified. Nice to offer a low value keep sake to other close female relatives but not compulsory. Best to specify in wills as otherwise it can cause as much grief as money.

Did the will not mention "personal possessions" at all?

Direct daughters, unless a DIL has always admired a piece and the daughters are happy for them to have it. If the daughters are 'too distraught' maybe wait a bit.

Daughters. They then decide if they want to gift something to anyone else.

Family heirlooms would go to daughter anything else would go to anyone who is interested in jewellery or has a similar dress sense so will wear it

In this case, if the sons had their dad’s ‘things’, then it’s the daughters that get their mum’s ‘things’.

Precedence has already been set.

iv followed the line , if you like , Iv been married more than once . I have one son from my second marriage, the jewellery that his Nan left me Iv given to my DIL . The posh jewellery that my now husband has given me I’ll leave to my granddaughters on that side . All my jewellery that Iv accumulated over the years , my DDs and DILs will share , thoughts being that they take what they like and choose something for their sons to give to their wives down the line . Jewellery that came from my great Nan has already been given to my daughter for my granddaughter 🤣🤦‍♀️ makes it sound like I have the Crown Jewels , I so haven’t , but we are a sentimental bunch . My DDs and DILs are close .

100% the daughters only, the DiLs are being grabby vultures and taking advantage of the daughters' grief.

This

Who said daughters and sons equally? I have never heard of the late mother's jewellery going to sons while daughters are in the picture. Nor does it go to DiL

It goes to daughters, and if there was only one piece it would be for the eldest, then granddaughters if there's enough.

Daughters and grand daughters. Although imho sons should be considered, so if there was eg a writing desk (random example!) of the mothers they should get particular priority over non jewellery items. DiLs get their own mothers jewellery unless its specifically mentioned in the will.

I was given the pick of DMs jewelry. I gave the most expensive item to SIL though. It suited her and she takes much better care of things than I do.

If there's no instructions in the will, then it either forms part of the "residual estate" and is split as per the instructions for that in the will, or if there was no will laws of intestacy will apply and it should be split equally amongst all of the children of the deceased, regardless of gender.

It's not something that anyone has the power to decide. It's not up to you to "make the decision on distribution." It needs to be done in accordance with the law. It's as simple as that. Distribute everything legally, and if anyone queries it, then refer them to the relevant legal documents (either the will, or the laws of intestacy).

I agree with this.

When my remaining parent died, all mum's jewellery (no great value) came to me as sole daughter (no granddaughters). I offered my brother's wife a choice of any of the pieces as a keepsake of my mum.

Daughters, and probably granddaughters via the son. Definitely not the DILs.

For men's jewellery, the son and - if there is much - grandsons via the daughters. Definitely not the SILs.

I've said YANBU but my DGM gave decent jewellery to her DILs. Her DD my aunt didn't like that. Seeing as there were granddaughters then it made sense to pass it that way. My aunt was childless.

If its low value items and enough for everyone to have a keep sake I'd share.